Threads announcing others' ctbs

[GoodPersonEffed]

I would like to request of the mods that posts announcing the ctbs of other members not be allowed, only allowing goodbye threads posted by the members themselves or none at all.

Why?

- The choices to ctb and to participate on this forum are personal and private.

- If someone wants their ctb known to the forum, they have the option of posting. If they want it known only to individual members, they have the option of sending PMs. (However, if they announce it in chat and are okay with the information being publicly shared, such as for documenting SN, then there are multiple witnesses as to whether or not the member approved.)

- Some people bury the announcement of their ctb in an existing thread, such as in Offtopic, rather than create a goodbye thread. That is how they choose to leave the forum and I think their personal choice should be honored the same as their personal choices of how when, and whether or not to ctb.

- Unless the member posting about another's ctb screenshots the approval of the one who ctb'd, there is no way of knowing if they're being outed against their will, and they no longer have the power to defend themselves. Unless mods have prior access to the PM, there is no way of knowing if the screenshot is legitimate or photoshopped.

Most importantly:

- Even if someone does allow another member to publicly post the disclosure, it seems to me that it's more aligned with the pro-choice platform of the forum to announce it for oneself, or not at all. No one can ctb for another, encourage another to ctb, or research or plan their ctb for them; it is their own responsibility, and it is by their own self-determination that all these acts are carried out. Should not how they leave the forum also be their own responsibility and a self-determined act?

- SS posts are public. What happens on the forum does not stay on the forum. If someone is being cyberstalked and their ctb is announced, that makes the information public not only to members, but to non-members.

 

[Diceroller90]

I second this.

 

[Epsilon0]

I think this is a good suggestion.

To speak on behalf of someone who has ctb, unless that person leaves you clear instructions asking you to do so, is poor taste.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think this is a good suggestion.

To speak on behalf of someone who has ctb, unless that person leaves you clear instructions asking you to do so, is poor taste.

Or revealing information that was only shared in PMs and not publicly, including names, personal situations/life details, method, date of ctb, location of ctb, etc. Not just poor taste, but a betrayal of privacy and trust.


Edit:

When I read that kind of stuff, I feel like my boundaries are being crossed as well. Like I'm having something intimate put in front of me that I wasn't made privy to and didn't seek out. It's like having porn flashed at me, or explicit photos from a crime scene, or the animal rights activists who stood outside a major department store during the holiday season with photos of animals slaughtered for fur. It's invasive, like a kind of forced intimacy, the intimate details of another's life enter into the intimate space of my life without my consent or that of the other member, and I can't unsee it or unknow it. I respond to it with feelings of being sickened and angry. To me, it's violation -- of the member who passed, of me, and of the community in which I participate.

Just because the person posting doesn't mean it that way or feel the same way, that doesn't make it all right. Those animal rights activists felt justified for traumatizing children and adults entering the store. And I know some people are okay with the threads because they want to honor the person who ctb'd, or know why happened to a fellow member of this community, but the thread isn't about that person, it's about everyone else's feelings and wants. Just like an irl funeral.

 

[Quarky00]

Mods recently locked 6 threads of the sort, so these are moot points. No need to revisit or rehash this. Just don't. Let's move on.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Mods recently locked 6 threads of the sort, so these are moot points. No need to revisit or rehash this. Just don't. Let's move on.

1. The mods decide whether or not a thread gets posted on the Feedback forum and is a valid topic discussion here, not @Quarky00.

2. There is no official guidance about such threads. Locked threads do not mean the subject is resolved or closed.

3. Some people are troubled by this issue. If you aren't, then there's no need for you to revisit or rehash this. (I'll say in return, but find it really uncomfortable:) So take your own direction and don't. Just don't. Move on. (Why do I find it uncomfortable? I neither like being controlled nor controlling.)

 

[Quarky00]

is a valid topic discussion here

Stop looking for fights here , no one said "not valid" discussion , so cut it out

No one told you not to speak , so get off your high horse . Just gave my input . You're turning every little thing into an argument . Your prerogative, enjoy , I'm not into that , thank you .

 

[braketimez]

Mods recently locked 6 threads of the sort, so these are moot points. No need to revisit or rehash this. Just don't. Let's move on.

I think what OP is saying that there should be an official guideline/rule to prevent the threads from being created in the first place, but I could be wrong.

EDITED because I can't spell for shit.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think what OP is saying that there should be an official guideline/rule to prevent the threads from being created in the first place, but I could be wrong.

EDITED because I can't spell for shit.

Yes, that is what I was saying.

And thanks for the giggle.

 

[Quarky00]

I think what OP is saying that there should be an official guideline/rule to prevent the threads from being created in the first place, but I could be wrong.

EDITED because I can't spell for shit.

Yeah

This was a case by case basis , if issue arises , mods handle it well. That's why I wrote that.

It's quite normal though not common to announce X died . It worked fine . So did goodbye threads. In recent months members turned it into a daily practice ; with extended content ; and while conflating 'goodbye' with 'tribute' and 'notices' (and idle chatter sometimes) . That was the problem . I believe that is resolved .

I think members should discuss this but I don't see that in OP -- which deals with rules. I believe we have a problem with certain new norms, practices and behaviours (rather than rules)