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myopia

myopia

on earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.
Apr 8, 2024
60
Hello! New member here-- I was wondering if someone could help me understand the nuances surrounding proper etiquette for finding sources on SS. FYI, I've already carefully read through the Rules & FAQ, forum guide, and crash course for new members. I've also already used the search feature to read through previous threads about this topic, but the information I've found has been vague or unhelpful.

One of the SS rules that stood out to me was Do not ask to be PM'd. From browsing the forum, this seems to be a rule that people break all the time without consequence. Is this just for show? If not, how are new members supposed to get access to information (like sources) that aren't allowed to be publicly shared on the forum? I've seen members say that if you're just active in the community for long enough a source will come to you, but I'm confused as to how that works if you're not allowed to explicitly ask others to PM you. After all, it's not like one day a source is magically going to appear in my inbox, right?

Obviously, I've tried looking for sources myself, but I've found little luck, even while using forum tips (such as using DuckDuckGo + VPNs, searching on foreign marketplaces, typing in the chemical formula / the name in different languages, etc.). Another issue I've found is I'm unfamiliar with how to use these sites. Is it safe for me to provide my phone number and email to potential sellers? My real name? My address? Is there a way to verify that someone is legit before providing sensitive information, or do you just take the risk? Do I need to pay with cyptocurrency, or is my credit card/Paypal okay? I have many more questions surrounding logistics, and I would love for someone more knowledgeable to walk me through it, but I'm worried that would be violation of this term: Helping someone die, including advising and including specifics, is against the rules of the site. So what's the line between sharing information and advising someone on how to CTB? I assume SS would rather people have the information they need as opposed to engaging in potentially dangerous online activity completely blind. If anyone can provide clarity to any of these questions, it would be much appreciated.

I'd like to note that although I am a new member, I have been considering CTB for over half a decade. This is not a decision I'm making impulsively. I've simply hit a breaking point which has led me to finally stop procrastinating and take actual decisive action (i.e. making this account).

TLDR: I'm desperate to find a source (SN or N) asap so I can CTB. What is the most effective way for me to go about this without breaking any rules or infringing on community protocol? Thank you!
 
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D

DreamEnd

Enlightened
Aug 4, 2022
1,887
Just engage with the forum and post. Someone will eventually help you but given the age of your account the chances of that are very small rn sorry
 
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rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,795
Where does it say don't ask to be pmd? You can ask as many are doing it...will you be pmd, that's another thing.
Regarding suicide resources and information, It it presumed that you are old enough to look through them and decide what to do with that information on your own term.
 
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myopia

myopia

on earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.
Apr 8, 2024
60
Just engage with the forum and post. Someone will eventually help you but given the age of your account the chances of that are very small rn sorry
Like I said in the post, I've seen that advice before, but I'm confused how that works if you can't ask others to PM with sources. Like even if my account 10 years old, it would still be against the rules to ask, right? So how do people find sources?
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,166
Welcome to the forum! Interact with the people in discussions, the chat and so and sources will eventually come to you when people gain trust.
 
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myopia

myopia

on earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.
Apr 8, 2024
60
Where does it say don't ask to be pmd? You can ask as many are doing it...will you be pmd, that's another thing.
Regarding suicide resources and information, It it presumed that you are old enough to look through them and decide what to do with that information on your own term.
It's in the Rules & FAQ, bullet point 8 under the "Don't" section. I don't want to be banned hence why I'm asking for clarification on this.

Is there a resource section for finding sources on here? I haven't found one, and I didn't see any information pertaining to that in the pinned resource guide or any of the SN threads.
 
D

DreamEnd

Enlightened
Aug 4, 2022
1,887
Like I said in the post, I've seen that advice before, but I'm confused how that works if you can't ask others to PM with sources. Like even if my account 10 years old, it would still be against the rules to ask, right? So how do people find sources?
You should be able to pm people after a certain time and making a certain number of posts
 
B

boddibo

waiting for a change
Dec 19, 2023
5,175
The real risk by sharing a source is that it would soon or later be discovered by people that want to prevent others from CTBing, that is why it's usually not really a good idea to ask to be DMed when asking source when your account isn't old. I don't think it's that much of a problem, as long as you do not harass the people, because yeah, not everyone will be giving you their source once you'll be able to PM, some will even find it intrusive.

And for the "do not encourage people" part, yes, obviously we need to share some infos in order to have an educated view about the options that are given to us, but I can get why you might find yourself confused as the line is sometimes thin between giving info and 'helping them to CTB', but don't worry, it's more about the people that are encouraging the others to do it — and they are easy to spot and report. I'd say, don't get too involved and stay factual if you're afraid of crossing the line. Maybe ask a mod (when you'll be able to do so) if you come accross a thread that you'd like to answer but you're unsure if it's appropriate or not, mods are also here for this too.
 
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K

Ksavagedie

New Member
Apr 23, 2024
4
Hello! New member here-- I was wondering if someone could help me understand the nuances surrounding proper etiquette for finding sources on SS. FYI, I've already carefully read through the Rules & FAQ, forum guide, and crash course for new members. I've also already used the search feature to read through previous threads about this topic, but the information I've found has been vague or unhelpful.

One of the SS rules that stood out to me was Do not ask to be PM'd. From browsing the forum, this seems to be a rule that people break all the time without consequence. Is this just for show? If not, how are new members supposed to get access to information (like sources) that aren't allowed to be publicly shared on the forum? I've seen members say that if you're just active in the community for long enough a source will come to you, but I'm confused as to how that works if you're not allowed to explicitly ask others to PM you. After all, it's not like one day a source is magically going to appear in my inbox, right?

Obviously, I've tried looking for sources myself, but I've found little luck, even while using forum tips (such as using DuckDuckGo + VPNs, searching on foreign marketplaces, typing in the chemical formula / the name in different languages, etc.). Another issue I've found is I'm unfamiliar with how to use these sites. Is it safe for me to provide my phone number and email to potential sellers? My real name? My address? Is there a way to verify that someone is legit before providing sensitive information, or do you just take the risk? Do I need to pay with cyptocurrency, or is my credit card/Paypal okay? I have many more questions surrounding logistics, and I would love for someone more knowledgeable to walk me through it, but I'm worried that would be violation of this term: Helping someone die, including advising and including specifics, is against the rules of the site. So what's the line between sharing information and advising someone on how to CTB? I assume SS would rather people have the information they need as opposed to engaging in potentially dangerous online activity completely blind. If anyone can provide clarity to any of these questions, it would be much appreciated.

I'd like to note that although I am a new member, I have been considering CTB for over half a decade. This is not a decision I'm making impulsively. I've simply hit a breaking point which has led me to finally stop procrastinating and take actual decisive action (i.e. making this account).

TLDR: I'm desperate to find a source (SN or N) asap so I can CTB. What is the most effective way for me to go about this without breaking any rules or infringing on community protocol? Thank you!
I'm new and was wondering the same thing. Thanks for posting this question
 
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homesoon.

homesoon.

i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶.̶
Apr 15, 2024
83
In my experience, as this isn't my first time here, I dug into the forums, made it clear what I was looking for, and posted for awhile until I became a "trusted" member. Eventually, someone was kind enough to provide it and it went from there. I definitely wouldn't recommend just going around asking people to dm you because they more than likely won't out of self-protection or trying to ensure the source doesn't become compromised. For example, I've had people ask me or someone dm me, but I'm weary to provide a source when I'm not familiar with them. However, I am open to dm-ing if you have questions on how to go about doing things (e.g., like you do in this post).

In other words, be patient and stay persistent!
 
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O

onlyconsciousness

Member
Apr 29, 2024
38
Thanks for the many encouraging answers, I am also new and in a quite desperate place, therefore impatient, but now I try to get my patience back and calmly go forward in this forum. thanks for the support.
 
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D

DOHARDTHINGS24

Member
Apr 30, 2024
19
Also new, also clueless. I've wanted to CTB for over 30 years, zero attempts because of hurting loved ones. But the time has come, I semi made the decision last year & then one hundred per cent committed to it in February. What I had no idea about was that overdosing would be so hard, that there'd be so much to learn, that I'd be so clueless. It literally didn't occur to me that it would be so hard to CTB, I thought that was the decision part. Naive. I have a fair amount of access to prescription drugs but just what is around me, not whatever I want. I'm pretty confident the family hand me down of kidney disease & heart disease has already kicked in, & I have another disease that weakens the body, so maybe that speeds things up??
My point though, finally, is the same. How do newbies get access? There's such an overload of info here- I'm happy to read everything I have to, I just can't figure out what the "best" sources are so I'm not endlessly scrolling.
I want success. I want help with my method but the rules do seem to say it's too soon for me to ask. I don't know where else to look & I don't want to break rules but I also have a countdown of time available to research & time available to gather resources. And then time to actually plan CTB & actually follow through. This isn't a rash decision - 30 years in the making - but speeding things up would be super awesome.
I will try to read as much as possible tomorrow. I've already noted down some pages to start with tomorrow but any advice on what to read & how to best use this site appreciated. Also, I'll only have access to this site via phone as only device with VPN which will slow things down & I'll only be handwriting my research which will also slow things down, so I'll take any advice on offer…
 
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E

Ephemeron

human trash
Dec 17, 2023
197
Like I said in the post, I've seen that advice before, but I'm confused how that works if you can't ask others to PM with sources. Like even if my account 10 years old, it would still be against the rules to ask, right? So how do people find sources?
It is against the rules, but you need to understand the nuances of how these things work. Talk to people. Engage in the forum. Eventually you will probably find what you seek, but you will NOT find it by asking for it. While people will talk about methods, etc., nobody will assist you to CTB, but if people sense you are genuine (by posting here for some time and not obviously some sort of infiltrator), they will share information with you privately, not in a public thread.
 
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A

Anclaje

Member
May 2, 2024
6
Hola soy nuevo en el foro, llevo más de 10 años queriendo terminar con todo. Hasta ahora, me ha frenado el miedo a no morir y a quedarme con más heridas que las que tengo. El método que me pareció más adecuado es el método del gas inerte. Quiero aprender más, para hacer una despedida definitiva. Atentamente
 
myopia

myopia

on earth, we’re briefly gorgeous.
Apr 8, 2024
60
Bienvenido al foro!

Aquí hay una gran publicación para todos los recursos sobre suicido:

Aquí hay una publicación sobre el método del gas inerte específicamente:
 
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S

suffering_mo_7

Student
May 8, 2024
100
Also new, also clueless. I've wanted to CTB for over 30 years, zero attempts because of hurting loved ones. But the time has come, I semi made the decision last year & then one hundred per cent committed to it in February. What I had no idea about was that overdosing would be so hard, that there'd be so much to learn, that I'd be so clueless. It literally didn't occur to me that it would be so hard to CTB, I thought that was the decision part. Naive. I have a fair amount of access to prescription drugs but just what is around me, not whatever I want. I'm pretty confident the family hand me down of kidney disease & heart disease has already kicked in, & I have another disease that weakens the body, so maybe that speeds things up??
My point though, finally, is the same. How do newbies get access? There's such an overload of info here- I'm happy to read everything I have to, I just can't figure out what the "best" sources are so I'm not endlessly scrolling.
I want success. I want help with my method but the rules do seem to say it's too soon for me to ask. I don't know where else to look & I don't want to break rules but I also have a countdown of time available to research & time available to gather resources. And then time to actually plan CTB & actually follow through. This isn't a rash decision - 30 years in the making - but speeding things up would be super awesome.
I will try to read as much as possible tomorrow. I've already noted down some pages to start with tomorrow but any advice on what to read & how to best use this site appreciated. Also, I'll only have access to this site via phone as only device with VPN which will slow things down & I'll only be handwriting my research which will also slow things down, so I'll take any advice on offer…
Thanks for posting this. It's SO hard..... people act as if suicide is easy but it's NOT, I am learning. Hard not to despair a bit.
 
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N

Naetoh

Member
May 8, 2024
7
It's a shame that new people have to wait to get help with sources. Kinda feels similar to the anti-ctb crowd's stance of "just wait and it'll get better." I've been waiting for over three decades and would've already checked out if I had the mythical peaceful pill. Looks like I'll be waiting some more.
 
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makingaplan

makingaplan

Member
Apr 23, 2024
19
I feel very discouraged.
I got my Domperidone in then checked my other email to see my SN was canceled due to not being a business account.
I don't know how to proceed.
 
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DefinitelyReady

DefinitelyReady

Desperate to go--
Mar 14, 2024
347
Thanks for posting this. It's SO hard..... people act as if suicide is easy but it's NOT, I am learning. Hard not to despair a bit.
Then I feel even more like a loser/failure reading about suicides being so easily done left and right, and their acquiring the resources so easily. You feel sorry they felt the need to ctb yet so jealous it wasn't you instead. Makes me feel like such a dumbass, especially when I'm, on the contrary, usually not seen in that vain. Feel like such a fraud... Imposter syndrome of sorts. Then you go through the guilt of being ungrateful, and yet another vicious self-hatred cycle is born. Depressing you more that you can't carry out what everyday people can. Just that much more inferior. This prison of your own mind is just impossible to survive, yet here I am with a bday looming. Meanwhile whatever "life" or intellect you have left is deteriorating, withering away your ability to do the work you need to do to ctb.

Even if I were the opposite of who I am, and was a naturally positive, life-loving person, I would still realize that not everyone is as lucky as me, and that even some can't be saved in this lifetime, and would allow them to go in peace with whatever dignity they had left.
 
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Jesse2121

Member
May 16, 2022
7
Thanks for the many encouraging answers, I am also new and in a quite desperate place, therefore impatient, but now I try to get my patience back and calmly go forward in this forum. thanks for the support.
Yes that is the best way to go about it .Patience and eventually , you will find something .
 
D

DOHARDTHINGS24

Member
Apr 30, 2024
19
Thanks for posting this. It's SO hard..... people act as if suicide is easy but it's NOT, I am learning. Hard not to despair a bit.
I really haven't got that much further along.
And I'm struggling with the fact that I have timelines in the real world that need to be taken into consideration. I had hoped to CTB in May or June at the latest but I still haven't figured out how to acquire SN in Aus, how the protocols are done beforehand, any of it. It's making me feel like a complete failure at something I thought would be easy. I've wanted to do this for 30 years & I never, ever wanted to have a failed attempt. One shot, done properly.
So I'm really really really struggling with all of this on top of the reasons that I need to CTB in the first place. I feel like if I ask for help it's intrusive & I'm too new, but also I had never planned on having full interactions on here to begin with - I don't know enough to help anyone else because I can't even help myself. And I didn't come here to just casually discuss this like it's social media or for attention or an "are you ok?"
Decision is made, it will not be unmade.
A full stop where a full stop needs to be.
I just need to figure out how to do it right or how to get the right people to help me. It's almost laughable that I've spent my entire life helping others (not to CTB to be clear, just helping anyone & everyone with anything & everything) & never, ever, ever, ever asking for help myself, but the one time I'm actually asking, the one time I truly need help, it's just not happening for me….
It's a shame that new people have to wait to get help with sources. Kinda feels similar to the anti-ctb crowd's stance of "just wait and it'll get better." I've been waiting for over three decades and would've already checked out if I had the mythical peaceful pill. Looks like I'll be waiting some more.
Me too with the 3 decades - I thought the waiting part was done, the decision part was done & the action part would be quick & easy. But it's just not.
 
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S

suffering_mo_7

Student
May 8, 2024
100
I really haven't got that much further along.
And I'm struggling with the fact that I have timelines in the real world that need to be taken into consideration. I had hoped to CTB in May or June at the latest but I still haven't figured out how to acquire SN in Aus, how the protocols are done beforehand, any of it. It's making me feel like a complete failure at something I thought would be easy. I've wanted to do this for 30 years & I never, ever wanted to have a failed attempt. One shot, done properly.
So I'm really really really struggling with all of this on top of the reasons that I need to CTB in the first place. I feel like if I ask for help it's intrusive & I'm too new, but also I had never planned on having full interactions on here to begin with - I don't know enough to help anyone else because I can't even help myself. And I didn't come here to just casually discuss this like it's social media or for attention or an "are you ok?"
Decision is made, it will not be unmade.
A full stop where a full stop needs to be.
I just need to figure out how to do it right or how to get the right people to help me. It's almost laughable that I've spent my entire life helping others (not to CTB to be clear, just helping anyone & everyone with anything & everything) & never, ever, ever, ever asking for help myself, but the one time I'm actually asking, the one time I truly need help, it's just not happening for me….

Me too with the 3 decades - I thought the waiting part was done, the decision part was done & the action part would be quick & easy. But it's just not.

My situation is very dire with my physical and mental health and suffering and what it's doing to my family now.... I'm losing everything, and I mean everything, in life. I wouldn't recommend trying to commit suicide to anyone unless absolutely necessary.... after researching it all, the risks of failure and possibilities of being left off much worse are too high.
 
D

DOHARDTHINGS24

Member
Apr 30, 2024
19
My situation is very dire with my physical and mental health and suffering and what it's doing to my family now.... I'm losing everything, and I mean everything, in life. I wouldn't recommend trying to commit suicide to anyone unless absolutely necessary.... after researching it all, the risks of failure and possibilities of being left off much worse are too high.
If I told you my circumstances, it'd knock your socks off. I've had a good vent on here about my adhd because it's impeding my research on how to CTB but it's not the reason. The tv show with 13 reasons why - if I had just 13, I'd be fucking thrilled. I didn't plan on sharing much about myself on here, I don't really like sympathy & definitely not pity. And I don't want to diminish anyone else's pain or suffering or choices.
But honestly, if I shared the truth of my real world circumstances on here, it is so far past horrific that it's unimaginable - one tragedy right after another, one health issue after another, deaths of all (& I mean all) of my family, debt that's not mine that I've managed to inherit, zero money, I'm about to be homeless if a miracle doesn't come through. That's the tip of the iceberg. I feel a bit uncomfortable about sharing any of that though, so I probably shouldn't post this but also probably will. If I won lotto tomorrow, I'd still wanna CTB ASAP, maybe that's the best way to explain it.
I feel deep compassion for other people's journeys. I'd nearly always rather be in pain than see someone else suffer.
But I've run out of tools in the toolbox for myself, I really don't have any help to offer anyone else. If contributing to these forums hadn't been a requirement, & the rules didn't state you can't just outright ask people for sources, my only interactions would've been asking.
I'm sorry for your experiences. I hope if you need help, you know where to go to get it. Best of luck to everyone that is still on the fence, or can get help or turn things around. I'd never encourage anyone to do this. I'd never let a civilian find me.
But my decision is made & is rock solid.
 
S

suffering_mo_7

Student
May 8, 2024
100
If I told you my circumstances, it'd knock your socks off. I've had a good vent on here about my adhd because it's impeding my research on how to CTB but it's not the reason. The tv show with 13 reasons why - if I had just 13, I'd be fucking thrilled. I didn't plan on sharing much about myself on here, I don't really like sympathy & definitely not pity. And I don't want to diminish anyone else's pain or suffering or choices.
But honestly, if I shared the truth of my real world circumstances on here, it is so far past horrific that it's unimaginable - one tragedy right after another, one health issue after another, deaths of all (& I mean all) of my family, debt that's not mine that I've managed to inherit, zero money, I'm about to be homeless if a miracle doesn't come through. That's the tip of the iceberg. I feel a bit uncomfortable about sharing any of that though, so I probably shouldn't post this but also probably will. If I won lotto tomorrow, I'd still wanna CTB ASAP, maybe that's the best way to explain it.
I feel deep compassion for other people's journeys. I'd nearly always rather be in pain than see someone else suffer.
But I've run out of tools in the toolbox for myself, I really don't have any help to offer anyone else. If contributing to these forums hadn't been a requirement, & the rules didn't state you can't just outright ask people for sources, my only interactions would've been asking.
I'm sorry for your experiences. I hope if you need help, you know where to go to get it. Best of luck to everyone that is still on the fence, or can get help or turn things around. I'd never encourage anyone to do this. I'd never let a civilian find me.
But my decision is made & is rock solid.
I'm sorry for what you are suffering. ...all the money in the world wouldn't keep me here. I think those of us in severe physical and neuro. pain and torture would agree, especially Big Pharma damage..... Gonna be honest though....I got some SN.... haven't tested it yet so don't even know if it's pure, but I don't think that it's a good route, at least for me. The more I research it,the less I think. I opened the package to transfer it to a chemical bottle...had gloves on. Must've gotten a small crystal on my skin on the upper part of the glove. It burned and is now red. Doesn't seem like it would be peaceful and one can cause serious organ damage if you live through it.
 

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