Discussion Those of You Who Bought SN

[hiddenbpd]

I've been wanting to buy SN since finding it on this site because I really want to ctb, but my brain always has me contacting someone rationale in those moments, who tells me not to and that it's a bad idea. For those of you who have bought it already, how has it changed your desire to ctb? I want to buy it in case they start restricting it, but the other person thinks it's dangerous to have, I think I'd have good self control until I was ready. But how about people who understand, would it be a good idea to get it while I can?

 

[resolutory]

Very helpful question, I've been wondering this too. Another thing I'm concerned about is the potential of police knocking at my door if I did end up buying some and having it delivered to me.... I know it's not illegal but I've heard it can be used to make explosives (or maybe it just has a similar name to a thing that can?). Would not be good to have the police around revealing my intentions to everyone in my house.

 

[EndlessDespair]

I've been wanting to buy SN since finding it on this site because I really want to ctb, but my brain always has me contacting someone rationale in those moments, who tells me not to and that it's a bad idea. For those of you who have bought it already, how has it changed your desire to ctb? I want to buy it in case they start restricting it, but the other person thinks it's dangerous to have, I think I'd have good self control until I was ready. But how about people who understand, would it be a good idea to get it while I can?

Before I received my SN, I felt so determined that I would ctb when I got. But when it finally arrived, it felt like a weight got lifted off me. I finally felt like I had a choice, and it gave me the motivation to give life one more try before I let it go.

I would recommend ordering it right away, so you don't have to worry or stress about not having access to it when you truly need it. If you choose to order, it doesn't mean you have to use it right away. An unopened pkg can last for years. Just hide it somewhere safe, then when you're truly tired, and have exhausted all other options, at least you have something to fall back on

 

[BipolarExpress]

I bought my SN about a month ago. Right now, it's helping me get through the day knowing that I can end my life whenever I'm ready, without too much discomfort compared with jumping off a tall building or lying on train tracks. For me, the SN is a kind of insurance, a "get-out-of-life-free card." (Well, I hope so, anyway; I've seen some people on this forum say that they survived SN after being discovered or vomiting up the mixture.)

 

[sufferingextremely]

Buying SN had no effect on my desire to CTB. I wanted to CTB very badly before and I wanted to CTB very badly after. In re it being dangerous, this issue confuses me. It was one of the main reasons that I came to this forum. Various online sites, wikis, and articles reference CTB by SN, and none of them reference it as being highly dangerous. However, when you go to buy it there is a skull and crossbones on the bottle, and there is a chemical hazards sheet online. The sheet makes it sound not too safe. It says wear gloves. It is a skin irritant. It is an oxidizer that will cause affected materials to combust and lower temperatures than would normally be require. If ignited, it can explode.

I bought my SN and never opened the bottle. I intended to CTB with it, but was not able to. I was so severely ill with PTSD that I couldn't concentrate enough to open the bottle, get some powder, and prepare my drink without spilling it. I was determined to not hurt anyone else, and I didnt want SN going down the drain and getting into the water supply. I was also worried about spilling the whole bottle and potentially catching the whole complex on fire. I had days where I could concentrate better or worse and there was a previous time that I failed because I didn't have the willpower to fast.

As long as you keep the bottle unopened and at a normal temperature, my experience is that it is perfectly safe. There is no harm in having a bottle of SN at your place. once you open it, I'd say you have to be more careful. If you dispose of it, don't put it in the normal trash collection containers or the normal dumpster that you use. Take it to a hazardous chemical disposal place.

What I wanted to do is make my drink and have a glass of water to put the spoons in after I was done. I would leave a note that I made sure that nothing went down the drain and that the chemical i used is very dangerous. I'd leave it to the police and whoever else finds me to take it from there to safely dispose of whatever remains of my drink and SN.

In re should you buy it before it gets regulated, that is your choice but I will share with you what I personally think for myself. To me, if someone is questioning whether they want to CTB, that is an indicator that they should not. They should try to resolve the circumstance(s) that cause them distress. Antidepressants are also effective for a lot of people who suffer from depression. If you have a mood disorder like bipolar disorder, there are medications that can make you feel better.

Questioning is an indicator that there is something for you in this life. Human beings are shortsighted and it can work against us. We tend to focus on the present and to be overwhelmed by it. What you have to realize is that the present can be terrible. Things will not go our way or we have a spate of bad luck that puts us in a terrible situation. The thing is, this often only applies to the short term. If you take a broader horizon, you will foresee a pattern of ups and downs that are transitory, and likely an overall upward trend. it is possible and even typical to be in hell and misery in the short term but to be ok and actually have an overall great life in the broader perspective and in the long run.

You can buy some SN if that makes you feel better. It is always nice to have the option. I suspect however that it will end up just creating a chore for you when you decide you need to dispose of it.
I agree with the others here that there is value in having an insurance policy too. Even if you don't want to CTB now, you own your life and should not be deprived of the freedom to do with it as you wish.

 

[nochu]

im planning to do the same and i will ahead of time in case they stop selling it as amazon did. there is no rush and if we change our minds it can be stored for some time .... unfortunately IC limits a year under my age from buying (i am an adult) so im unable to get ahold of it. i know you asked those who've bought it but i hope it's okay if i share my thought in a similar situation as yours i also have bpd lol

so if anyone sees this and has a source for SN that allows 20+ in canada please pm me :(( i do need an option as a chronically ill person and waiting for my next birthday is too long

 

[hiddenbpd]

Very helpful question, I've been wondering this too. Another thing I'm concerned about is the potential of police knocking at my door if I did end up buying some and having it delivered to me.... I know it's not illegal but I've heard it can be used to make explosives (or maybe it just has a similar name to a thing that can?). Would not be good to have the police around revealing my intentions to everyone in my house.

I'd like to think this is the least of police's worries. I think they like us to think they're watching us a lot more in depth than they actually are, fear breeds discipline.

Before I received my SN, I felt so determined that I would ctb when I got. But when it finally arrived, it felt like a weight got lifted off me. I finally felt like I had a choice, and it gave me the motivation to give life one more try before I let it go.

I would recommend ordering it right away, so you don't have to worry or stress about not having access to it when you truly need it. If you choose to order, it doesn't mean you have to use it right away. An unopened pkg can last for years. Just hide it somewhere safe, then when you're truly tired, and have exhausted all other options, at least you have something to fall back on

This is how I'm currently feeling. Plus with the need for the protocol it prevents super impulsive decisions. I truly think it'd bring me comfort to know the option is there. Thank you for sharing and for your recommendation .

im planning to do the same and i will ahead of time in case they stop selling it as amazon did. there is no rush and if we change our minds it can be stored for some time .... unfortunately IC limits a year under my age from buying (i am an adult) so im unable to get ahold of it. i know you asked those who've bought it but i hope it's okay if i share my thought in a similar situation as yours i also have bpd lol

so if anyone sees this and has a source for SN that allows 20+ in canada please pm me :(( i do need an option as a chronically ill person and waiting for my next birthday is too long

No worries, helps me to feel less alone . I hope you find some peace in your journey. BPD sucks.

 

[sufferingextremely]

Very helpful question, I've been wondering this too. Another thing I'm concerned about is the potential of police knocking at my door if I did end up buying some and having it delivered to me.... I know it's not illegal but I've heard it can be used to make explosives (or maybe it just has a similar name to a thing that can?). Would not be good to have the police around revealing my intentions to everyone in my house.

I'd not sure that this is used to make many explosives. I could be wrong. Sodium azide is something that explodes very easily. The police won't come to your door over anything that is legal. They can't do anything to you for buying SN under current laws. If you have an intent to make explosives and they find out, that is possibly a crime.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Questioning is an indicator that there is something for you in this life. Human beings are shortsighted and it can work against us. We tend to focus on the present and to be overwhelmed by it. What you have to realize is that the present can be terrible. Things will not go our way or we have a spate of bad luck that puts us in a terrible situation. The thing is, this often only applies to the short term. If you take a broader horizon, you will foresee a pattern of ups and downs that are transitory, and likely an overall upward trend. it is possible and even typical to be in hell and misery in the short term but to be ok and actually have an overall great life in the broader perspective and in the long run.

You can buy some SN if that makes you feel better. It is always nice to have the option. I suspect however that it will end up just creating a chore for you when you decide you need to dispose of it.
I agree with the others here that there is value in having an insurance policy too. Even if you don't want to CTB now, you own your life and should not be deprived of the freedom to do with it as you wish.

You may be right about this, but I'm not sure why I'm tied to a life that doesn't want me in it. It's like I'm holding on to hope that barely exists solely for other people. Thank you for giving me another perspective while also seeing where I'm coming from, I appreciate how open minded everyone is .

 

[yakabofski]

A question asked by many, although maybe in a different form. I was associated with Exit International for a while and followed up a few people who had managed to obtain some Nembutal. This is a strong liquid anaesthetic which gives a peaceful death when ingested in sufficient quantity. Like 100 ml for adults. Almost all these people did not intend to take the potion, but were comforted to know they now had a method of dying peacefully if their lives became too severe. There were in fact some who died of medical conditions naturally, that is they never used their Nembutal. Just having it there was a great comfort to them, so it may be OK for you to obtain some. I don't have any as it is illegal to buy or possess and is almost impossible to get where I live, but I am going to get some SN even though I see no use for it at the moment. With a serious cancer history in the family who knows what the future holds. I know just having SN will be a comfort for me, but maybe not for others.
Good post by Endless Despair above. Give it some thought.
Good luck.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Having it is reassuring, however, now I have to really have to think about whether I want to ctb because: it's there and it won't fail! It puts things into perspective. I've had it over a year now and have experienced new things and certain priorities have changed but it'll always be there.

 

[ohyouknow]

I have had it sitting in my studio (where I want to use it, if I use it) for probably a couple of years now. It makes little difference, maybe no difference, because I don't have any of the other things you're supposed to get, and I have no idea where/how to get them (assistance desired!). I have read about people buying "suicide kits" on the dark web, and I went there and kind of clicked around once. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like I'm too old to learn new tech. Anyway, usually, when I'm thinking of just getting it over with ahead of time (before my planned time frame), I end up thinking of driving into something because I'm afraid the SN will fail if I don't have the other chemicals. (Obviously, driving into something can fail too. But my car is closer to me than the SN, so I guess if I'm choosing between two things I think might not work, I end up preferring what's closest and easiest.)

 

[👁️👃👁️]

I have had it sitting in my studio (where I want to use it, if I use it) for probably a couple of years now. It makes little difference, maybe no difference, because I don't have any of the other things you're supposed to get, and I have no idea where/how to get them (assistance desired!). I have read about people buying "suicide kits" on the dark web, and I went there and kind of clicked around once. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like I'm too old to learn new tech. Anyway, usually, when I'm thinking of just getting it over with ahead of time (before my planned time frame), I end up thinking of driving into something because I'm afraid the SN will fail if I don't have the other chemicals. (Obviously, driving into something can fail too. But my car is closer to me than the SN, so I guess if I'm choosing between two things I think might not work, I end up preferring what's closest and easiest.)

Personally I feel like one of the most important things is the antiemetics, and before getting doc to write them, I was going to take the SN by itself and prepare extra glasses. Sorry you're going through this and life has brought you to this point. If you make a thread and ask around eventually someone will help.

 

[jessisme]

Before I bought mine I was incredibly anxious about buying it because I didn't know where to find it and I felt that the window of opportunity for me to buy it at all was closing as it's become harder to find. After I received my SN I felt enormous relief that I had finally secured an "out" but also a certain degree of anxiety over the expectation that I must now use it. Having it here really hit home with the reality of what ctb might be like and I fear it more now and generally avoid the SN I purchased. I have not opened it and don't plan to until very close to the time I plan to ctb, which is not anything I have set yet. I would definitely recommend buying now while you are still able to have as an insurance policy should you decide ctb is your desire. It keeps for several years unopened so you don't have to use it right away. It can't hurt to have it and secure the option while it is still an option available to us.

 

[lilin]

Finally felt some peace and comfort. I know I can use it whenever I want, and it won't fail as long as I have backup glasses and I'm not found. I'm definitely more calm since getting it