Too scared to live, too scared to die

[Ravel]

I have failed at everything. The fact that I may still have a few decades to live is simply terrifying. I wasn't made for this world, i want to drink my sn but it's so hard, the si is so strong. I wish someone would just kill me already, this life is so pathetic.

 

[Valky]

It is complete bullshit. Everything feels wrong. Making you wish you never existed in the first place to begin with.

 

[Crono]

I understand that, I've been trying to get up the courage to hang myself but so far nothing. Leaving this life should be as easy as pushing a button. If I had a gun I'd blow my brains out right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think that those with the option of SN are fortunate, but I get that it's awful and tiring feeling so trapped in this dreadful existence, potentially suffering for decades longer is what terrifies me as well, death certainly is the only relief for me.

 

[OceanBlue]

Yeah, it's this situation, my brain wants to die and won't let itself die.
It's unreasonable to think that if it tries again, this time will be different, it will be the same.
It's exhausting to be so stuck, it's probably just a lack of courage. SI is not rational.

But it's normal, I often come across similar posts. It's scary, so I really don't understand pronatalists who dismiss death as no big deal, they'll say anything as long as they get to breed and not feel any guilt over it.

This is much more difficult than I expected. I have never attempted suicide before because I didn't have a foolproof method up until now. I am a new member here who recently discovered that ctb'ing is easier and more accessible than they thought. I am so glad that this site exists, otherwise I would've attempted something much more painful and ended up with a permanent disability or brain damage.

Now that I have resources, methods and materials all ready to go, I cannot bring myself to do it. I am ready to leave but irrational fears and anxiety is holding me back. This stupid failing society brainwashes people to believe notions of hell, rebirth, afterlife and other dumb stuff to keep you from dying. The only thing I believe in anymore is nihilism but my anxiety tells me what if these notions are true??? I want to go soon but these intrusive thoughts are giving me so much anxiety.