somedaybutnottoday
New Member
- Jul 27, 2026
- 4
I want to die, but I'm scared my ICD will fire and restart my heart if I take all my heart medication. I want to tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts, but I can't. I'll probably be in a psych ward or dead by the end of the week. I have a son by a terrible person, but I'm not much better. I'm a used up whore who will never be loved, only confined to rooms where men who don't love me will come in and pretend to.
My mind just plays a 3rd person view of my body in the bathtub and my kid's dad walking in the bathroom. It's comforting because it means I won, that he couldn't own me, couldn't force me into being a family anymore.
He deserves to be traumatized and abandoned after everything he's done to traumatize me and refuse to let me go. He'll break and call his mom who knows what a piece of shit he is. He lied on her to keep me in a relationship with him.
I would leave separate notes for him and my son. Something short and bitter for my kid's dad, like Hope you learned your lesson and something encouraging and meaningful for my son.
I want to finally do it so bad. I count out my medication and do math to total up the milligrams when I'm overwhelmed.
I'm scared my device will fire once my heart slows to a stop and resuscitate me. I'm scared I'll have a stroke or end up in a coma. Scared I'll be brain-damaged if it fails.
My doctors worked so hard to keep me alive and I just want to throw it all away. Physically, I'm getting better. Mentally, I'm just getting worse.
Nobody's ever attempted suicide with an ICD before.
My mind just plays a 3rd person view of my body in the bathtub and my kid's dad walking in the bathroom. It's comforting because it means I won, that he couldn't own me, couldn't force me into being a family anymore.
He deserves to be traumatized and abandoned after everything he's done to traumatize me and refuse to let me go. He'll break and call his mom who knows what a piece of shit he is. He lied on her to keep me in a relationship with him.
I would leave separate notes for him and my son. Something short and bitter for my kid's dad, like Hope you learned your lesson and something encouraging and meaningful for my son.
I want to finally do it so bad. I count out my medication and do math to total up the milligrams when I'm overwhelmed.
I'm scared my device will fire once my heart slows to a stop and resuscitate me. I'm scared I'll have a stroke or end up in a coma. Scared I'll be brain-damaged if it fails.
My doctors worked so hard to keep me alive and I just want to throw it all away. Physically, I'm getting better. Mentally, I'm just getting worse.
Nobody's ever attempted suicide with an ICD before.
