nummie
Chronically silly
- Feb 24, 2023
- 30
Hey, I'm back after 7 months. I'm still depressed as fuck and my life is still just as miserable. My suicidal tendencies have gotten worse, my self harming has come back, I turned back to every bad habit I had and I'm so sick of myself.
I have no value in this world and it's to draining to carry on like this if it's always going to be the same. Why do people lie to you and say it's going to be better when I've been struggling for 9 years, it's not fair.
Anyway, I'm actually going to make a plan this time and follow through but as I'm really thinking about it I just feel guilty because I've been such a burden to my family that I feel like I shouldve just ended it sooner before they spent so much on me to send me to university. Like all that money and energy my parents spent on me would've just been wasted, it would've been better if I wasn't even born in the first place.
So far my plan consists of going into the beach and swimming far enough until I eventually drown which is pretty stupid but that's the only thing I can think of as of now since no other method is available to me (eg SN and other lethal drugs or a gun)
during these two months, I'll plan to sell everything I have slowly and leave that to my parents so that that guilt I feel would be lesser.
This is manly a journal-ish post to vent about my pathetic life and also to think through this since I have no other way of communicating this.
This community has honestly been so open and I'm so happy I can voice this to people who understand
I have no value in this world and it's to draining to carry on like this if it's always going to be the same. Why do people lie to you and say it's going to be better when I've been struggling for 9 years, it's not fair.
Anyway, I'm actually going to make a plan this time and follow through but as I'm really thinking about it I just feel guilty because I've been such a burden to my family that I feel like I shouldve just ended it sooner before they spent so much on me to send me to university. Like all that money and energy my parents spent on me would've just been wasted, it would've been better if I wasn't even born in the first place.
So far my plan consists of going into the beach and swimming far enough until I eventually drown which is pretty stupid but that's the only thing I can think of as of now since no other method is available to me (eg SN and other lethal drugs or a gun)
during these two months, I'll plan to sell everything I have slowly and leave that to my parents so that that guilt I feel would be lesser.
This is manly a journal-ish post to vent about my pathetic life and also to think through this since I have no other way of communicating this.
This community has honestly been so open and I'm so happy I can voice this to people who understand
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welcome back to sasu 
