Venting Vent

[リンさん]

Today is one month since we stopped communicating.

I miss her a whole lot, even though she did lie to me about some very important stuff. I know I shouldn't have forgiven her, but I did, because I love her still.

If she were to come back, apologize and talk to me, I would have welcomed her with open arms. I still think and dream about her daily.

I'm not sure what she's thinking of or whether or not shes even planning on ever reaching out. Last time we talked, it was supposed to be a temporary break in communication, but ever since her lies surfaced (which she tried very hard to keep from me) I'm not so sure anymore.

Maybe she lied about her feelings towards me too, maybe she was just playing me all this time and never saw me as anything but a temporary fling. I don't know. But my heart still aches for her. And I hope that at the very least, she hasn't forgotten me.

I miss her every day. Some days are easier than others, but today was really really rough. I don't want to let go, but waiting for something that may never happen is torturous.

I guess I just have to learn how to live with it. Hopefully I will, eventually.

 

[Adûnâi]

I too wonder whether she remembers. Can't you stalk her (online)?

I don't want to derail the thread, but just today I have imagined myself dying, and that I would probably wouldn't be able to prevent myself from actually getting her to notice me one final time... And the impoliteness of it infuriated me so much that I stopped thinking about killing myself, and am actually putting in those 5 hours of work not to get expelled. LOL.

...But yeah, when I was heartbroken in June, it felt really nice because I had never felt anything like it. YMMV.

Personally, I'm just curious how it's going to go. For example, in my case, it's: a) whether she sees the spring; 2) whether I don't forget her. But then again, I wasn't exactly betrayed. Still, "moving on" feels disgusting. It's a cool "experience", on its own, utility and "education" be damned.