It's 5:52am and I'm tired but my brain won't shut up so here's a messy unorganised vent
I think I'm going to have to change my method I think knowing the fall alone won't kill me will make me hesitate and I think i a small part of my head will want to see if someone tries to stop me but i dont want that I want an ending I need the method to not have any time for me to hesitate or think of wanting life
I wish I could experience life not even the good parts I'd be happy being hurt and in pain i just want an escape maybe that's why
I wish I could have friends like ones to hangout with and go experience life with they wouldn't even have to be good like they can be mean and bad influences I wouldn't care as long as they were there idk what I want idk who I am I just want it to be ended ever since I stated anti depressants it seems to have changed my whole brain surrounding death not entirely the truth like I feel slightly my sad when thinking about how my death will effect my mum and even more worried about leaving my animals I feel slightly more anxious surrounding death something that I have never felt before
Idk I think I would be more stable with an idea for the future and not be as lonely especially irl I know I'm missing out on everything I always have because of my stupid brain
I think I'm going to have to change my method I think knowing the fall alone won't kill me will make me hesitate and I think i a small part of my head will want to see if someone tries to stop me but i dont want that I want an ending I need the method to not have any time for me to hesitate or think of wanting life
I wish I could experience life not even the good parts I'd be happy being hurt and in pain i just want an escape maybe that's why
I wish I could have friends like ones to hangout with and go experience life with they wouldn't even have to be good like they can be mean and bad influences I wouldn't care as long as they were there idk what I want idk who I am I just want it to be ended ever since I stated anti depressants it seems to have changed my whole brain surrounding death not entirely the truth like I feel slightly my sad when thinking about how my death will effect my mum and even more worried about leaving my animals I feel slightly more anxious surrounding death something that I have never felt before
Idk I think I would be more stable with an idea for the future and not be as lonely especially irl I know I'm missing out on everything I always have because of my stupid brain
