The woman who cyber builled me everyone sees her as a hero since she died

[FireFox]

I used to belong to an online depression support community. The admin of the site let's call her A she suffered from severe depression, anxiety and experienced postnatal depression in her 3 pregnancies. I found out she died suddenly last year due to suffering from an illness she also physical health problems. It has been so hard seeing all the regular online tributes saying how she was a "compassionate" and "loving" person who helped so many people in their most hardest times if their lives and the joy she brought peoples lives. She even on her LinkedIn mentioned she is the admin and does volunteering with a homeless charity.

In the online world and in the real world everyone saw A has an amazing, loving and gentle person who helped people but to me she will always be the vile woman who builled me at most vunlerable time in my life along with her legion of members. In fact she is the reason why I do not trust mental health campaigners, advocates etc.

I was a member of the group during the Covid19 pandemic in the group I mentioned on the forum as truthfully as possible that sometimes "i wished I died of covid19" instead of the young doctors and nurses who died because I don't really "deserve" to be alive in this world. The moderator of the site she attacked me and she said my comments are "insulting " and she talked about how she has been shielding during the pandemic due to her physical health problems. Another site member she was the biggest bully lets call her K and she criticised me on the site. K mentioned her cousin who died of covid19 and how she didn't get to say goodbye. She called me " selfish " and said i didn't "understand "what i was talking about. She is in her 40s and also she said " I wish I was young, had a law degree and a caring family " She attacked me on the site the moderator along with all the site members sided with K as she builled me. A and the other site members ended accused of attacking K when I tried to defend myself. The whole community turned against me.

The same month on the site when I wrote a post about how if you kill yourself people seem to care more about you and really appreciate you than if you were alive. I made reference to the suicide of a famous UK celebrity who killed herself who got loads of massive public outpouring of love A responded with hostility and called my comments "offensive". She imposed restrictions on my posts which were every post i wrote had to be all manually approved by her before it got posted. I couldn't post anything anymore even talking to members I couldn't do. She was soo rude and mean when I decided to leave the site. This experience led me back to Sanctioned Suicide.

The admin has suffered from all kinds of hardship in her life and out of all people should know that depression distorts how a person sees themselves and the world around them but instead of being compassionate like she is to everyone else she was judgemental and cruel even defending her followers who builled me at my lowest.

I feel sorry for her young kids she left behind and family but not her.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't think most horrible people are horrible to everyone in their lives. But if you're a saint to everyone in the world and completely awful to one single soul, then you're still a horrible person. You don't get to pick and choose whom to treat nicely if you want to merit the title of "good person."

You're right that there is a distinct tendency to lionize the dead and focus on their positive traits and not their negative ones (which may have been relegated to select people).

 

[CTB Dream]

V sry me undrstd exct wat mean ppl clap clap callous fiend say nice prsn etc , me nobod care injury damage say come come all ppl no care ,this rly awfl rlty ppl make pain sffr no undrstd each rly awfl species, this rly sad all ppl make each trama sffr ,rly sad me know ppl sffr no mtr wat hpn

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Fuck her. Every time someone horrible dies everyone tries to rewrite history and pretend like they were a good person. Kobe Bryant is a good example, literally raped a woman so brutally she bled and he's still considered a hero. Anthony Bourdain too, he was married to a pedophile and helped her escape legal consequences

 

[FireFox]

I don't think most horrible people are horrible to everyone in their lives. But if you're a saint to everyone in the world and completely awful to one single soul, then you're still a horrible person. You don't get to pick and choose whom to treat nicely if you want to merit the title of "good person."

You're right that there is a distinct tendency to lionize the dead and focus on their positive traits and not their negative ones (which may have been relegated to select people).

@LaVieEnRose Exactly You can learn a lot about a person on how a person treats others who are vulnerable or in a difficult situation. The lockdown was one of the worst and lonely periods of my life because I had these intense feelings and couldn't share them with my family or anyone. My family are judgemental, not good listening and also have had Covid19 deaths so me saying I wish of covid19 will never go down well.

Lockdown period was a difficult period for many people and at my most vulnerable that woman and her users judged and builled me. These woman know better than how depression is crippling and clouds how a person see themselves but still they CHOSE to rip me apart, judge and make me feel bad when already I was feeling at an all time low.

Anyone who participates in the bullying and online pile on of someone so vulnerable is a not a good person.

That day she attacked me and defended her users who attacked me at my lowest point in my life I felt like I saw the real ugliness that exists within that woman.

No matter how much people praise her as a "campassionate" and "loving" woman all i see is a monster.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry to hear that, the post and comments you made didn't deserve hate of bullying at all, they were both reasonable posts. Which forum was this by the way could you PM me? just curious if its the same forum i am thinking about

 

[Meteora]

Dear Lord..... I experienced the exact same in a German forum. Told you already. In the end, the whole community was against me. This dynamic, when several people turn against one, I personally call it the Hitler-dynamic. That s how WW2 broke out.
I cant understand that ppl dont understand.

 

[FireFox]

Fuck her. Every time someone horrible dies everyone tries to rewrite history and pretend like they were a good person. Kobe Bryant is a good example, literally raped a woman so brutally she bled and he's still considered a hero. Anthony Bourdain too, he was married to a pedophile and helped her escape legal consequences

@takeyourshotfunboy I know we shouldn't speak ill of the dead but that does not mean we should forget all the pain they caused to others and toxic behaviours they enabled during the lifetime they were alive.

That person is now dead but the pain they caused the living still lives on and leaves a permanent scar. Its important we discuss this freely whenever someone dies. Sanctification of arseholes whether they are famous or non famous is morally wrong.

That admin woman and her online users she is one of the reasons why I ended up going back to Sanctioned Suicide and felt trying to achieve recovery from suicidal thoughts and depression is not possible.

That year when that women and her mob of followers did the online cyber bullying I ended up purging and abusing laxatives by the end of the year because I wanted to turn off all the pain of being hopeless in lockdown and having no control to stop.

I really wanted to live and try a life with recovery but that woman and her mob of followers made me feel so lonely because I didn't know how to achieve recovery and happiness.

Everyone sees this woman as an "Compassionate" and "loving" woman who helped many but to me she will always be person whose actions contributed to me getting an eating disorder during lockdown and plunged me further into deeper depression.

Dear Lord..... I experienced the exact same in a German forum. Told you already. In the end, the whole community was against me. This dynamic, when several people turn against one, I personally call it the Hitler-dynamic. That s how WW2 broke out.
I cant understand that ppl dont understand.

It can happen here, too. Theres always people who project their own pain on others.
I try to be myself here but I m always a bit scared I might get attacked by mods. It s a very shitty feeling and mods have the power to block you whereas you cant do a shit against them, not even ignore them......

Some people are not reflected. Some people are insanely jealous and dont realise it. Thats how wars start.

I understand your pain. My "father" harrassed me sexually and I m so grateful the psychologist at the time recommended not to go to the funeral, where everybody will be talking about how great of a human being he was.
My "mother"and brothers broke contact with me for not attending the funeral. They did not even care when i told them (my brothers), why I didn t attend it.....

@Meteora Rot in hell to your pevert weirdo father. A mother is supposed to put her kid first and siblings are supposed to siblings you deserved so much better.

Sanctification of arseholes is just wrong because it ignores the suffering these people put others through who still have to live with the pain.
I had a close relative who died a couple of years ago and she was the worst human being ever who brought suffering to my grandmothers life ,mums life and so many other people. When she died everyone her mother made her out to be a Saint to the entire family and other relatives saw her a poor troubled woman. The woman was pure fucking evil.

She was terrible abusive deadbeat mother who had 1 kid taken away into foster care and her other kids her ex husband got custody. She slept with married men and sent revenge porn to their wives and one of the men she slept with she sent revenge porn to his workplace. She even slept with her friends daughters boyfriend.Before she died she was bullying her lesbian stepdaughter for being lesbian the man she was marrying tolerance

She caused so much pain to everyone in the family throughout her entire life and then her mother has the audacity to paint her as Saint and be cruel towards family members who didn't send her condolences or failed to attend the funeral.

I am sorry to hear that, the post and comments you made didn't deserve hate of bullying at all, they were both reasonable posts. Which forum was this by the way could you PM me? just curious if its the same forum i am thinking about

@iloverachel I have pmed you. It is a very small online community and I guarantee you know you have most likely never heard of it

The membership of that community is currently 1,584 members majority who are from the UK and a small number of other countries

I am sorry to hear that, the post and comments you made didn't deserve hate of bullying at all, they were both reasonable posts. Which forum was this by the way could you PM me? just curious if its the same forum i am thinking about

@iloverachel I have pmed you. It is a very small online community and I guarantee you know you have most likely never heard of it

The membership of that community is currently 1,584 members majority who are from the UK and a small number of other countries

 

[Meteora]

@Meteora Rot in hell to your pevert weirdo father. A mother is supposed to put her kid first and siblings are supposed to siblings you deserved so much better.

Sanctification of arseholes is just wrong because it ignores the suffering these people put others through who still have to live with the pain.

Thank you.... it is wrong on so many levels. But the ones to "lose" are the people who try to be good and truthful.

I had a close relative who died a couple of years ago and she was the worst human being ever who brought suffering to my grandmothers life ,mums life and so many other people. When she died everyone her mother made her out to be a Saint to the entire family and other relatives saw her a poor troubled woman. The woman was pure fucking evil.

I don t know why humans do that. Pure egoism, maybe. It suits them best.

 

[FireFox]

Thank you.... it is wrong on so many levels. But the ones to "lose" are the people who try to be good and truthful.

I don t know why humans do that. Pure egoism, maybe. It suits them best.

@Meteora We think we know people but the truth is we don't. When a tragedy happens that is when we know who are the people who really care for us and who does not. Tragedy brings out a persons true colours,

The fact your family were more mad at you for not attending your pervert werido father's funeral than him abusing you throughout the years just shows your family are very bad people and don't care about what is best for you.

I have plenty of stories in my family of all the times my grandmother and mother helped their relatives in their times of need but whenever my mum and grandmother needed help these NONE of these relatives came to help in their time of need and didn't care.

This is the biggest reason why I hate my relatives.

 

[thenamingofcats]

My take on this having been in similar situations...

She sounds like a communal narc who uses volunteering to carefully craft her image. They do what you described and will single someone out they disagree with or don't like and then seek to destroy them, using the power of the group. They often use "just world theory" against the person to make it look like they're the enemy and have had a hard life because they're simply getting what they deserve/had coming. It makes people think she's the "hero" for "revealing the villain among us" and creates a common enemy. People are sheep so they really go for it.

Just-world fallacy - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It sounds like @Meteora 's family is doing this too, and my family did it to me. The "logic" goes like this...

The bad thing happened to the person/was done to the person because they deserve it. I'm not kidding that it really is that simple and people fall for it all the time.

I even admit to falling for it where I tell myself bad things were done to me because I deserve it. It's so much easier to think bad things were done to me because I deserve it (at least then there's justice in the world), then to think those things were done because the person is a sociopath/pedo/whatever their problem is. It's much easier to think there's evil in me then the people around me. At least if it's in me I might have a chance to control it and I don't have the burden of knowing how many truly evil people are in the world.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Quite a support group. I too have sometimes been left in the shadow of others and been jealous of their popularity.

 

[rozeske]

A depression support group shouldn't really be that shocked by someone declaring they wished to be dead. Such hostility from a supposedly support group makes them all seem like anti-choice tbh.

 

[FireFox]

A depression support group shouldn't really be that shocked by someone declaring they wished to be dead. Such hostility from a supposedly support group makes them all seem like anti-choice tbh.

@rozeske The hostility is what hurt me the most because I thought I would be safe with a group with depression sufferers.

I felt so violated when they ganged up agaisnt me because I opened up in a way I have not so done with others. Their actions pushed me into further isolation and depression.

It's because of those people they ended up losing faith in people who claim to care about mental health and I see individuals who care about mental health with great skepticism.

My take on this having been in similar situations...

She sounds like a communal narc who uses volunteering to carefully craft her image. They do what you described and will single someone out they disagree with or don't like and then seek to destroy them, using the power of the group. They often use "just world theory" against the person to make it look like they're the enemy and have had a hard life because they're simply getting what they deserve/had coming. It makes people think she's the "hero" for "revealing the villain among us" and creates a common enemy. People are sheep so they really go for it.

Just-world fallacy - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It sounds like @Meteora 's family is doing this too, and my family did it to me. The "logic" goes like this...

The bad thing happened to the person/was done to the person because they deserve it. I'm not kidding that it really is that simple and people fall for it all the time.

I even admit to falling for it where I tell myself bad things were done to me because I deserve it. It's so much easier to think bad things were done to me because I deserve it (at least then there's justice in the world), then to think those things were done because the person is a sociopath/pedo/whatever their problem is. It's much easier to think there's evil in me then the people around me. At least if it's in me I might have a chance to control it and I don't have the burden of knowing how many truly evil people are in the world.

@thenamingofcats Interesting points you make. I never thought of her as a narcisst but instead a deeply insecure woman with no self respect. She is open about her marriage. Its clearly not a happy one.

The admin had postnatal depression in all 3 pregnancies. When she had her 3rd baby her husband demanded she have abortion. When she refused she stil stayed with the husband and went through the entire pregnancy alone as the husband refused to support her. He probably didn't love that child a man who doesn't want a child and can't grow to love a child, too many woman think they can make a man love a child.

Any man that bullies a woman into having an abortion is a horrible man. It is a woman who should decide to have the abortion because she will be carrying the baby for 9 months.

The fact she stayed married to this man just shows she has no self respect.

Quite a support group. I too have sometimes been left in the shadow of others and been jealous of their popularity.

@Mirrory Me Generally speaking when it comes to online communities even online support spaces every community has its own cliques and if a person has views not popular or doesn't fit in with the clique then unfortunately they will be disliked and met with hostility by the online community.

The more I have used online communities the more I have noticed the cliquey behaviour from the groups, protecting the bullying members and moderator worship.