Venting Trouble in paradise

[squillykilly]

I've been having a hard time with my girlfriend, I wish she would just like.. listen to me. Basically, she deals with a lot of mental health issues, it seems like BPD but we won't assume. It's been pretty hard on me and everytime I tell her that she needs therapy, she just says "I won't tell you anything anymore" like I'm not saying don't vent to me, I'm saying you need REAL help.
She had a breakdown last night cuz her best friend was mad at her for talking to a guy he doesn't like, and her initial solution was to quite literally disappear off the face of the earth without telling anyone. That's not okay. What if we have a small argument and she just disappears from my life y'know? It feels really unfair and it's been weighing on me lately.
I definitely feel like that one image where the guy is like "I can fix her!" And then he ends up just as bad as her

 

[monetpompo]

everytime I tell her that she needs therapy, she just says "I won't tell you anything anymore" like I'm not saying don't vent to me, I'm saying you need REAL help.

responding to this as someone with bpd tendencies. therapy is stigmatized and she probably feels like a burden or like she's annoying you by you saying she needs therapy, instead of you pointing out the severity of her problems. i've been told to seek therapy a lot but i've made it clear that i just can't seek it if i don't have money and my insurance doesn't cover it. i've cut people off for telling me to get therapy even though i know they mean well. it can be triggering to hear, because it's also invalidating.

her initial solution was to quite literally disappear off the face of the earth without telling anyone. That's not okay. What if we have a small argument and she just disappears from my life y'know? It feels really unfair and it's been weighing on me lately.

i'm also prone to thinking like this. i block people and tell them to go away, or ghost people frequently because i feel like they don't need me in their life or that i'm a burden. that's my thought process, anyway. it'll never be your fault if she disappears, because she's choosing to do that. if she does it multiple times then i wouldn't talk to her, because you shouldn't have to deal with that.

it may be bpd or something else. she probably isn't professionally diagnosed with anything. i feel bad for her but i also get why she thinks it's better to fall off the face of the earth and avoid the people that care about her. it seems easy to be forgotten about if you feel like you have no sense of self or like people can forget about you easily if they're already upset at you. i often stop responding to people's messages if i'm scared that i've upset them, or like i don't have any place in their life. i just don't feel like much of a person, even if i'm capable of being important to people.

 

[squillykilly]

responding to this as someone with bpd tendencies. therapy is stigmatized and she probably feels like a burden or like she's annoying you by you saying she needs therapy, instead of you pointing out the severity of her problems. i've been told to seek therapy a lot but i've made it clear that i just can't seek it if i don't have money and my insurance doesn't cover it. i've cut people off for telling me to get therapy even though i know they mean well. it can be triggering to hear, because it's also invalidating.


i'm also prone to thinking like this. i block people and tell them to go away, or ghost people frequently because i feel like they don't need me in their life or that i'm a burden. that's my thought process, anyway. it'll never be your fault if she disappears, because she's choosing to do that. if she does it multiple times then i wouldn't talk to her, because you shouldn't have to deal with that.

it may be bpd or something else. she probably isn't professionally diagnosed with anything. i feel bad for her but i also get why she thinks it's better to fall off the face of the earth and avoid the people that care about her. it seems easy to be forgotten about if you feel like you have no sense of self or like people can forget about you easily if they're already upset at you. i often stop responding to people's messages if i'm scared that i've upset them, or like i don't have any place in their life. i just don't feel like much of a person, even if i'm capable of being important to people.

I still think it is all extremely unfair, it's been nearly 4 years like this. I understand that she may feel like a burden when I tell her that she seriously needs help, but that's because it's also starting to effect me every day. There are things beyond just the possible bpd, and she has had therapists in the past, she only stopped going because her main therapist moved to a different state, that was like 5 years ago now. It's unfair to be trying to heal myself (going on anti depressants, going to therapy and such) and being with someone who doesn't really want to I guess...
I feel guilty for talking like this, but it's been weighing on me so badly. I understand BPD is much harder to deal with when you have it, but it is still hard for the people around you... Which I feel awful for saying but I'm just so exhausted

 

[monetpompo]

I still think it is all extremely unfair, it's been nearly 4 years like this.

you should break up with her /gen
not to sound patronizing, but the girl sounds fried. i wouldn't be able to put up with her behavior even if i care for her. it's just too much to deal with, especially if it's weighing on you so much. i don't really hold much sympathy for her, i just empathize with her. if she's not choosing to change her behavior then she doesn't sound like a good person to be around. but maybe you already know this. i personally wouldn't be able to date someone that causes me frequent stress and refuses to take accountability for the way they treat me.

 

[squillykilly]

you should break up with her /gen
not to sound patronizing, but the girl sounds fried. i wouldn't be able to put up with her behavior even if i care for her. it's just too much to deal with, especially if it's weighing on you so much. i don't really hold much sympathy for her, i just empathize with her. if she's not choosing to change her behavior then she doesn't sound like a good person to be around. but maybe you already know this. i personally wouldn't be able to date someone that causes me frequent stress and refuses to take accountability for the way they treat me.

I don't think breaking up is the best solution, I do love her and she's the only person who understands me, I just want her to listen to me a bit more. Which could use some more convincing and such...

 

[monetpompo]

just want her to listen to me a bit more.

i mean, it's been 4 years. that's a lot of years. you know the situation better than me though