Venting Trying to get better failed again. I lost everything

[Sammyweevil]

Hey so it's been awhile since I've posted here.
I ordered SN around the last time I was active here, and it got found by my family and I was sent to the mental hospital...
Since then I've spent the last few months trying to get better, getting put on new meds, getting therapy.
The more I talk to proffesionals the more mental illnesses they diagnose me with, and I have to think about. My mind is a mess and the rest of my life is going to suck because of it. I wish I wasn't mentally ill I wish I could just be normal.

Today I lost almost everything I have today, I lost my partner, I probably lost my best friends. I got put into a situation where no matter what I do I would be destroyed. My best friend was into me and wanted to start dating. But I already have a partner. And today everything just spiraled out of control the stress of not knowing what to do caused a mental health episode and they both understood while it was happening later both of them just left me... I feel alone and like I lost everything
I think I'm ready to give up again, I might order more SN.
I feel stupid I keep trying to get help and get better repeatedly and it always ends up back here. I keep going in this loop of thinking I can get better and that I shouldn't CTB but It just keeps proving that this is the best option for me.

I don't know really what to do anymore. I feel so like numb and I can't even feel a bit of joy tonight.
Thank you all for reading this!

 

[Le temps perdu]

hi, trying to get help is a brave thing to do, even if you feel like it hasn't helped you get better, you've still done your best. I can understand how hard it is to reach out for help and then feel like nothing has really improved. i hope your situation get better

 

[sleepytime5]

Hey so it's been awhile since I've posted here.
I ordered SN around the last time I was active here, and it got found by my family and I was sent to the mental hospital...
Since then I've spent the last few months trying to get better, getting put on new meds, getting therapy.
The more I talk to proffesionals the more mental illnesses they diagnose me with, and I have to think about. My mind is a mess and the rest of my life is going to suck because of it. I wish I wasn't mentally ill I wish I could just be normal.

Today I lost almost everything I have today, I lost my partner, I probably lost my best friends. I got put into a situation where no matter what I do I would be destroyed. My best friend was into me and wanted to start dating. But I already have a partner. And today everything just spiraled out of control the stress of not knowing what to do caused a mental health episode and they both understood while it was happening later both of them just left me... I feel alone and like I lost everything
I think I'm ready to give up again, I might order more SN.
I feel stupid I keep trying to get help and get better repeatedly and it always ends up back here. I keep going in this loop of thinking I can get better and that I shouldn't CTB but It just keeps proving that this is the best option for me.

I don't know really what to do anymore. I feel so like numb and I can't even feel a bit of joy tonight.
Thank you all for reading this!

I get you, being mentally ill doesn't make it harder just internally, it fucks with everything around you, your whole life, life itself is full of shitty stuff happening, in my case my dad gives zero fucks about my mental struggles, he either says I am lazy or stupid, same with everyone else, most people around me see my disorders as made up, the stereotypical stuff or as funny ha ha man that has everything in the book, honestly fuck them, and yes everything triggers me, can't even have someone planning stuff in front of me without stupid me entering a crisis. Don't even get me started on the "lemme try different meds or some other shit, it's getting better, no shit it isn't" I was always ADHD, started struggling with OCD later on, then depression, thought SSRIs will help me, then they reveal a dormant bipolar 1 disorder, and yeah at this point I am sure with my history anti psychotics will give me td or smth, abilify already almost killed me so. I am tired of being a lab rat and I am tired of being so sensitive to the world around me

 

[Infelix-Cat]

I feel you. I've been in a similar position to you, losing my partner, my passion, and my life pretty much. I also got the mental health runaround, and I wish I could tell you that life gets better with these mental disorders. They truly feel soul-crushing in a way that's difficult to describe. The only thing I can tell you is if there's even a little tiny part of you that doesn't want to give up yet, then keep trying and fighting. I think some people are successful with mental disorders, and it's possible you could be that person. But I also completely understand wanting to give up too, so if that's the route you go, then I wish you a peaceful and easy transition. I'm sorry life has sucked for you.