ForeverCaHa
Heartbroken Welshman
- Feb 16, 2025
- 442
I was on daily room checks until three days ago (currently being held on a psych ward). Since I was taken off them I let my guard down a bit and didn't keep my noose in its hiding spot. Unfortunately yesterday I had a "random" room check, so bye bye noose. I'm so mad at myself for not being more careful. This noose was really effective in my practice runs, and I'm certain I could've made it work when the time came. Other nooses have been found in my room (made from pillow cases or bedsheets), but those ones I fully expected to be discovered sooner or later. This one I had managed to conceal for a long time. Now I think I need to accept that making an attempt while here would be a very bad idea, chances of success being very low.
I'm not allowed out on my own, but when I am I can perhaps start making plans. I'm not super familiar with this area, but I know there is woodland nearby where full suspension would be possible. I highly regret not going through with my SN plan back in April, but at least all of this means that (hopefully) my family can tell themselves they did their best to "save" me. I'm here, I take my medications, I'm open and honest (maybe too honest) with the staff... I'm hoping that at the end my close friends and family won't stress over thinking they should have done more. I know they probably will do just that, but the truth is they've done a lot. But I don't want help, I don't want to change, I'm set on this path and sooner or later I just know what will happen. No amount of medication or psychologist sessions is going to "fix" me.
From now on I'll have to make sure to be on my best behaviour, make the staff here think that I'm "improving" bit by bit. Whether or not they believe me is another question, but eventually they'll have to let me go. They can't keep me here forever.
I'm not allowed out on my own, but when I am I can perhaps start making plans. I'm not super familiar with this area, but I know there is woodland nearby where full suspension would be possible. I highly regret not going through with my SN plan back in April, but at least all of this means that (hopefully) my family can tell themselves they did their best to "save" me. I'm here, I take my medications, I'm open and honest (maybe too honest) with the staff... I'm hoping that at the end my close friends and family won't stress over thinking they should have done more. I know they probably will do just that, but the truth is they've done a lot. But I don't want help, I don't want to change, I'm set on this path and sooner or later I just know what will happen. No amount of medication or psychologist sessions is going to "fix" me.
From now on I'll have to make sure to be on my best behaviour, make the staff here think that I'm "improving" bit by bit. Whether or not they believe me is another question, but eventually they'll have to let me go. They can't keep me here forever.
