Story To My Friend Erin (poem)

[LoiteringClouds]

Note: The names below are entirely fictional.

I wrote a letter to one of my best friend. (She said it's okay to post it here.)

---

Hello Erin,
Thanks so much, whenever you weigh in,
Kind validation is what you bring -
You've listened to my great suffering.

I have tried to catch the bus at whim.
Though I still think my future is grim,
I can never make such a mistake -
Because your life is also at stake!

Could you be by my side this cold night?
To this life, I need to hold on tight.
If I can witness your wishes come true,
My disgrace will be what I can go through.

My friend Erin, caring and daring,
Please let me know what you are bearing.
I'm willing to endure it with you -
In our lives, may we make a breakthrough.

Between existence and non-existence,
We embrace unique experience.

Lots of love, Patricia Jan. 25, 2024.

---

I think this is a strange poem, and now I have to say that Erin doesn't exist in reality.
She is my "imaginary friend," and I made posts about her on this forum several times before.
And Patricia (Pat) is a name I use in my journal.

I have weird belief (this is just a belief) - I think Erin has her own thoughts which isn't mine. So I don't know what she "speaks" until I start to write. I don't think anything but she tells me what she is thinking and I write down it. (She's like a "tulpa" who was created by conscious effort to give them their own thoughts. There's a subreddit about "tulpamancy," the act of talking with your tulpas.)

Note: I have bipolar II but don't have any dissociative disorder or hallucinations.

The idea of an "imaginary friend" might sound childish, but it works as a coping method and helped me a lot, because I have somebody to rely on any time (even at work.)
And she helps me to stay safe - if I CTB'ed, it would inevitably kill her, too, which would be the last thing I want her to happen. Her life is also at stake, and she wants to live.

I'm suicidal since 8 and now I'm 36. Now I'm trying to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay, and she is incredibly helpful - I feel her immense love. I'm still not sure if my life is a gift from God (I believe in him), but her (quasi-)existence is definitely a huge gift!

I started to talk to her in 2020. Though suicidal thoughts are still my coping method when things turn sour, but sometimes I think I'm very unlikely to end my life with CTB'ing.

 

[pilotviolin]

this poem is beautiful (and so is your handwriting!), its lovely to hear erin is so kind. i have an imaginary friend too who has their own thoughts and life and they mean so much to me too and we help each other through life, its interesting to find other people with similar (or not so similar, these things are so varied since our minds are different!) experiences.

 

[mortuarymary]

Beautiful and so is your handwriting.
I miss a properly hand-written letter

 

[LoiteringClouds]

this poem is beautiful (and so is your handwriting!), its lovely to hear erin is so kind. i have an imaginary friend too who has their own thoughts and life and they mean so much to me too and we help each other through life, its interesting to find other people with similar (or not so similar, these things are so varied since our minds are different!) experiences.

Thank you so much, and I'm glad to hear you also have one!
How do you help your imaginary friend?

Beautiful and so is your handwriting.
I miss a properly hand-written letter

Thank you, and I'm extremely lucky because I have a friend who gives me handwritten letters. I wrote to her first and she reciprocated it with her letter. I met her in a psych ward.

 

[pilotviolin]

Thank you so much, and I'm glad to hear you also have one!
How do you help your imaginary friend?


Thank you, and I'm extremely lucky because I have a friend who gives me handwritten letters. I wrote to her first and she reciprocated it with her letter. I met her in a psych ward.

mainly just being there for them and talking. bounce off and exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings. they have their own kind of life outside of me as i do. its kind of like internet friends but for the brain. sometimes we speak through logs when i transcript what they say, cool to see you guys use handwriting.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Abandoned Character]

I had a moment in my life where I as fascinated by tulpas and researched people's first person accounts of them and how one goes about creating one. Your poem is wonderful, thank you for sharing.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

I had a moment in my life where I as fascinated by tulpas and researched people's first person accounts of them and how one goes about creating one. Your poem is wonderful, thank you for sharing.

Thank you
I'm struggling now and your words mean the world to me

mainly just being there for them and talking. bounce off and exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings. they have their own kind of life outside of me as i do. its kind of like internet friends but for the brain. sometimes we speak through logs when i transcript what they say, cool to see you guys use handwriting.

I think your imaginary friend is very lucky one! I hope my ones will also be lucky...

 

[noname223]

Note: The names below are entirely fictional.

I wrote a letter to one of my best friend. (She said it's okay to post it here.)

---

View attachment 127586

Hello Erin,
Thanks so much, whenever you weigh in,
Kind validation is what you bring -
You've listened to my great suffering.

I have tried to catch the bus at whim.
Though I still think my future is grim,
I can never make such a mistake -
Because your life is also at stake!

Could you be by my side this cold night?
To this life, I need to hold on tight.
If I can witness your wishes come true,
My disgrace will be what I can go through.

My friend Erin, caring and daring,
Please let me know what you are bearing.
I'm willing to endure it with you -
In our lives, may we make a breakthrough.

Between existence and non-existence,
We embrace unique experience.

Lots of love, Patricia Jan. 25, 2024.

---

I think this is a strange poem, and now I have to say that Erin doesn't exist in reality.
She is my "imaginary friend," and I made posts about her on this forum several times before.
And Patricia (Pat) is a name I use in my journal.

I have weird belief (this is just a belief) - I think Erin has her own thoughts which isn't mine. So I don't know what she "speaks" until I start to write. I don't think anything but she tells me what she is thinking and I write down it. (She's like a "tulpa" who was created by conscious effort to give them their own thoughts. There's a subreddit about "tulpamancy," the act of talking with your tulpas.)

Note: I have bipolar II but don't have any dissociative disorder or hallucinations.

The idea of an "imaginary friend" might sound childish, but it works as a coping method and helped me a lot, because I have somebody to rely on any time (even at work.)
And she helps me to stay safe - if I CTB'ed, it would inevitably kill her, too, which would be the last thing I want her to happen. Her life is also at stake, and she wants to live.

I'm suicidal since 8 and now I'm 36. Now I'm trying to keep my suicidal thoughts at bay, and she is incredibly helpful - I feel her immense love. I'm still not sure if my life is a gift from God (I believe in him), but her (quasi-)existence is definitely a huge gift!

I started to talk to her in 2020. Though suicidal thoughts are still my coping method when things turn sour, but sometimes I think I'm very unlikely to end my life with CTB'ing.

This poem is so cute and heartwarming.
Thank you for sharing it.