Unexpected problem

[archipelago]

I've been planning to ctb soon with N but came across an unexpected problem.

Someone in my circle may have access to N legally. I've never brought up my plans to ctb with anyone IRL. I've never been hospitalized for depression etc and have done my best to keep it that way, knowing how much more worse things get with authorities involved. I have one chance to get this right.

I'm scared that when I ctb, this person may get in trouble despite not knowing anything about my plan. I don't want this to happen to them, especially when it could mean serious trouble.

This and the realization that even though I'm not an alcoholic or on antipsychotic drugs, but have been otherwise using a different liver enzyme inducing drug (for a long time) are making me nervous. It is not a drug I can stop. I have the Dilantin but it seems like that's used more for controlling muscle twitches while dying than actually potentiating N based on another thread. I'm confused about this.

FFS all I wanted was a peaceful way out. I didn't want anything gruesome, or anything that would make it harder for the people who care about me. I can't easily access methods like gas.

I'm so angry.

Does anyone have any insight about either of these issues?

Thanks

 

[CommitSudoku]

I don't have much insight, I apologize for that. For your friend I can only make guesses on what would happen, but assuming their legal access is through some sort of company then their ought to be paper records of where things go and how they're used, if your friend really did end up getting investigated. Perhaps it's just naïve hope but I don't think your friend would be implicated in helping you, especially if there's no trail at all to show you gave them money for it, they never used N in ways they weren't supposed to, and you never talked about your plans to them ever. Evidence is needed and it would seem there wouldn't be much to warrant trying to look in to your friend if you haven't even given anyone indication of your plans.

Those are just thoughts and I hope it goes well. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[archipelago]

Thank you for replying I would on first thought assume the same thing that you do, but there are a few things that complicate this. First is police corruption and brutality. The second is that I have no idea (and no way of finding out) if there has been an issue with things going missing before, and if anyone was caught for it. Third is that I worry that even an investigation would cause problems like losing their job, which they really need.

Would it be bad to write in my note at the place where I ctb that I told no one of my plans? I'm not sure if that does good or or draw more attention to the situation.

 

[indigomoon]

I've been planning to ctb soon with N but came across an unexpected problem.

Someone in my circle may have access to N legally. I've never brought up my plans to ctb with anyone IRL. I've never been hospitalized for depression etc and have done my best to keep it that way, knowing how much more worse things get with authorities involved. I have one chance to get this right.

I'm scared that when I ctb, this person may get in trouble despite not knowing anything about my plan. I don't want this to happen to them, especially when it could mean serious trouble.

This and the realization that even though I'm not an alcoholic or on antipsychotic drugs, but have been otherwise using a different liver enzyme inducing drug (for a long time) are making me nervous. It is not a drug I can stop. I have the Dilantin but it seems like that's used more for controlling muscle twitches while dying than actually potentiating N based on another thread. I'm confused about this.

FFS all I wanted was a peaceful way out. I didn't want anything gruesome, or anything that would make it harder for the people who care about me. I can't easily access methods like gas.

I'm so angry.

Does anyone have any insight about either of these issues?

Thanks

What was your question regarding the liver enzyme med. ? I got kind of confused. And you are right about Dilantin. It's used for seizures. I don't think it would potentiate SN.

 

[archipelago]

What was your question regarding the liver enzyme med. ? I got kind of confused. And you are right about Dilantin. It's used for seizures. I don't think it would potentiate SN.

method is N, not SN. Don't worry about it, I looked into it more. Decided that I'll just try to get tested for elevated liver enzymes and plan accordingly.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Thank you for replying I would on first thought assume the same thing that you do, but there are a few things that complicate this. First is police corruption and brutality. The second is that I have no idea (and no way of finding out) if there has been an issue with things going missing before, and if anyone was caught for it. Third is that I worry that even an investigation would cause problems like losing their job, which they really need.

Would it be bad to write in my note at the place where I ctb that I told no one of my plans? I'm not sure if that does good or or draw more attention to the situation.

In some ways, if there are any issues with anything going missing at your friend's work or how things were handled there, that's completely out of your hands. You could make an argument that if you pass away they'll receive more scrutiny, but this could happen regardless of what you do. If people start playing with fire, they're always liable to get burned. I think that's out of your hands, and on the chance any fishy business is there, it could be discovered at any time regardless of anything you do. Same with the police corruption and brutality in a way, that could happen at any time as well - and if someone else is doing it I don't think it's right to blame yourself, even if theoretically you could possibility have a negative impact. The fact you're considering things like these shows how much you care as well, and I think that's an amazing thing, it does suck how we can be limited to control what will happen though.

For the question, I don't know, but I think you could work in the thought in a way so it could probably help and not hurt anyone. Like, "I'm sure no one expected this and that's because I've been hiding my desire to die for # years. I don't want anyone to blame themselves since everything I planned was completely by my singular doing." - this wording sucks, but my idea is if you kept it vague-ish but still point out how secretive you've been, that could maybe get through the idea you wanted without drawing attention to anyone or anything specific. I could be wrong though, just my thoughts on it. Honestly back when I wrote notes I think I did touch on how no one knew because I just never said since I felt like that might help those I leave behind to cope since they'd hopefully realize death is best for me.

 

[archipelago]

In some ways, if there are any issues with anything going missing at your friend's work or how things were handled there, that's completely out of your hands. You could make an argument that if you pass away they'll receive more scrutiny, but this could happen regardless of what you do. If people start playing with fire, they're always liable to get burned. I think that's out of your hands, and on the chance any fishy business is there, it could be discovered at any time regardless of anything you do. Same with the police corruption and brutality in a way, that could happen at any time as well - and if someone else is doing it I don't think it's right to blame yourself, even if theoretically you could possibility have a negative impact. The fact you're considering things like these shows how much you care as well, and I think that's an amazing thing, it does suck how we can be limited to control what will happen though.

For the question, I don't know, but I think you could work in the thought in a way so it could probably help and not hurt anyone. Like, "I'm sure no one expected this and that's because I've been hiding my desire to die for # years. I don't want anyone to blame themselves since everything I planned was completely by my singular doing." - this wording sucks, but my idea is if you kept it vague-ish but still point out how secretive you've been, that could maybe get through the idea you wanted without drawing attention to anyone or anything specific. I could be wrong though, just my thoughts on it.

This is really helpful, thank you! I can't say that no one would see it coming because they knew of prior suicidal ideation, but I never had any solid plan before nor did I self-harm so I think working in that element of surprise would be helpful. Actually I've felt a lot happier (even if I still have my reasons for ctb), so people I know would likely be surprised anyways because they've said I seem happier too. It definitely covers many bases.

 

[CommitSudoku]

This is really helpful, thank you! I can't say that no one would see it coming because they knew of prior suicidal ideation, but I never had any solid plan before nor did I self-harm so I think working in that element of surprise would be helpful. Actually I've felt a lot happier (even if I still have my reasons for ctb), so people I know would likely be surprised anyways because they've said I seem happier too. It definitely covers many bases.

If you do write a note, I think you could try to write it in such a way to try to make sure no one would be blamed or implicated. That generally is the aim of a lot of notes regardless, to try to take the burden off people. That's probably what I'd summarize to, I think a note could help. I hope you can get answers on the other question as I can't offer much for it.

 

[archipelago]

If you do write a note, I think you could try to write it in such a way to try to make sure no one would be blamed or implicated. That generally is the aim of a lot of notes regardless, to try to take the burden off people. That's probably what I'd summarize to, I think a note could help. I hope you can get answers on the other question as I can't offer much for it.

I have to rewrite some of my letters because I realized that some things may sound off. But I plan on leaving a note for the police or whoever finds me explaining essentially what you said.

as for the Dilantin thing, I did some research and found out that Dilantin in oral form doesn't usually cause cardiotoxic effects in overdose. It's the IV form that does, which is why there are combo N and Dilantin IV products. Based on that, I'm not sure that mixing Dilantin into N and drinking it would cause the necessary effect. So it might be a better idea to just get my liver enzymes tested to see if they're elevated, and go with something else to potentiate N based on those lab levels. Maybe benzo, since I haven't used them in ages and I'll have a low tolerance for them.

Life-threatening cardiotoxicity due to chronic oral phenytoin overdose - PubMed

Severe cardiac adverse effects are often related to intravenous phenytoin overdose. However, there is no reported cardiotoxicity resulting from oral overdose of phenytoin. We report a patient with post-traumatic epilepsy who received oral phenytoin for five months and developed life-threatening...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551520/ see the section for toxicity and cardiotoxicity edit: pathophysiology and cardiac toxicity, sorry

https://www.drugs.com/vet/pentobarbital-sodium-and-phenytoin-sodium.html the info here specifically talks about an IV product

 

[BrokenBliss]

Decided that I'll just try to get tested for elevated liver enzymes and plan accordingly.

Would you mind sharing what kind of meds you are referring to that may be affecting your liver enzymes? I'm on a lot of meds and haven't been able to get clarity on their impact on mine. Thanks.

 

[archipelago]

Would you mind sharing what kind of meds you are referring to that may be affecting your liver enzymes? I'm on a lot of meds and haven't been able to get clarity on their impact on mine. Thanks.

I'll DM you, I don't want too much identifying info out in the open