I am so confused because I am living in a care home where I could live bed bound with depression and they will feed me and look after me. OR I have the ingredients for a peaceful CTB and I can run away during day light hours and then just make my death happen. There is a risk they will find my ingredients for CTB. The only reaason I am functioning enough to type and move around is because of drugs which are not allowed in the care home. They are going to drug test me. I have one lot of fake urine left
hi to everyone who loves me. thank you for loving me and I love you too. I was born with a brain that didn't feel normal human emotion, or it got scared and didn't feel normal human emotion. I have always been terrified of feeling anything at all. It is only drugs which make me feel something. this is Ketamine I'm on at the moment.
The psychiatrist at the hospital referrred me to the ketamine clinic in my area for mood modulation. How long is that going to take? I bet it's really busy. They are also going to raise my dose of Mirtazapine.
I'm tripping on ketamine now. I don't know how to leave a suicide note. I love everyone. I wish I could love everything. Then I would not be depresssed. depresssion is wanting to die even though you are on holiday with the love of your life. Wanting to die even though you are married and loved. I have been really loved and nothing could save me from depression. I don't want to upset my family. I had a lot of luck in my life. White middle class pretty privilege but this mental illlness in my head. I don't know how much more of this torture I can take.
Should i live tortured and bedridden to stop my family members being depressed? Please someone help me out here. I've wanted to die for so long. Been evicted from so many places. I want to tell everyone I love them. and I just really want to be dead,
Anyway, my truth is I cannot get out of bed without drugs. and they are drug testing me. Everyone will blame the drugs. they will blame this forum. But they don't know whatit's like to live in my head without drugs. the drugs are the only way I feel anything at all apart from the depresssion.
I'm living in a care home who willl keep me alive tortured with depression. I just don't want it. But can I do it for my brother and his daughters? He will be heart-broken when I cTB but I've been wanting this for so long, it is a big relief for me. I have the recipe. I have drugs. I just don\t want to be caught with them or there willl be no way out.
Or do i just live in this care home with chronic depression, no accesss to drugs. no access to CTB. What do you choose?
hi to everyone who loves me. thank you for loving me and I love you too. I was born with a brain that didn't feel normal human emotion, or it got scared and didn't feel normal human emotion. I have always been terrified of feeling anything at all. It is only drugs which make me feel something. this is Ketamine I'm on at the moment.
The psychiatrist at the hospital referrred me to the ketamine clinic in my area for mood modulation. How long is that going to take? I bet it's really busy. They are also going to raise my dose of Mirtazapine.
I'm tripping on ketamine now. I don't know how to leave a suicide note. I love everyone. I wish I could love everything. Then I would not be depresssed. depresssion is wanting to die even though you are on holiday with the love of your life. Wanting to die even though you are married and loved. I have been really loved and nothing could save me from depression. I don't want to upset my family. I had a lot of luck in my life. White middle class pretty privilege but this mental illlness in my head. I don't know how much more of this torture I can take.
Should i live tortured and bedridden to stop my family members being depressed? Please someone help me out here. I've wanted to die for so long. Been evicted from so many places. I want to tell everyone I love them. and I just really want to be dead,
Anyway, my truth is I cannot get out of bed without drugs. and they are drug testing me. Everyone will blame the drugs. they will blame this forum. But they don't know whatit's like to live in my head without drugs. the drugs are the only way I feel anything at all apart from the depresssion.
I'm living in a care home who willl keep me alive tortured with depression. I just don't want it. But can I do it for my brother and his daughters? He will be heart-broken when I cTB but I've been wanting this for so long, it is a big relief for me. I have the recipe. I have drugs. I just don\t want to be caught with them or there willl be no way out.
Or do i just live in this care home with chronic depression, no accesss to drugs. no access to CTB. What do you choose?
