I'm just scared in general at this point that I'll do something drastic and out of control and wake up from it and this will get extremely worse, so today might just be the day; even if it's by a method I don't particularly want to go by.
Rant: I'm exhausted, I'm tired. My life has been chaotic. I was put on medicine for bipolar and anxiety at 11, with my first attempt being extremely shortly after. My childhood was chaotic, but the best part of my life. As a teenager everything went to hell. I was used by so many people and it continued into adulthood. Eventually my uncle who was extremely close to my age and my mother died. People say life gets better, but I'm not feeling it. Better? Than a few years ago? Sure. Compared to a few years ago I couldn't smoke weed or drive cars. But better better? Nah. It's always been this way. My brain has always hated me. My diagnosis now include borderline (which is being changed back to bipolar, but do we even care??), agoraphobia, CPTSD, panic, anxiety... etc. I just want to be a functioning human and that does not seem to be in my future and I am sorry for anyone else who feels this way.
Rant: I'm exhausted, I'm tired. My life has been chaotic. I was put on medicine for bipolar and anxiety at 11, with my first attempt being extremely shortly after. My childhood was chaotic, but the best part of my life. As a teenager everything went to hell. I was used by so many people and it continued into adulthood. Eventually my uncle who was extremely close to my age and my mother died. People say life gets better, but I'm not feeling it. Better? Than a few years ago? Sure. Compared to a few years ago I couldn't smoke weed or drive cars. But better better? Nah. It's always been this way. My brain has always hated me. My diagnosis now include borderline (which is being changed back to bipolar, but do we even care??), agoraphobia, CPTSD, panic, anxiety... etc. I just want to be a functioning human and that does not seem to be in my future and I am sorry for anyone else who feels this way.
