cassxtho
Deftones Fan
- Nov 8, 2022
- 58
I just want to be a normal girl my age. I want to talk about boys, video games, fashion, food, and typical shit but I am so unable to. I have sensory issues from ADHD so when it comes to makeup, I can only use mascara, eyeliner, and chapsticks/lipglosses. Having long nails is attractive and cute but when I'm off of stimulants for too long the sensation becomes unbearable. I had a blood condition when I was younger, so I was unable to do things like riding bikes or hang out with other kids, so I spent a lot of time occupying myself. I feel like it's set me back socially so an unfixable extent. Nobody can understand just how mentally ill I am, even the few other people I have met who have suicidal feelings. I still have yet to meet another person (in real life) who's attempted. Feeling like I'm on the outside looking in all the time is so hard; I just want to feel like everyone else.
I often wonder how people see the world in such a way that they can actually feel like life is worth living. How do I become that way? I'm not interested in CTB yet because I know I am a capable and smart person, there are things I want to be the first woman in my family to accomplish, but it's just so hard not fitting in. It is so hard for me to make connections with other people because I cannot understand them at all, and vise versa. I thought being an accomplished person would make it better but as I continue to make achievements that have people in my life either jealous or proud of me for, I don't feel any different.
I often wonder how people see the world in such a way that they can actually feel like life is worth living. How do I become that way? I'm not interested in CTB yet because I know I am a capable and smart person, there are things I want to be the first woman in my family to accomplish, but it's just so hard not fitting in. It is so hard for me to make connections with other people because I cannot understand them at all, and vise versa. I thought being an accomplished person would make it better but as I continue to make achievements that have people in my life either jealous or proud of me for, I don't feel any different.
