wildflowers1996
Mage
- Oct 14, 2023
- 540
I don't even think I believe in God, but I feel too ignorant to feel certain of anything.
I just find it difficult to discount how many people claim to have spiritual experiences, the strong need people seem to have for the spiritual, how much faith some people have.
Some things, like nature or music, sometimes make me believe in something spiritual.
The fact we can't completely explain consciousness, or the origin of the universe, sometimes leads me to believe in something spiritual - though I know it's a "God of the gaps" argument.
The fact most of us seem to have a conscience, an innate sense of morality - though admittedly people don't always agree on moral issues.
We seem to have a sense of self (yet can change significantly in some ways) (the soul?) and free will - though these could be illusions - which implies something spiritual
I know there are many alternative explanations for these things. But I see so many people who are so dedicated to their faith/spirituality, and I find it hard not to be influenced. I know because a lot of people believe something, doesn't make it true.
I think I've been very influenced by Christian scaremongering. I know that hell is likely a concept made up to control people. But when people tell you over and over "you need to repent/accept Jesus in your heart/believe in Jesus" to be saved, it's hard not to listen - for me anyway. People seem so SURE they have the Holy Spirit and have been saved.
And there are Christian apologists. People like William Lane Craig, who think believing in Christianity is the most rational worldview based on logical argument/ historical evidence e.g. for the Resurrection. And I feel like I'm not educated enough to recognise the flaws in people like his' arguments, if they are flawed. I am not a historian. I can't weigh up when historical evidence is "good enough" to believe something happened. "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" - maybe, but who decides what is "extraordinary evidence"?
I feel the problem of evil is a major counter to God's existence, but religious people will just tell you that your sense of morality is flawed and God IS good and often make the argument about "free will" being the reason why bad things happen. If you have a problem with God they will say you are the problem. The God you want to believe in isn't the real God, but the real God IS good - it's you who isn't.
Also, couldn't God exist but just not be good?
I wish I could just force myself to be a Christian, because I'm so scared of going to hell. Maybe if I could actually concentrate enough to read the whole Bible, which people believe is the Word of God, then maybe I'd start believing? But it's not that simple, because there are so many denominations of Christianity, with different, sometimes contradictory, rules. Which one is right?
Or maybe Islam turns out to be true - don't a lot of Muslims think you go to hell for not believing/doing certain things? There are some apologists for Islam too I think.
And there are so many other religions - I think they focus less on hell but I'm not sure. It's all too much to read about; I feel so overwhelmed.
I don't think I can read every religious text, research every denomination, the history of every religion to see how it evolved, the "evidence" for each one - on the offchance one might be right. I don't think I even believe in any of it.
But I'm always thinking - what if I'm wrong? What if I ctb and I DO go to hell? Maybe God does hate me? Or thinks I deserve severe punishment? Maybe I'm just never trying hard enough to "find" God? Maybe I am a bad person?
But if God exists, I feel I don't know how to please Him, because there are SO many rules out there and I don't know which ones are the right ones. I feel I can't even tell right from wrong. I don't know what I'm meant to be doing. If God exists, I feel I don't know what He wants me to do, and prayer doesn't seem to help.
I can't even tell myself "God knows what you're thinking and understands" because some religious people will tell you God can't hear you unless you do xyz.
I know I have OCD but it's about such an intangible thing and eternal hell seems like such a horrific thing I don't know how I can't not worry about it. Even though I'm 99% sure it's not real.
If God exists it feels like He doesn't want me because it's not clear to me what I need to do. I don't know how to have faith; if it's a God-given thing God hasn't given it to me. I don't understand why faith is even a virtue.
I want to just give up worrying about this and feel free to ctb. But my mind will just go "maybe the devil is tricking you into ctb and you'll go to hell". What if there are certain sins I'm not forgiven for? What if I'm not saved because I'm not baptised (I know not all Christians believe you need to be baptised but some do)? etc etc.
I hate this so much.
I just find it difficult to discount how many people claim to have spiritual experiences, the strong need people seem to have for the spiritual, how much faith some people have.
Some things, like nature or music, sometimes make me believe in something spiritual.
The fact we can't completely explain consciousness, or the origin of the universe, sometimes leads me to believe in something spiritual - though I know it's a "God of the gaps" argument.
The fact most of us seem to have a conscience, an innate sense of morality - though admittedly people don't always agree on moral issues.
We seem to have a sense of self (yet can change significantly in some ways) (the soul?) and free will - though these could be illusions - which implies something spiritual
I know there are many alternative explanations for these things. But I see so many people who are so dedicated to their faith/spirituality, and I find it hard not to be influenced. I know because a lot of people believe something, doesn't make it true.
I think I've been very influenced by Christian scaremongering. I know that hell is likely a concept made up to control people. But when people tell you over and over "you need to repent/accept Jesus in your heart/believe in Jesus" to be saved, it's hard not to listen - for me anyway. People seem so SURE they have the Holy Spirit and have been saved.
And there are Christian apologists. People like William Lane Craig, who think believing in Christianity is the most rational worldview based on logical argument/ historical evidence e.g. for the Resurrection. And I feel like I'm not educated enough to recognise the flaws in people like his' arguments, if they are flawed. I am not a historian. I can't weigh up when historical evidence is "good enough" to believe something happened. "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" - maybe, but who decides what is "extraordinary evidence"?
I feel the problem of evil is a major counter to God's existence, but religious people will just tell you that your sense of morality is flawed and God IS good and often make the argument about "free will" being the reason why bad things happen. If you have a problem with God they will say you are the problem. The God you want to believe in isn't the real God, but the real God IS good - it's you who isn't.
Also, couldn't God exist but just not be good?
I wish I could just force myself to be a Christian, because I'm so scared of going to hell. Maybe if I could actually concentrate enough to read the whole Bible, which people believe is the Word of God, then maybe I'd start believing? But it's not that simple, because there are so many denominations of Christianity, with different, sometimes contradictory, rules. Which one is right?
Or maybe Islam turns out to be true - don't a lot of Muslims think you go to hell for not believing/doing certain things? There are some apologists for Islam too I think.
And there are so many other religions - I think they focus less on hell but I'm not sure. It's all too much to read about; I feel so overwhelmed.
I don't think I can read every religious text, research every denomination, the history of every religion to see how it evolved, the "evidence" for each one - on the offchance one might be right. I don't think I even believe in any of it.
But I'm always thinking - what if I'm wrong? What if I ctb and I DO go to hell? Maybe God does hate me? Or thinks I deserve severe punishment? Maybe I'm just never trying hard enough to "find" God? Maybe I am a bad person?
But if God exists, I feel I don't know how to please Him, because there are SO many rules out there and I don't know which ones are the right ones. I feel I can't even tell right from wrong. I don't know what I'm meant to be doing. If God exists, I feel I don't know what He wants me to do, and prayer doesn't seem to help.
I can't even tell myself "God knows what you're thinking and understands" because some religious people will tell you God can't hear you unless you do xyz.
I know I have OCD but it's about such an intangible thing and eternal hell seems like such a horrific thing I don't know how I can't not worry about it. Even though I'm 99% sure it's not real.
If God exists it feels like He doesn't want me because it's not clear to me what I need to do. I don't know how to have faith; if it's a God-given thing God hasn't given it to me. I don't understand why faith is even a virtue.
I want to just give up worrying about this and feel free to ctb. But my mind will just go "maybe the devil is tricking you into ctb and you'll go to hell". What if there are certain sins I'm not forgiven for? What if I'm not saved because I'm not baptised (I know not all Christians believe you need to be baptised but some do)? etc etc.
I hate this so much.