33K1LLM3
Pretty Girl, Sickness killed her…
- Jun 28, 2025
- 143
I'm fixed in to a mindset, where I can never look forward, always back.
Every time I think of something that isn't ruptured by despair or distress, I have to take myself back years, and years in order to find something that I can happy about.
I look back at all the videos I watched, the games I played, the people I met, the experiences I had, and I smile and dream of a time where it wasn't so destructive to live and to enjoy life as it is.
But then I look back again. All these good memories that I crave to relive, weren't always as good as I thought they were. When I look back on the people I loved, I see how I bad I was to them, and how I lost them. Then I look back on all the stuff I did with them, and how it could've continued. In the end I usually destroyed everything I had, but still it was fun whilst it lasted. I hate myself so much for that.
It's this constant, I wish it was different or oh that was a nice time. I do that so often, I am able to see what my life could've been like if it worked out properly. I get so emotional over knowing that my life could've Been something but really it wasn't. All the friends I met, all the days I spent carefree. Everything that just had some inch of glee, turns out to be the most painful weight in my rucksack of sadness.
Until I go, I can do nothing but look back, sometimes in anger, sometimes in pain, sometimes in joy. But really all I know is that I'm trapped in nostalgia, and that's something that I won't ever be able to change…
Every time I think of something that isn't ruptured by despair or distress, I have to take myself back years, and years in order to find something that I can happy about.
I look back at all the videos I watched, the games I played, the people I met, the experiences I had, and I smile and dream of a time where it wasn't so destructive to live and to enjoy life as it is.
But then I look back again. All these good memories that I crave to relive, weren't always as good as I thought they were. When I look back on the people I loved, I see how I bad I was to them, and how I lost them. Then I look back on all the stuff I did with them, and how it could've continued. In the end I usually destroyed everything I had, but still it was fun whilst it lasted. I hate myself so much for that.
It's this constant, I wish it was different or oh that was a nice time. I do that so often, I am able to see what my life could've been like if it worked out properly. I get so emotional over knowing that my life could've Been something but really it wasn't. All the friends I met, all the days I spent carefree. Everything that just had some inch of glee, turns out to be the most painful weight in my rucksack of sadness.
Until I go, I can do nothing but look back, sometimes in anger, sometimes in pain, sometimes in joy. But really all I know is that I'm trapped in nostalgia, and that's something that I won't ever be able to change…
