the world is full of vanity

[un.exist]

If there's anything I've learnt from depression, suicidal thoughts and basically everything in my life falling apart in the worst possible way, then it's this world is nothing but vanity.

Before all this, I too chased the vanities of this world, money, recognition, that 'ceo' title everyone admires, countless success and productivity books, etc.
Then this depression creeped along and stripped everything of it's color and left me staring back at the ugly vanity.

I feel incredibly stupid for my previous mindset, not saying success or productivity is 'wrong', but I used to let it dictate my life. Foolishly chasing rainbows until my identity was fused with my projects. How did I forget that rainbows have no actual 'end'. There's no pot of gold at all.

My life was falling apart around me but I still kept a strong-head thinking I could push through and achieve this one thing. It was my life-line when everything else was collapsing.

Nothing really appeals to me anymore. That previous 'driven and ambitious' person I was is covered in dust

Incredibly unsustainable . I don't know what I was thinking. Then there's just other things going on too that fed into all this like a tsunami growing larger and larger behind me and stupid me didn't look back(not like there was anything I could do) and well, here I am.

 

[badatparties]

I don't know how one can be motivated to work and produce for this planet when it's full of filth and evil, just a complete dumpster fire. Maybe I'm seeing through a distorted lens, but when i look around, that's what i truly see. This goes far beyond just feeling sad, like i look at the structure of it all and just feel disgusted.

 

[HawkTalon]

When people have an accumulation of favorable circumstances, we tend to believe that it's by our actions that favor has come to us, that we willed our fortune. There's almost no limit to it, as it can lead to messianic or even omnipotent ideas about the self. It's when circumstances, decisions, or a combination thereof lead to a stripping of the self that we tend to be able to see its urges for what they are, ultimately fleeting.