Tomorrow?

[45ready2ctb]

So I had been planning on going out in style of sorts- booked one way first class air ticket to another city for last weekend...and nixed it just in time for refund on air. Was going to take SN in a fancy hotel far away from home. Changed plans while dropping our youngest child off to school day I was set to take off. Thought maybe things could get better. Maybe a switch in meds would magically help level off the anxiety & depression that had kicked into high gear after learning my spouse was in a blossoming relationship with another.

Things only get worse and each day is more painful than the next. The level of indifference displayed by spouse is palpable. My heart longed for huge displays of affection and regret. Passion too. I feel so incredibly lonely. I fought so hard to overcome cancer and all for what? Drudgery day after day. Pain- physical, emotional and mental. Things I used to look forward to are nothing anymore.

All I can see if continued anxiety over my health (every symptom could be signs of recurrence) and sharing a house with a roommate who feels like a stranger. I've lost my best friend in him...and all the respect I had for who I thought he was.

I'm so incredibly tired. I keep looking for things to make me feel better- even buying drugs to spark euphoria off of darkweb. Nothing helps. Nothing changes.

I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. I'm thinking of just going through with it tomorrow at home. I have sodium nitrite handy, along with anti-emetics and tagamet. I don't want to be alone in a strange place. I want to be in my bed with our dogs close. I'll schedule an email to go out to my spouse so he can alert police and get here before any of our kids are back home so no one but him will see my dead body.

Anyone else planning on ctb tomorrow or sometime this week?

 

[Aaron Josef]

I was cheated on also(it doesn't feel good)

 

[45ready2ctb]

It's hell. Ever since finding out, I've felt like I'm stuck upside down on the tallest, scariest roller coaster.

 

[Aaron Josef]

It's hell. Ever since finding out, I've felt like I'm stuck upside down on the tallest, scariest roller coaster.

Is it possible for You to leave?

 

[AndyCurious]

It's hell. Ever since finding out, I've felt like I'm stuck upside down on the tallest, scariest roller coaster.

So sorry to hear about that.. No one deserves to be treated so badly, but it says more about them than about you.. Hugs

 

[Schopenhauer]

Life is awful. I'm sorry about what you're going through. I do hope you ctb in peace.

 

[MachineGunDani]

I can completely relate! I am doing SN too and wish I didn't have to b alone. I think it's going to b soon too. It arrives in like 2 days. Still gotta get the other things too tho

 

[45ready2ctb]

Is it possible for You to leave?

Probably not and it's not the only reason. Truth be told, I actually encouraged him to find someone for sex thinking my libido was gone without truly thinking about how it would impact me emotionally (and thinking he probably wouldn't go through with it anyway). He didn't have sex but boy was it an emotional connection- one that made him feel he's poly. Told me to give dating others a try so I created a profile and it just made me feel ick all around. How casual he was about it really cut me to my core. He cut off contact but I'll always know something was there and I don't fulfill all his needs or make him happy which makes me feel more worthless than I already have after everything I've been through.

I just don't want to be alive anymore. It feels so fucking pointless. I've got everything I need so I have zero excuses not to just ctb today. I'll try to come on here and report how SN feels since I know many on here worry about pain issues. I had planned on N but got scammed so SN will have to do.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Probably not and it's not the only reason. Truth be told, I actually encouraged him to find someone for sex thinking my libido was gone without truly thinking about how it would impact me emotionally (and thinking he probably wouldn't go through with it anyway). He didn't have sex but boy was it an emotional connection- one that made him feel he's poly. Told me to give dating others a try so I created a profile and it just made me feel ick all around. How casual he was about it really cut me to my core. He cut off contact but I'll always know something was there and I don't fulfill all his needs or make him happy which makes me feel more worthless than I already have after everything I've been through.

I just don't want to be alive anymore. It feels so fucking pointless. I've got everything I need so I have zero excuses not to just ctb today. I'll try to come on here and report how SN feels since I know many on here worry about pain issues. I had planned on N but got scammed so SN will have to do.

That's horrible! I'm so sorry :( I was gonna go with n too but I'm scared of getting scammed and sn is cheaper and easier to get. It's how I'm going too!

 

[Lovemykids]

Probably not and it's not the only reason. Truth be told, I actually encouraged him to find someone for sex thinking my libido was gone without truly thinking about how it would impact me emotionally (and thinking he probably wouldn't go through with it anyway). He didn't have sex but boy was it an emotional connection- one that made him feel he's poly. Told me to give dating others a try so I created a profile and it just made me feel ick all around. How casual he was about it really cut me to my core. He cut off contact but I'll always know something was there and I don't fulfill all his needs or make him happy which makes me feel more worthless than I already have after everything I've been through.

I just don't want to be alive anymore. It feels so fucking pointless. I've got everything I need so I have zero excuses not to just ctb today. I'll try to come on here and report how SN feels since I know many on here worry about pain issues. I had planned on N but got scammed so SN will have to do.

From which source u get scammed

 

[1234dave]

From which source u get scammed

shes gone

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

From which source u get scammed

I'm almost sure OP said it was someone by the name of Domingo, in one of the later editions of the PPH that pulled the scam with the N. You can go through her post history if you want to make sure.

 

[Lovemykids]

I'm almost sure OP said it was someone by the name of Domingo, in one of the later editions of the PPH that pulled the scam with the N. You can go through her post history if you want to make sure.

In pph August 2018 I think Domingo is still listed there no? So how reliable or trustable A whom is listed on it as well

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

In pph August 2018 I think Domingo is still listed there no? So how reliable or trustable A whom is listed on it as well

I haven't checked Aug2018 PPH but the bottom line is no one should waste their time with Domingo, when I've only heard his name mentioned twice on here and both times the N was never delivered after payment made.

So far A is the real deal. He has a 100% success rate from what I can tell. Because, if your first package doesn't arrive, he sends another.

I also found communicating with him to be easy and straight forward, he clearly has experience and the numbers to back it up.

 

[Lovemykids]

True
He sent me detail email