incorporeal
Member
- Jul 27, 2024
- 23
I'm 19 years of age. i believe i'm ready to initiate my final sequence. i just came from psych hospital after telling (all) my friends/family that i would shortly kms. i wasn't even suicidal. i faked it for societal advantage at that point (sympathy) and just recently regained my ideation. this line of deception was a mistake, but at least it's not so consequential. i quit my band and stopped talking to my mother. everyone is shut out. etc.
this is good
recently i secured an assistant (AID) until i found them planning to off me in my sleep, or else when i wasn't looking. i was not cool with that (lol) so i kicked them out after two weeks of coinhabitance. this event-chain is what led me to the trusted jumping method.
i have an opportunity to transport into the city and camp until entirely 'ready'. could logistically spend as long as i want out there, as the chances of alerting my kin are close to 0%. i don't have the will to write notes, and my apartment is in absolute turmoil as i've destroyed my furniture, belongings, and compiled them center-floor. no preperations/operations are required beside the gathering of $100 in order to enjoy my day, or two, or x. i obliterated my apartment so to prolong my mother's trauma.
I was on a balcony just earlier and felt myself sick and clutching the rail despite it being 5m over grass, yet i suppose it doesn't matter. i'm more focused on the task than trivial subjects like SI. finding a right time of day, such as sunset, is all that is necessary. diving into black water with a black sky is not enticing. was going to seek advice here, but i think i self induced enough confidence to do this alone. it's easy enough. this might be my first and last post because i can't be bothered with laments & so on, not to consider I'll be destroying this phone.
i find the dramatization of suicide to be in poor taste. it seems that a number of users are hardly serious nor certain about their death. which is fine. personally i'm ready to feel the wind, and to see the water, and to maybe hear the gasps of my voyers, to understand my imminence at once, and to close the world, and to open the next. so be it.
saying "goodbye" is ever redundant and not worth your time but i guess this is one of those posts. will probs continue to post in this thread until the date of action, because this admittedly is for my own consolation.
this is good
recently i secured an assistant (AID) until i found them planning to off me in my sleep, or else when i wasn't looking. i was not cool with that (lol) so i kicked them out after two weeks of coinhabitance. this event-chain is what led me to the trusted jumping method.
i have an opportunity to transport into the city and camp until entirely 'ready'. could logistically spend as long as i want out there, as the chances of alerting my kin are close to 0%. i don't have the will to write notes, and my apartment is in absolute turmoil as i've destroyed my furniture, belongings, and compiled them center-floor. no preperations/operations are required beside the gathering of $100 in order to enjoy my day, or two, or x. i obliterated my apartment so to prolong my mother's trauma.
I was on a balcony just earlier and felt myself sick and clutching the rail despite it being 5m over grass, yet i suppose it doesn't matter. i'm more focused on the task than trivial subjects like SI. finding a right time of day, such as sunset, is all that is necessary. diving into black water with a black sky is not enticing. was going to seek advice here, but i think i self induced enough confidence to do this alone. it's easy enough. this might be my first and last post because i can't be bothered with laments & so on, not to consider I'll be destroying this phone.
i find the dramatization of suicide to be in poor taste. it seems that a number of users are hardly serious nor certain about their death. which is fine. personally i'm ready to feel the wind, and to see the water, and to maybe hear the gasps of my voyers, to understand my imminence at once, and to close the world, and to open the next. so be it.
saying "goodbye" is ever redundant and not worth your time but i guess this is one of those posts. will probs continue to post in this thread until the date of action, because this admittedly is for my own consolation.
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