(vent) idk what i'm doing, should I have sex with men for self esteem?

[Death is my goal]

you seem young, like others said. it's a very bad idea

 

[haibane]

Ofc you can do what u want, but please think a bit more about it. They could traumatised u even more, physically hurt u or even worse it could be a trap! Please reconsider it a bit before doing it. Best of luck. Hope u will find peace

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

These guys will pay anyone not just you, even pay ugly girls for sex. Don't be flattered by it, they do it with anyone or in your case maybe due to your age. Leave prostitution for those who are desperate for money.

I'm naive about a lot of things, but I don't think that's how it works, physical attraction definitely plays a big role, and besides they call me cute and like complimented me and stuff, which i know could be empty words that they'd say to anyone, but it still feels good to be desired and complimentsed

and idk, even if they would pay anyone, it still makes me feel like i'm worth something for them to pay me

"don't think that them paying you for sex means that you're pretty, you could still be ugly:)"
I sorry for my tone and if I'm sounding rude or dismissive, but thats just how I read your comment, maybe I'm just tired idk sorry

 

[jinksu_]

Please be safe. Lots of terrible people out there with malicious intent.

 

[Meditation guide]

personaly i want pain bc i want to cut off all other avenues besides ctb. i don't want there to be the possibility that i might change my mind. i don't want to be stuck being suicidal for years but not doing anything about it, i want more pain as motivation to actually ctb instead of just thinking about it. idk though that's just how i feel....

and idk, even if they would pay anyone, it still makes me feel like i'm worth something for them to pay me

"don't think that them paying you for sex means that you're pretty, you could still be ugly:)"
I sorry for my tone and if I'm sounding rude or dismissive, but thats just how I read your comment, maybe I'm just tired idk sorry

Then you don't know what many streetwalkers look like, no teeth addicts who look like they've been run over by 1,000 trucks. And they do get customers, lots of them. Men will do it with a dishrag. If you're cute you can charge more of course.

 

[chuerdhmproton]

The rest of my family has been out of town for fall break, so I've been home alone with my mom the past week. I hate being around her, she doesn't get how much she traumatised me growing up, she scares me.
"Since it's just us two for a while why don't we spend some time together, get to know eachonher better"
hearing that just makes me feel sick. I know she's probably just trying to be nice, I probably sound like a mean person, but I genuinely feel sick talking to her, and being around her scares me.

I've been staying up all night and sleeping in the day, partly to avoid being around her, and partly as a deliberate attempt to worsen my mental health. I've just been feeling super lonely lately, but i've been avoiding talking to my only friend because i don't want to bother her. i just don't know what to do

I made an account on a dating app the other day i guess just because I was bored (i'm not even interested in seeing anyone). A guy (multiple guys actually) were offering me money for sex, like $200+ each. I think I might actually do it. It's like INCREDIBLY out of character for me, people usually describe me as like super shy and innocent. idk what I'm doing. I know it's probably not a good idea. I don't need the money, and the idea of having sex with a stranger (or at all tbh) scares me, but it feels good for someone to think that i'm pretty enough to pay that much money for. At least I'm worth something lol

I don't recommend selling yourself, it will only lower your self worth even more especially consider your existing mental health troubles, but you do you my friend

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

Then you don't know what many streetwalkers look like, no teeth addicts who look like they've been run over by 1,000 trucks. And they do get customers, lots of them. Men will do it with a dishrag. If you're cute you can charge more of course.

thats fair

it still feels good to be desired though, even if it doesn't really mean anything

 

[hevlalab]

I knew someone who turned to prostitution as a form of self harm…

In other more common cases having sex with a stranger is considered normal if you met them at a club or bar and proceeded to have a one night stand. I guess it's kind of similar to that of meeting someone online and sleeping with them as it's the same concept - sex with someone you don't know. However, meeting them online is sketchy to some respect. They may be catfishing or turn out to be a psychopath with only malicious intentions. You never know. Best to be safe than sorry but I hope you do what's best for you. It is your life after all and you have free will

 

[snowcloud9]

Don't do it for self-esteem. Men aren't picky by nature and it doesn't mean anything if they want to sleep with you. Also, women catch feelings more easily especially vulnerable depressed women. And with heterosexual hookups, women will bear the brunt of the consequences like pregnancy if something goes wrong, and I've known men who slip off their condoms on purpose.

Money is something else though… if you want to earn cash on the side it seems like a plausible consideration to make.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I guess I'll be the first to chime in and exercise a word of caution in the way that many bots are on dating apps, posing to be legitimate people, and trying to use people for photos, sex, money, etc and aren't actually legit people. And not in like a catfishing, stranger danger kind of way, but like a "if I send you money on cashapp, I'll say it's fraud and bankrupt you" or if that kind of situation isn't legal where you're from, using your consent to take the money for those things and turn you in to the police, or as one person said it can also be a trafficking situation.

Like sure there are definitely people who offer legitimately but with anything, be safe about it! Err on the side of caution and avoid them. They wouldn't be on mainstream dating apps if they were serious, or they would be on the right apps and sites to ask for that.

 

[Dying Knight]

I honestly don't care about the sex, I just want to feel wanted I guess.

That's not gonna work well. Many guys just don't like to have sex with girls who don't enjoy the process and don't play an active role in it, no matter whether it's paid sex or not. If you don't really like sex, you would disappoint many guys you meet and you wouldn't actually feel yourself wanted with them. You will make a favour to yourself and those people if you avoid meeting with them with such an attitude.

No way. I understand you don't need the money but 200 is nothing. They'r being cheap.

That depends on the place where you live. In my country $400 is the average monthly salary for people having a "normal" job and $200 is a price for a top-level prostitute with 10/10 beauty. The majority of sex workers get $30 - $50 at one meeting here.

Besides, thinking that "cheap" guys are worse than rich ones is a mistake. People who are smart enough usually figure out that the quality of sex doesn't depend on how much you pay for it. You can have an amazing sex with a cheap slut and terrible one with a high-priced mannequin who has zero skills and willingness to do anything in a bed. Guys who show a kind attitude to girls and are good in a bed will always be able to find a cheap sex, because they are attractive enough without paying a lot of money. They most likely won't consider a possibility of having sex for high prices, because they know that a high price is just unnecessary.

so i'm still not sure if i'll do it or not but I'll probably be careful if i do

In case if you really decide to dive into this world, you should learn some basic rules from real sex workers regarding how to recognize and avoid morons or deal with them if you encounter such people.

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

That's not gonna work well. Many guys just don't like to have sex with girls who don't enjoy the process and don't play an active role in it, no matter whether it's paid sex or not. If you don't really like sex, you would disappointment many guys you meet and you wouldn't actually feel yourself wanted with them. You will make a favour to yourself and those people if you avoid meeting with them with such an attitude.

oh sorry that's not really what I meant. it's not that I don't like sex, and I guess I would probably enjoy the sex, but it's just that the sex isn't the reason I'd be doing this, I'd be doing it because I want to feel wanted and pretty and worth something. it's not like I'd be an emotionless doll or statue or whatever though haha

If case you really decide to dive into this world, you should learn some basic rules from real sex workers regarding how to avoid morons or deal with them if you encounter such people.

I'm not really planning to completely dive into this world, just like a few hook ups maybe I guess idk
thank you though!

 

[Dying Knight]

oh sorry that's not really what I meant. it's not that I don't like sex, and I guess I would probably enjoy the sex, but it's just that the sex isn't the reason I'd be doing this, I'd be doing it because I want to feel wanted and pretty and worth something. it's not like I'd be an emotionless doll or statue or whatever though haha

I'm not really planning to completely dive into this world, just like a few hook ups maybe I guess idk

You should take into account that the first meetings are almost always scary, you probably will feel a huge anxiety when meeting your first guy, and this may prevent taking any pleasure out the whole "date". In case if you have a luck to meet nice guys, then once you figure out how all those things happen in 2 - 3 meetings, you gain some confidence and may start enjoying such "dates". But dealing with morons is also possible, so it's hard to predict the consequences of your "adventures". It's kinda a lottery.

 

[Zaphkiel]

Hello @girlwithflaxenhair0
I've been following this thread without knowing what to say. Just don't sell yourself short, in all sense of the term. You are precious, your mind is precious, your body is precious...take care of them all, that's what make you whole.
Just taking some news...you know...are you alright?

 

[nessun_nome]

The rest of my family has been out of town for fall break, so I've been home alone with my mom the past week. I hate being around her, she doesn't get how much she traumatised me growing up, she scares me.
"Since it's just us two for a while why don't we spend some time together, get to know eachonher better"
hearing that just makes me feel sick. I know she's probably just trying to be nice, I probably sound like a mean person, but I genuinely feel sick talking to her, and being around her scares me.

I've been staying up all night and sleeping in the day, partly to avoid being around her, and partly as a deliberate attempt to worsen my mental health. I've just been feeling super lonely lately, but i've been avoiding talking to my only friend because i don't want to bother her. i just don't know what to do

I made an account on a dating app the other day i guess just because I was bored (i'm not even interested in seeing anyone). A guy (multiple guys actually) were offering me money for sex, like $200+ each. I think I might actually do it. It's like INCREDIBLY out of character for me, people usually describe me as like super shy and innocent. idk what I'm doing. I know it's probably not a good idea. I don't need the money, and the idea of having sex with a stranger (or at all tbh) scares me, but it feels good for someone to think that i'm pretty enough to pay that much money for. At least I'm worth something lol

I think that in addition to everything else that has been said, saying they are willing to give you that money and them actually giving you the money are two very different things.

My guess would be that in the best case, when it comes to it, they will have far less or "want to pay after the event …"

Are there sex workers in your area? Why are they offering these sums to you? It seems a lot to me.

 

[Lynx.]

At the end of the day, it's your call, and yours alone to make.

I don't really have much to say that hasn't already been said by others on this thread already. I wouldn't recommend going straight to sex with a stranger for money - there are many possible outcomes, and most of them, if not all, are awful ones.

Anyone that is willing to pay for your body doesn't have in mind your worth or your "value", they just see you as a toy they can buy and use for a while, only to discard you later.

Casual sex isn't necessarily bad - I'm not against having sex and it's none of my business what others choose to do in regards to such topics, but please know that when someone pays for sex, they might force you to do things you don't want to in exchange for that money, not giving you any chance to refuse in that moment.

That has already been said by others, and I'm sure you know that, of course. But please, be careful.

I understand that in a way, if it goes wrong, which it can very easily - then it's more of a reason to add to CTB - in a way, it's a self-harm mechanism. And I can't judge that, I get it and you are valid in feeling the way you do, of course.

But, at least, you should consider fueling your CTB urges on your own terms, instead of giving a huge chance to awful people to hurt you.

I don't know you at all, of course - so I have little to no right in saying all of this. And I also did the same mistake of seeking validation from casual sex, only I wasn't paid for it: the only thing I got from it was trauma and probably a life-long disgust towards having sex.

You deserve to be loved, along with many other things, just like everyone else on this website: these people willing to pay for your body will never show you any affection other than the necessary for their own pleasure - plus it carries the huge risk of many really unpleasant STDs, some which not even protection can prevent, such as HPV...
Which for someone wishing to die like us might not seem like much, but it's not fun, to say the least.

To wrap it up: it's your call. Just be safe. I know you are hurting, and I have no words to fix any of that, of course - just, well... Don't make the same mistake as me, I suppose. Or make it... It's your call - perhaps you will have a different experience than mine, who knows.

Again, just be safe.

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

Are there sex workers in your area?

I have no idea

Why are they offering these sums to you?

well they said it's bc they think I'm cute but idk

My guess would be that in the best case, when it comes to it, they will have far less or "want to pay after the event …"

that's true, I'll be careful about that

To wrap it up: it's your call. Just be safe. I know you are hurting, and I have no words to fix any of that, of course - just, well... Don't make the same mistake as me, I suppose. Or make it... It's your call - perhaps you will have a different experience than mine, who knows.

thank you

 

[nessun_nome]

I have no idea

well they said it's bc they think I'm cute but idk

I'm sure you are. And as you said in another reply, it is nice to be wanted. But they want you for their own gratification. To them you are just a living sex doll. I'm sorry to put in those terms but they have made the same offer to 10 girls this week.

Some women do find it empowering to know that they can make men behave that way. But how about you try to see if there is somebody on that site who will buy you dinner? There must be some who would and that would be a better way of building self-esteem.

 

[tfnb]

I'm all for body autonomy, and people owning themselves. If you want to get paid for sex, I don't see anything wrong with that so long as you're either single or the person you're in a relationship with is ok with it.

That said, as a former sex addict, it won't boost your self esteem, at least not in the long term. You may get a short boost in the short term, but it will quickly fade into more feelings of self loathing and extra reasons to hurt and/or hate yourself. If self esteem is what you're after, them yours looking in the wrong place entirely.

 

[Dying Knight]

these people willing to pay for your body will never show you any affection other than the necessary for their own pleasure

That is untrue. Some people who seek for casual individual sex workers instead of professional prostitutes actually hope on establishing friendly relationships. This may be the main reason why they prefer casual workers in the first place.

 

[Dying2077]

Is this topic real? WTF
Some animals don't even want to be a sex doll!

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

To them you are just a living sex doll. I'm sorry to put in those terms but they have made the same offer to 10 girls this week.

i'm okay with that I don't care if they don't see me as a real person and only a living sex doll, it still makes me feel like i'm worth something, and besides i don't deserve to be seen as anything but that anyway

But how about you try to see if there is somebody on that site who will buy you dinner? There must be some who would and that would be a better way of building self-esteem.

I'd feel guilty going on a real date since I'm planning to ctb, and I'm just too shy and insecure like I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of them by going out with them or they should be going out with someone better?? Sorry idk if that makes sense. And I don't want to like catch feelings or anything....somehow that scares me more than hooking up with sketchy strangers

 

[Lynx.]

That is untrue. Some people who seek for casual individual sex workers instead of professional prostitutes actually hope on establishing friendly relationships. This may be the main reason why they prefer casual workers in the first place.

Can't help but disagree there: the act of seeking friendship through paid sex is a self-pleasuring act, maybe there's intention to forge a friendship afterwards, but the initial affection is shown in the form of a transaction.

It's, again, an affection that people seek for their own pleasure. I'm not trying to gatekeep affection and what counts as it: but if it wasn't for self-pleasure, then why don't these buyers skip the buying part and go straight to the affection, love and appreciation without being, well, mostly creeps? It's, again, because first and foremost, they seek their own pleasure. Seeking your own pleasure is not inherently wrong: but many of these buyers exploit people's insecurities and don't have the best intentions, no matter how good the pay may be.

I do not wish to turn this thread into a discussion about sex work, this is @girlwithflaxenhair0 thread and I do not wish to sway the discussion towards other stuff.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[Dying2077]

Can moderators close this topic?
It is against human rights

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

Can moderators close this topic?
It is against human rights

I was legitimately seeking advice and also venting, I'm sorry if I offended you or something :(

 

[Dying2077]

I was legitimately seeking advice and also venting, I'm sorry if I offended you or something :(

It is contrary to the international declaration of human rights

Please, this topic is causing me a heart attack. You are insulting the human race

 

[Myforevercharlie]

we're on a suicide forum. it's okay. wanting to die is a major aspect, but is wanting pain worse?

Pro choice...

 

[Dying2077]

Pro choice...

Can you close this topic?

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

It is contrary to the international declaration of human rights

Please, this topic is causing me a heart attack. You are insulting the human race

I'm sorry

life is also a human right, but we're on a suicide forum, pro choice and stuff...and I don't think I'm taking away anyone else's rights ??

 

[Dying Knight]

Can't help but disagree there: the act of seeking friendship through paid sex is a self-pleasuring act, maybe there's intention to forge a friendship afterwards, but the initial affection is shown in the form of a transaction.

It's, again, an affection that people seek for their own pleasure.

Everything we do is for our own pleasure. When you try to find a gf/bf for yourself, you do this for obtaining your happiness, or not?

but if it wasn't for self-pleasure, then why don't these buyers skip the buying part and go straight to the affection, love and appreciation without being, well, mostly creeps?

Just skip the buying part? In which world does it work so easy for men who could have problems with communication skills?