This might be concluded because of my cognitive distortion though. I find meaning, pattern in sometimes arbitrary Events and often construct narratives to explain me the world and a coherent story of my life.
Not all these stories are about revenge. I don't like the idea of karma. I rather think about it in a way that misbehavior and abuse can backfire hard. On the other hand, there are people who were abused in the past and develop toxic coping skills which can be considered misbehavior. Though, in the longrun not only symptoms show but more the manifestation of a mental health condition.
There is the German YouTuber Juliensblog who was the biggest asshole of his YouTube generation. He Made disgusting "jokes" that went way too far. Many years ago He suddenly disappeared. He was back 2 years again. And he changed a lot. Gained weight (in the past he made fun of overweight people) and looked in a bad shape. Personally, I consider it pretty likely He had a psychosis. His face is so emotionless which is quite common when taking antipsychotics.
But personally I have to think about a different story. A woman of my former self-group played with my feelings. She rejected me brutally and this triggered acute suicidality 2024. I almost killed myself soon afterwards. Later I found she dates a couple of different men behind the back of her boyfriend. And she talks about him so pejoratively. I wasn't angry at her for playing with my feelings. I considered that pathologically. However, we had more and more arguments in that group. And she tried to bully me over a long time. At the last meeting where I went she wanted to bring her boyfriend with her to make me jealous. Honestly, I almost had to laugh loud. I knew this was very offensive but so many things happened to that time. I was under a lot of pressure mentally. She was really embarrassed when she realized I am not jealous of her boyfriend I am rather speechless she thinks I was jealous. And honestly it felt very insane to me that she considered this to be the case if she tried to bully me a couple of months beforehand.
I think my mom has to go through a lot for abusing me as a child. I am such a wreck. And my dad He talked pejoratively about people who ctb was suicidal recently himself. My dad pressured me to keep going in college. Despite the fact it was like torture for me. I almost killed myself 2024 because All of that. My dad had a mental breakdown last year and I wonder whether it was connected to my almost suicide attempt. There might be arguments for that but there are also arguments against that.
With my former therapist who wrote lies in my medical records I will probably never get justice for what she did to me. I think though she was really fucking pissed because I handed in a complaint. Though, the organization behind her fully backed her. I wonder whether I will meet her in my life again. She will be most likely in a better shape than me. I could imagine scenarios though where this event will haunt her. I could imagine she develops hubris and does something like that again to a patient. And I read the organization that backed her is harder on therapists who have a longer track records of misbehavior. Maybe all of this copium. I could imagine other scenarios though where her actions will backfire in the longrun. And I won't explain all of them here.
Maybe it is not healthy to ruminate about all of this. But sometimes I can better let go of a topic if I found a way to integrate into a bigger story of my life, see meaning in suffering and hope that some events fit into a bigger picture.
One little anecdote I had to chuckle about. It is not about revenge but there is some irony in this story. I ruminated a lot about my gorgeous dentist. I gave her a boosted like on a dating app/nothing came back and I smelled badly at one appointment. And I think she noticed that. I did a lot of overthinking because of that. At the last meeting she smelled badly and I noticed that. And I might drop her as therapist. I have pain in one tooth and she might be responsibel for it. I still like her a lot as a dentist but I am not fully convinced of her competence anymore
I certainly won't leave a bad review. But I still think this story had a weird turn.
One last thing to add. Sometimes seemingly bad events can have a positive impact in the longrun. Not in every instance. But for example you become more careful who to trust and to cut off people that are toxic earlier. I am someone that gets often upset by small details that I associate with a broader picture. However, in the longrun it is not Really clear how what if/if not scenarios would have played out and whether the outcome would have been better. I hope this thought can make it easier for me to cope with mistakes that I make. Because often they feel very existential to me.
Not all these stories are about revenge. I don't like the idea of karma. I rather think about it in a way that misbehavior and abuse can backfire hard. On the other hand, there are people who were abused in the past and develop toxic coping skills which can be considered misbehavior. Though, in the longrun not only symptoms show but more the manifestation of a mental health condition.
There is the German YouTuber Juliensblog who was the biggest asshole of his YouTube generation. He Made disgusting "jokes" that went way too far. Many years ago He suddenly disappeared. He was back 2 years again. And he changed a lot. Gained weight (in the past he made fun of overweight people) and looked in a bad shape. Personally, I consider it pretty likely He had a psychosis. His face is so emotionless which is quite common when taking antipsychotics.
But personally I have to think about a different story. A woman of my former self-group played with my feelings. She rejected me brutally and this triggered acute suicidality 2024. I almost killed myself soon afterwards. Later I found she dates a couple of different men behind the back of her boyfriend. And she talks about him so pejoratively. I wasn't angry at her for playing with my feelings. I considered that pathologically. However, we had more and more arguments in that group. And she tried to bully me over a long time. At the last meeting where I went she wanted to bring her boyfriend with her to make me jealous. Honestly, I almost had to laugh loud. I knew this was very offensive but so many things happened to that time. I was under a lot of pressure mentally. She was really embarrassed when she realized I am not jealous of her boyfriend I am rather speechless she thinks I was jealous. And honestly it felt very insane to me that she considered this to be the case if she tried to bully me a couple of months beforehand.
I think my mom has to go through a lot for abusing me as a child. I am such a wreck. And my dad He talked pejoratively about people who ctb was suicidal recently himself. My dad pressured me to keep going in college. Despite the fact it was like torture for me. I almost killed myself 2024 because All of that. My dad had a mental breakdown last year and I wonder whether it was connected to my almost suicide attempt. There might be arguments for that but there are also arguments against that.
With my former therapist who wrote lies in my medical records I will probably never get justice for what she did to me. I think though she was really fucking pissed because I handed in a complaint. Though, the organization behind her fully backed her. I wonder whether I will meet her in my life again. She will be most likely in a better shape than me. I could imagine scenarios though where this event will haunt her. I could imagine she develops hubris and does something like that again to a patient. And I read the organization that backed her is harder on therapists who have a longer track records of misbehavior. Maybe all of this copium. I could imagine other scenarios though where her actions will backfire in the longrun. And I won't explain all of them here.
Maybe it is not healthy to ruminate about all of this. But sometimes I can better let go of a topic if I found a way to integrate into a bigger story of my life, see meaning in suffering and hope that some events fit into a bigger picture.
One little anecdote I had to chuckle about. It is not about revenge but there is some irony in this story. I ruminated a lot about my gorgeous dentist. I gave her a boosted like on a dating app/nothing came back and I smelled badly at one appointment. And I think she noticed that. I did a lot of overthinking because of that. At the last meeting she smelled badly and I noticed that. And I might drop her as therapist. I have pain in one tooth and she might be responsibel for it. I still like her a lot as a dentist but I am not fully convinced of her competence anymore
I certainly won't leave a bad review. But I still think this story had a weird turn.
One last thing to add. Sometimes seemingly bad events can have a positive impact in the longrun. Not in every instance. But for example you become more careful who to trust and to cut off people that are toxic earlier. I am someone that gets often upset by small details that I associate with a broader picture. However, in the longrun it is not Really clear how what if/if not scenarios would have played out and whether the outcome would have been better. I hope this thought can make it easier for me to cope with mistakes that I make. Because often they feel very existential to me.
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