Discussion Was life ever good?

[Fadeawaaaay]

There were times it seemed to be good- I even felt lucky… an illusion, and imperfect but lovely nonetheless, how fast things can collapse…

 

[Snake of Eden]

It never was good for any sustained period of time. I had some good moments though. Only instances of feeling joy but it never lasted more than few hours

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive has never been a positive experience for me. I have no idea what that would be like, to enjoy life. To me life is stress, despair, hopelessness, struggle, misery, disappointment and loss. I have never not been bothered by living. Existence is a burden I wish I never had to carry. I think overall, I am not meant for this world and there is nothing for me here, I have always been empty. When I think of dying, it feels right. Death is very comforting to me.

 

[ascetic_]

I was wondering this to myself. I can't remember ever experiencing any kind of legitimate joy in my past.

There were moments of contentment, I guess; times where I was heavily immersed in a distraction and wasn't worrying about my life, or my future.

But that's it: Fleeting moments of preoccupation. Frivolous distractions.

I don't have any genuine human moments filled with love, or joy, or a profound connection to another person.

Just aloneness.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I was wondering this to myself. I can't remember ever experiencing any kind of legitimate joy in my past.

There were moments of contentment, I guess; times where I was heavily immersed in a distraction and wasn't worrying about my life, or my future.

But that's it: Fleeting moments of preoccupation. Frivolous distractions.

I don't have any genuine human moments filled with love, or joy, or a profound connection to another person.

Just aloneness.

I'm sorry. Makes sense why you would find yourself here, then. Not sure which is worse. To have experienced some measure of joy and lose it. Or to never experience it at all. Either way, here we are at the same place.

 

[Elegy]

Life was good, once upon a time. 1973. I was 10 years old. Curled up in my warm cozy PJs, watching Star Trek original series. Gilligan's Island, Lost in Space, Scoobie Doo, Bewitched, I dream of Jeannie, Charlie Brown, Welcome Back Kotter, and too many other 60s/70s classics to name.

Long before all HELL FIRE AND FURY rained down upon me.
Not really true. Hellfire and Fury rained down on me at around age 13.
Not a "long time" before, as I would like to believe.
In 1976... I was no longer a sweet innocent child.

I'm pushin 60 now, but before I die. From Covid, or by my own hand, or whatever
I promised myself I will binge-watch every episode I missed, by being forced to grow up far too fast.

Sea Hunt: Season 3, ep 34: "Underwater Narcotics"
Wow. Who knew, such a dangerous drug as marijuana could be cultivated like Kelp?
Grown and harvested on the ocean floor.
Fortunately S.C.U.B.A. divers are on the spot, with spear guns, to arrest those nasty undersea narcotics farmers and traffickers.
He had a knife, and lunged at me, but I fired a warning shot over his head then cut his air tank hose, forcing him to surface, because ...
kids would be shocked if I speared the dude like a sardine. I am a HERO, not an evil undersea hemp or hashish farmer.

Damn. I missed that episode. Grew up too fast to catch it.

 

[iCan'tStandLifeAnymo]

There were times it seemed to be good- I even felt lucky… an illusion, and imperfect but lovely nonetheless, how fast things can collapse…

Sometimes. But those times are over for me.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I had a moment of hope and light back during July-August, but it only lasted for EXACTLY one month. Imo, if life throws at you moments that are too good to be true, those are mere illusions and be prepared for the collapse that will happen sooner or later.

 

[Ch92921]

Deep down never haven been really happy.

 

[Bedrock48]

Sure was

 

[CTBer]

Never actually felt like living so that, and childhood hardships, helped to diminish any sense of happiness I could have had, even when there are reasons to admit life has not been so bad in the end and any other person could easily label it as "good".

 

[BeforeIGo99]

Occasionally I feel like staying alive. But otherwise, all that's ever on my mind is how relieving it would be if I just never woke up one day.

 

[Kennish]

I have only had moments where distraction has giving me joy. Mostly from doing drugs alone at some point in my life, where I was at a place where I could relax and forget.

But now it all comes back. I hate my body. My body is wrong. I hate my skin. I can't take sun rays. I have allergy in the summer. I can't breathe properly through my nose. I can't find clothes that fit me. I have constant obsessive thoughts about my self and clothes and skin and body. I hate my self. I hate the genes my parents gave me. I hate everything about my body. My skin in my face is fucked. My genes are fucked. My life is fucked. I need to get out of this fucking hell hole. I hate my human body so much. I hate it. I hate that people around have normal lives and just live their life. I hate it. I hate it all. I fucking hate it.

I hate my skinny legs and arms. I hate my skin. I hate my body. I hate my fucking genes. Im just rambling now I know. But I hate it here. I just want to sleep forever. I want out of this fucking hell hole of a body. I can't buy clothes that's comfortable. I have little hope that medicine can help me. It would be a miracle. My life is a mess. Everything about me is a mess. I hate it.

I hate that I'm short. I hate almost everything about myself. I hate that I feel I can't breathe. I hate my parents for not giving me what I needed as a child and teen. I hate that I didn't grow right in my teens. My body didn't get enough food to grow. My body is just wrong. I hate the fact that my parents let me smoke hash in my room for fucking 7 years and didn't do nothing about it. When I confronted them with it, they just said that they "didn't know". I hate the fact that I got parents that didn't give a fucking shit about me. And gave me shitty genes. And I now have a miserable life because of the shitty genes and shitty childhood and teen years. My skin is fucked in my face. My skin is sweaty. I can't even describe how I feel about my fucking body. Everything just feels fucking wrong. All the fucking time. My crotch is sweaty and sticky all the time. It doesn't matter what clothes I wear or anything. Everything is just fucked up about my body. Everything. Fuck these fucking genes.

I can't even be in the sun for 1 hour before being fucking burned and especially my skin in my face is totally fucked up. Fuck I fucking hate it.
My skin is itchy. My skin can't stand the sun. My skin is pale. I have moles (don't know if it's the correct English word) all over and freckles. And my skin in my face I 12 fucking different colours. Red, pale, freckled, fucked, yellow. It's all just fucked.

My skin is itchy. My skin is over sensitive. My skin is fucked. My body is fucked. Fuck I hate it.

I hate the fact that there are evil people in this world. People that do fucked up shit, but they are able to be in their body and clothes. And can take sun rays. And they don't have fucked up skin and bodies. What have I done to deserve this? I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. I don't get the whole life thing. I don't understand anything anymore. I don't understand why the fuck I was put here in this fucking shitty human body and be miserable, while there are people out there doing nasty shit and still living life. And can be in their bodies and clothes and skin.

I don't get it. At all. I don't fucking get it. I fucking hate this human body. I hate the fact that I could have anything I wanted if I didn't have this body/clothes/skin thing. I could live a perfectly fine life. But I will never get it. I can't change my body. I can't change my genes. And I blame my parents for these fucked up genes. I fucking hate it here.

Fuck life. Fuck it. Fuck this human body. I would rather never have been born. I can't change shit.

Fuck fuck fuck. That's all I have to say.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I was happy until I was 14 years old. I played football and watched cartoons all day. After puberty, my acne got worse and my life got worse from there.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have only had moments where distraction has giving me joy. Mostly from doing drugs alone at some point in my life, where I was at a place where I could relax and forget.

But now it all comes back. I hate my body. My body is wrong. I hate my skin. I can't take sun rays. I have allergy in the summer. I can't breathe properly through my nose. I can't find clothes that fit me. I have constant obsessive thoughts about my self and clothes and skin and body. I hate my self. I hate the genes my parents gave me. I hate everything about my body. My skin in my face is fucked. My genes are fucked. My life is fucked. I need to get out of this fucking hell hole. I hate my human body so much. I hate it. I hate that people around have normal lives and just live their life. I hate it. I hate it all. I fucking hate it.

I hate my skinny legs and arms. I hate my skin. I hate my body. I hate my fucking genes. Im just rambling now I know. But I hate it here. I just want to sleep forever. I want out of this fucking hell hole of a body. I can't buy clothes that's comfortable. I have little hope that medicine can help me. It would be a miracle. My life is a mess. Everything about me is a mess. I hate it.

I hate the fact that there are evil people in this world. People that do fucked up shit, but they are able to be in their body and clothes. And can take sun rays. And they don't have fucked up skin and bodies. What have I done to deserve this? I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. I don't get the whole life thing. I don't understand anything anymore. I don't understand why the fuck I was put here in this fucking shitty human body and be miserable, while there are people out there doing nasty shit and still living life. And can be in their bodies and clothes and skin.

I don't get it. At all. I don't fucking get it. I fucking hate this human body. I hate the fact that I could have anything I wanted if I didn't have this body/clothes/skin thing. I could live a perfectly fine life. But I will never get it. I can't change my body. I can't change my genes. And I blame my parents for these fucked up genes. I fucking hate it here.

Fuck life. Fuck it. Fuck this human body. I would rather never have been born. I can't change shit.

Fuck fuck fuck. That's all I have to say.

Thats how i feel about myself word for word except that i dont have allergy to the sun but i have hair/skin autoimmune disease Thats painful, ugly and incurable

 

[Kennish]

Thats how i feel about myself word for word except that i dont have allergy to the sun but i have hair/skin autoimmune disease Thats painful, ugly and incurable

I fucking hate it. I hate everything about this life. This fucking body. I don't fucking get it. Why being put in a human body if it's not meant to work properly. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

Thats how i feel about myself word for word except that i dont have allergy to the sun but i have hair/skin autoimmune disease Thats painful, ugly and incurable

I can't take sun rays. But I meant that I have allergy for grass and two other things in summer.

Besides that. I just wake up everyday and feel everything is wrong about my body.

Thats how i feel about myself word for word except that i dont have allergy to the sun but i have hair/skin autoimmune disease Thats painful, ugly and incurable

What is hair/skin auto immune desease ? And how did you find out you have it

 

[Snake of Eden]

I fucking hate it. I hate everything about this life. This fucking body. I don't fucking get it. Why being put in a human body if it's not meant to work properly. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

I can't take sun rays. But I meant that I have allergy for grass and two other things in summer.

Besides that. I just wake up everyday and feel everything is wrong about my body.

What is hair/skin auto immune desease ? And how did you find out you have it

Its called tufted hair scarring alopecia. Mainly in the head/face/neck chest groin. Anywhere where there is thick hair basically. It is incurable and completely ruined my life since i became a teenager. On top of that i have autism and very weak body and a large head/face. Disproportionate all over and physically ugly from skin disease that makes it hard to stay smelling clean so I have to shower everyday at least. I hate my body so much

 

[Kennish]

Its called tufted hair scarring alopecia. Mainly in the head/face/neck chest groin. Anywhere where there is thick hair basically. It is incurable and completely ruined my life since i became a teenager. On top of that i have autism and very weak body and a large head/face. Disproportionate all over and physically ugly from skin disease that makes it hard to stay smelling clean so I have to shower everyday at least. I hate my body so much

How did you find out about your skin desease?

My skin just feels gross. Everything about me feels gross. It that makes sense.

 

[Snake of Eden]

How did you find out about your skin desease?

My skin just feels gross. Everything about me feels gross. It that makes sense.

What do you mean find out?? It burns, itches, pimples, swells, pus, bleeds, hair falls. I am sorry you feel gross in your skin but it could be worse like in my case I assume

 

[stellabelle]

There were times it seemed to be good- I even felt lucky… an illusion, and imperfect but lovely nonetheless, how fast things can collapse…

Couldn't have said it better.
Glimpses of color in an otherwise gray existence.
Why do some people have good lives and others are repeatedly victimized?

Victimized by society, their relatives, spouses, employers, housemates, etc.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Couldn't have said it better.
Glimpses of color in an otherwise gray existence.
Why do some people have good lives and others are repeatedly victimized?

Victimized by society, their relatives, spouses, employers, housemates, etc.

Well, in my case, I was willfully ignorant and chose to blithely ignore warning signs and conventional behavior… anti depressants kept spirits and confidence up when I should have more careful and frightened… i was never a victim… of myself perhaps…

 

[ClownMe]

For me personally, I don't think it was ever good, looking back on it, I was in denial for a lot of my early childhood.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I think it may have been okay then puberty ruined my life with bullying, social anxiety, insecurity and horrible acne I prolonged this pain for far too long 14 years of emotional pain

 

[alwaysSuffering]

I was wondering this to myself. I can't remember ever experiencing any kind of legitimate joy in my past.

There were moments of contentment, I guess; times where I was heavily immersed in a distraction and wasn't worrying about my life, or my future.

But that's it: Fleeting moments of preoccupation. Frivolous distractions.

I don't have any genuine human moments filled with love, or joy, or a profound connection to another person.

Just aloneness.

This is exactly how I would describe my life.

 

[stellabelle]

For me personally, I don't think it was ever good, looking back on it, I was in denial for a lot of my early childhood.

You know I used to desire an existence but it seemingly shit itself down the sewer too many times and it's left me just devastated and angry and betrayed.

 

[Darkover]

my life could of been a lot better when growing up if i had the support from my family in my education instead of them just leaving it to the school system, , my upbring wasn't the best i mean my parent never took me to the dentist and my sister was giving weed from age 12 and i was smoking cigarettes i came from a broken home i grow up on welfare, i started taking my toys to pieces age five to learn how they work, my mother just let me run wild i was out on the steets at 3am in the morning at 12 i got into trouble with the cops around 10 times during my adolescence, i never went to school after 12 years old and never learned to spell or do maths i had to play catch up at 18 to learn how to program computers but i was satisfied with my life up into the age of 18 after that life has just been terrible horrible a living misery, it's just a shame humans are so limited in their intelligence skills my life could of be worth living if i had the right up bring, at 18 i lost the love of my life and my son went through drug induced psychosis and went to jail for something i didnt't do all at the same time, given the choice i wouldn't ever smoke cigarette or weed given the choice but we just addicted to everything, in my opinion your quality of life all depends on who your parents are and the upbring

 

[Kennish]

What do you mean find out?? It burns, itches, pimples, swells, pus, bleeds, hair falls. I am sorry you feel gross in your skin but it could be worse like in my case I assume

I mean did a doctor give you a diagnosis? I want to find out what's wrong with me and find a cure for it.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

Life itself is an absolutely horrific occurrence in this universe, for so many reasons. It functions on suffering. No living being will ever be happy for extended periods of time.

 

[canna2]

There were times it seemed to be good- I even felt lucky… an illusion, and imperfect but lovely nonetheless, how fast things can collapse…

it was an illusion mixed with no experience.

 

[bed]

I peaked in elementary school, so no.