Venting too much si too hang

[notgonnamakeit]

Hello everyone. I haven't been as active recently because I haven't found myself with much to say, but I finally have something. I have tried hanging twice now, and both times I chickened out from SI. I know that death is my only choice now, I know I need to die, I want to die, I have the option right before me... but I still can't bring myself to do it. I really hate myself so much.
Does anybody have any advice on where to go next? I had another thread discussing using medication to eliminate SI, but I can't wait that long, and I'm scared that it won't have enough of an effect. At this point I'm thinking I need to use another method, I think a firearm may be my best option. I would go the SN route, but I don't have enough money to get that at all or the other stuff you need for it, and I'm too fucking stupid and emotional to get a job. Sometimes I wish that I was born with more aggressive parents, ones that would force me out of the house to get a job, instead my parents are the nicest people in the world, and they just go on rants to me that I need to get a job and I don't even care enough to do anything about it.
I just feel clueless at this point. My life is going nowhere. I feel like I have no one. I can't do anything healthy for myself. I can't even end myself, I'm really so useless that I'm just stuck here being an apathetic, unemployed, stupid ass sack of flesh.

 

[notgonnamakeit]

thanks DreamsOfNothing for the hug react it means a lot, and thank you for inspiring an update on this thread. not gonna @ you cause I'm very socially awkward, but if you see this, thank you
personal update still feeling the same way but still going IDK what to do, only back here cause I'm feeling hopeless again...
I honestly hate that I've gotten used to using this site to vent, I came here at my lowest emotionally, and have not been able to fully leave since. it's the only community that once was decently supportive
although FYI for new users, this place isn't exactly the same as it used to be. as an autistic guy, I can't use the site anymore, the space isn't safe enough... very sorry to say that, and I hope those really going through it find their peace sooner than later. but I feel like this site has been ransacked by a bunch of bots, trolls, and haters... sadly.
currently thinking a firearm as my best method. I know it isn't 100% guarantee, but honestly I'd rather just suffer as a vegetable than be physically capable but mentally uncapable. when people see you as capable, and you have an invisible struggle like being autistic, people tend to flat out hate you. that's fine, it's not their responsibility to make me feel good about myself anyways lol.
hoping nobody feels sorry for me from this thread, that's not really why I'm here. I hope someone can relate to this, I hope this shows someone that you are not alone, sorry everyone that the world is so shitty these days, truly hoping for a quick and peaceful ending for the users of this site


sorry if this thread is too unrelatable too, I know some people don't really have any hope whatsoever right now and I'm not trying to seem self-important, I just wanted somewhere to go to let out my thoughts, but I hope that my posts sink to the bottom quickly and those who need help more than I do are found first.
I know when I first started using this site, I hated seeing hopeful threads, so if you feel that way then I totally understand you, I'm just at a different place but there's nothing wrong or unreasonable about being in the other position. if anything it's more reasonable, I've just fallen back down the path of the normies

 

[sadsillygoose]

I know it isn't 100% guarantee, but honestly I'd rather just suffer as a vegetable than be physically capable but mentally uncapable.

Honestly same, I always get the "lot of people out there are going through situations worse than you" which makes me feel even worse. I feel guilty because I have everything in life, yet I just dont see the point of trying anymore.

Im going through the same situation as you. Even if I do rarely hear back from the place Ive applied for a job, I just simply ghost them or not do my best. In the back of my brain. Im not gonna get hired anyways and even if I do they will either fire me because they realise Im a complete fucking idiot, or I get stuck with a job that will make me feel even more miserable in life.

Sometimes I wish that I was born with more aggressive parents, ones that would force me out of the house to get a job, instead my parents are the nicest people in the world, and they just go on rants to me that I need to get a job and I don't even care enough to do anything about it.

My mom was really agressive and she has "changed", meaning that she only reframes a command as a question so it doesnt sound so mean.

I see why you would think that but parents like that only make you feel so much rage that you would try your best and then eventually burn out. Like my mom still tries to make me feel like shit by calling me lazy but Ive learned that she is not gonna change. So yeah even if I feel hatred Ive just learned to keep it to myself for so long that it doesnt even motivate me anymore.

Ik that whatever I said wouldnt help you, but I hope you do find peace and happiness in whatever route you decide to take in life.