the worst thing that happened to you in 2023

[EyeBeyond]

this year was normal, all the same except that I lost the will to do the things I did, I think depression left me too lazy and fatigued, I can't do anything else

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

I let myself foolishly believe that I matter to them only to get hurt far too many times to count. I try to tell myself that I don't need anyone, but oh damn me gods I do. Biggest mistake was believing that I could be someone's 1st choice. Naivety has managed to crush the cynical me once again.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think a friend and tutor of mine died a few months back. I haven't had any response from her in a while. In some ways, I suppose it's one less person to worry about if I do CTB. I think it would have upset her. Still, I still find death sad. She was a good person.

 

[chronicsoup]

Came out to my family about the way I have been feeling in relation to CTB. It felt like I had betrayed them. I understand that I don't have any physical reason to be feeling this way, but it stabbed knives through me hearing them say that they thought I "was happy". Since then my life has been tumultuous as I have been trying to deal with myself since bringing my own problems to life.

 

[LeWantsToDie]

Realized my life is repeating and being powerless to stop it

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

The worst thing that happened to me in 2023 is that I didn't get run over by a bus, or catch some terminal disease.
Oh, well I guess I'll just have to put myself out of my misery myself then won't I.

 

[KSZ]

I was losing my friends slowly... It's like they didn't wanna hang out with me :( My life is so boring...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Realizing that recovery of a good life that is really worth to be lived is not possible anymore after one last recovery attempt completely failed.

 

[junko]

Finally got my own apartment....in an area that hates me. I've had people actively try to run me over, splash me with puddles, and shout slurs at me from their cars. I've had a coworker throw things at me and had our boss tell me I deserved it. I was demoted in the middle of a staff meeting because pictures weren't put up on a wall. I've had my life threatened the first night at a new job.

I deserve it. I wish the people who've tried to hit me actually succeeded in doing more than just grazing me.

 

[UglyInk]

Worst: Police raided my home because I bought SN from IC

Best: I got SN from another source after that

 

[Jenny 1234]

My mum got Alzheimer's and I don't have any other family

 

[Cloud Busting]

Lost my job during a nervous breakdown which made it worse and now I have all this medical debt I'm drowning in because I'm uninsured

 

[SVEN]

Worst thing was what didn't happen, I didn't die and I'm still here.

 

[hellispink]

Nothing that i havent lived or gone through before. Every year is an exact hell , same proportions. Nothing happened. Secluded all year, nothing big would happen neither good neither bad.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Nothing really. My life is the exact same throughout the entire year. It's basically what the person above me said

 

[princejohnny]

I had the best day of my life this year. Every other day will never compare and I am doomed to misery for as long as I am still breathing. I wish I had thought to ctb right after it happened so I could die in the afterglow of that moment. Oh well.

 

[tinyghost]

i developed schizophrenia, bipolar, had a psychotic break and was hospitalized three times against my will. i lost my job unfortunately. my grandmother also died this year. she raised me and i had to return home for her funeral.

 

[Abyssal]

Family went jobless because my father got accused of being a pedo. He most certainly isn't one, but it's not like the investigators cared to do their research. His boss had other controversies to handle regarding some racist policies, and they figured the best way to handle it was to fire him to get his case out of the way. The worst part: his coworkers lied and said he did all these horrible things like be disruptive or choose favorite coworkers (NONE OF WHICH HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL CLAIM OF PEDOPHILIA) and that was the basis for which he was fired.

 

[kilowatt]

Realizations.
Failing to CTB again. I cannot get over it.
Plenty psych ward threats and relationship with mom just getting worse.
Still living with mom at 20.
I made it to 20. I do not have any life plan because I never intended to make it this far. All there's left to do is die.

 

[mywayout]

Realized my life is repeating and being powerless to stop it

literally this!! life has a cruel way of oscillating between only just bearable enough, and unbearable.

also we have a tendency to repeat things anyway. human instinct do be like that.

 

[Ksmиda]

Lost my will to live a few weeks ago again, hopefully it will get better after christmas, but you really can't tell with these things

 

[Kit1]

Had a tough year personally. But the worst - realising that when the world said "never again" after the second World War and sadly never stuck to it. There are millions of fellow human beings suffering from wars, natural disasters, abuse, poverty, familial, institutional and governmental failures to protect (or worse, cause harm) and the destruction of humanity, animal kingdom, Mother Nature. I just find it heartbreaking that we have not learnt and so many innocent people are suffering so much. I still firmly believe that there is more good than evil on this planet for we still exist, but sometimes struggling to hold on to that thought.

 

[Defenestration]

mother Alzheimer

 

[Nx7]

I lost everything dear to me. My whole life went down and then started my suicide thoughts. One of the main reasons this happened is because I decided to stop taking my meds for depression on a whim (I foolish thought everything was just fine). Ergo, a crazy person doesn't know that they are crazy or depressed. It was indeed my case.

 

[Kit1]

I lost everything dear to me. My whole life went down and then started my suicide thoughts. One of the main reasons this happened is because I decided to stop taking my meds for depression on a whim (I foolish thought everything was just fine). Ergo, a crazy person doesn't know that they are crazy or depressed. It was indeed my case.

I am so sorry that you are having suicidal thoughts - you mentioned that it is because you had stopped taking medication. Could you reconnect with your doctor and start taking the medication if that will help? Was there a reason why you had stopped taking medication?

 

[just_a_guy]

Me

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

I developed musical ear syndrome and hallucinate classical music everywhere I fucking go.

 

[colormesuprised]

This year was better! Last year was much much worse, this year I've been focusing on isolating myself from my family since they've been the sole reason why I've been driven to CTB before, I'm doing good!

 

[Nx7]

I am so sorry that you are having suicidal thoughts - you mentioned that it is because you had stopped taking medication. Could you reconnect with your doctor and start taking the medication if that will help? Was there a reason why you had stopped taking medication?

I stopped taking the medication simply because I thought I was "cured from depression". That's how dumb I am. I was living abroad and was already there for more than 5 years. So the culture was ingrained on me.

Little did I know that this act would cost me my whole life and dreams. I am now back to my country but here it's a shithole and the whole reason I went abroad was to escape from this hell. So...everyday is hell for me.

Since then...because I couldn't renew my visa because I was under a lot of depression I then started trying to "off" myself. I did that by doing hanging many times. At least on two occasions I got very close to it. It's a shame I couldn't complete it because SI kicked in even though I was unconscious.

Since I came back I tried hanging a few times as well. Just one time I got close to it. Unfortunately, because of my episodes my family is watching me closely. And they found my goodbye letter because I was stupid enough to let it on full display.

My plan is to get some SN and follow the regimen. I can't live this life much longer. Some would call me ungrateful because I had a comfortable life before this and also a positive upbringing but I feel it's time to go.

I can't watch tv or listen to music anymore because it triggers me a lot. I had a dynamic, independent life abroad and now with the contrast (because here in this shithole country everything is slow and bad) I can't just do it anymore.

I haven't bathed for about 20 days now, barely get sleep and always anxious about the stupid mistakes I did in the past that led me here. I also can't stand seeing my friends/ acquaintances abroad living their lives happy and accomplished.

I do have meds at my disposal but I don't take them regularly. Because to me it feels pointless.

Some people are born with fucked up brains and that's my case. If I didn't have this disease (depression) my life would be just fine. I was on the verge of renewing my visa for a solid one...but because I was over one year without taking meds...I lost it all

 

[Kit1]

I stopped taking the medication simply because I thought I was "cured from depression". That's how dumb I am. I was living abroad and was already there for more than 5 years. So the culture was ingrained on me.

Little did I know that this act would cost me my whole life and dreams. I am now back to my country but here it's a shithole and the whole reason I went abroad was to escape from this hell. So...everyday is hell for me.

Since then...because I couldn't renew my visa because I was under a lot of depression I then started trying to "off" myself. I did that by doing hanging many times. At least on two occasions I got very close to it. It's a shame I couldn't complete it because SI kicked in even though I was unconscious.

Since I came back I tried hanging a few times as well. Just one time I got close to it. Unfortunately, because of my episodes my family is watching me closely. And they found my goodbye letter because I was stupid enough to let it on full display.

My plan is to get some SN and follow the regimen. I can't live this life much longer. Some would call me ungrateful because I had a comfortable life before this and also a positive upbringing but I feel it's time to go.

I can't watch tv or listen to music anymore because it triggers me a lot. I had a dynamic, independent life abroad and now with the contrast (because here in this shithole country everything is slow and bad) I can't just do it anymore.

I haven't bathed for about 20 days now, barely get sleep and always anxious about the stupid mistakes I did in the past that led me here. I also can't stand seeing my friends/ acquaintances abroad living their lives happy and accomplished.

I do have meds at my disposal but I don't take them regularly. Because to me it feels pointless.

Some people are born with fucked up brains and that's my case. If I didn't have this disease (depression) my life would be just fine. I was on the verge of renewing my visa for a solid one...but because I was over one year without taking meds...I lost it all

It feels sadder that the meds were helping, you were abroad and had some positive times and there is a downward spiral with the mental health - I have complex PTSD, autism and a number of other challenges and have some lived experience of trying to live at times and merely surviving during it her times.

You have seen better times and clearly the medication helped you. Are you able to.reach out to psychiatrist who can prescribe and perhaps once your condition begins to stabilise, you can perhaps consider traveling again if that is viable option?

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Happy to chat if you would like to.

Take care.