Trying to call friends for the first time in a bit

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

Terrified out of my life rn bc Trauma (tm) / weird trigger stuff but its going ok rn

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I'm super glad. Wishing you the best

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

Got triggered by a conversation and think someones upset at me :(
prolly not gonna try that again in a few weeks :( i hate ptsd

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Got triggered by a conversation and think someones upset at me :(
prolly not gonna try that again in a few weeks :( i hate ptsd

Why do you think someones upset with you? You can't help having things trigger strong emotions usually. It's not your fault this happens to you. Did you explain why you got upset?

Sorry you feel so bad now. I hate ptsd too

 

[Dinorun]

Do you know they hate you or do you project on them what you think about yourself?
I do this a lot when it has no grounds in reality, looking for every miniature proof for my beliefs
Also I tend to go in absolute truths which also looks like may be the case here, it's very hard to start hating someone who just called to be friendly they may have been busy or it wasn't the best time to call that is all

Try to give people especially friends more of the benefit of the doubt

Also I know how hard it is to make such a call, I'm proud of you :) keep going!

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

Why do you think someones upset with you? You can't help having things trigger strong emotions usually. It's not your fault this happens to you. Did you explain why you got upset?

Sorry you feel so bad now. I hate ptsd too

He immediately got upset after i asked to change the subject and dm'd my bf without any context. He knows why I got upset i'm pretty sure bc the subject was literally grooming (smth he knows is like. my trauma. he knows i was groomed when i was 12) and he just fucking left call without talking to anyone besides my bf and it was like. right after i asked for a subject change. which rlly hurt but i think if i bring it up he'll snap at me

Do you know they hate you or do you project on them what you think about yourself?
I do this a lot when it has no grounds in reality, looking for every miniature proof for my beliefs
Also I tend to go in absolute truths which also looks like may be the case here, it's very hard to start hating someone who just called to be friendly they may have been busy or it wasn't the best time to call that is all

Try to give people especially friends more of the benefit of the doubt

Also I know how hard it is to make such a call, I'm proud of you :) keep going!

I'm not sure there. At least one of them certainly doesn't like me (see previous comment) but the rest im not sure. I'm more just scared of people due to past stuff + have a hard time telling when someone does like me. Also it was a discord call so it feels a bit different.

I'll really try to, as I want to have friends again, but I'm super unstable due to a combination of medications I'm on and the issues they're (supposed to be) treating.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

He immediately got upset after i asked to change the subject and dm'd my bf without any context. He knows why I got upset i'm pretty sure bc the subject was literally grooming (smth he knows is like. my trauma. he knows i was groomed when i was 12) and he just fucking left call without talking to anyone besides my bf and it was like. right after i asked for a subject change. which rlly hurt but i think if i bring it up he'll snap at me

I'm not sure there. At least one of them certainly doesn't like me (see previous comment) but the rest im not sure. I'm more just scared of people due to past stuff + have a hard time telling when someone does like me. Also it was a discord call so it feels a bit different.

I'll really try to, as I want to have friends again, but I'm super unstable due to a combination of medications I'm on and the issues they're (supposed to be) treating.

That sounds terrible. I'd be so upset if that happened too. Doesn't sound like a super good friend doing that. I'd bring it up. With friends you should be able to bring up anything. I understand the fear of losing friends tho so if you don't i can't blame you.

I've thought people hated me and they never did. The mind can definitely trick you good btw

I hope once the meds get to the right levels and your body adjusts they help you lots! You should be proud of trying

Hoping the best for ya

 

[echoINTHEMIRROR]

That sounds terrible. I'd be so upset if that happened too. Doesn't sound like a super good friend doing that. I'd bring it up. With friends you should be able to bring up anything. I understand the fear of losing friends tho so if you don't i can't blame you.

I've thought people hated me and they never did. The mind can definitely trick you good btw

I hope once the meds get to the right levels and your body adjusts they help you lots! You should be proud of trying

Hoping the best for ya

Sorry it took forever to respond, I attempted to sleep and failed miserably (im ok lol, my spine just feels like its attempting escape)

I'd bring it up but I'm tbh really fucking scared. After he left he set his discord status to "Im extremely upset and should be murdered" without additional context and hasn't spoken to me since. Ik hes going thru a lot too but like idk. It feels weird to shut down on someone after they ask to change the topic out of grooming/cults/other heavy topics and then not say anything to them at all. I still feel like I somehow fucked up and its really weird :(

The mind is really cruel sometimes and it's really annoying. Mine messes with me a lot bc of some things that happened before I went into isolation (long story ill prolly throw in a vent one day) and its kind of a mess to work around. You seem really lovely tho/genuine and very kind.

I hope so too, these meds are awful but I'd rather not risk withdrawal rn

I hope the best for you too, mean it