Threat of suicide for partner to stay. Need advice

[hopeifindmyself]

I need advice. My friend's gf freaks out if any girl talks to him, and threatens to kill herself. He is scared if he leaves she would die. She cuts herself and shows him, not sure photos or videos or extent of damage she is causing or many times or even live call cutting . He said it was scary and heartbreaking. This is very serious abuse in my opinion. My friend is often scared, depressed, suicidal and a month ago attempted because of this. His mental health his down the drain. He gave signals with songs like, "will you stay? Help me" "I am trapped" "can't talk" then called with alt account. His messages are monitored be it on Twitter or discord. This person has blown hot & cold over him many times that it has stressed him out. He is confused that her friends say she is an amazing person (the best friend friend is also psycho imo & as I her threading my friend to slice him into pieces if he even looks or talks to another woman while others maybe clueless) He is also worried if he leaves her how will her friends others would see or the fall out to reputation as well. To be fair think this is some kind of personality disorder. She gets mad at my friend for him taking care of his mom who suffered from cancer issue spending time with her, gets mad when he spend time to other male friend. I feel like she has isolated him classically cutting from support network. This is long distance btw. My friend has complained that she doesn't let me sleep & while crying he told she makes him wake up in the middle of night to call her. He is barely getting 4 hours of sleep. He told he is not allowed to talk to anyone but that male friend on one of one conversation.

 

[discernment]

I agree that this is definitely an abusive dynamic. My best advice is to just continue being there for him as much as possible and to remind him that what he is experiencing is not normal or acceptable in a healthy relationship, and you will support him in ending the relationship if/when he is ready. Don't forget to look after yourself too

 

[Twistedliesinside]

I feel like there's no situation to justify allowing another to control another to this extent. I had a girlfriend who I helped through self-harm, but I wouldn't have supported her under coercion or manipulation. You never know what somebody is capable of, but you're articulating signs that it is motivated by control.

To summarise though, this is straight up abuse. Your friend must call her bluff. My instinct tells me she is not such a risk to suicide, but your friend certainly is.

Oh, and to give you advice, I agree with discernment. Just remain a constant stable support. Encourage looking after himself. Your friend has to learn to love themselves as cliche as that sounds, but show them love while they can't too. It's rough to be a support in your situation, stay strong and caring like you are!

 

[hopeifindmyself]

I feel like there's no situation to justify allowing another to control another to this extent. I had a girlfriend who I helped through self-harm, but I wouldn't have supported her under coercion or manipulation. You never know what somebody is capable of, but you're articulating signs that it is motivated by control.

To summarise though, this is straight up abuse. Your friend must call her bluff. My instinct tells me she is not such a risk to suicide, but your friend certainly is.

Oh, and to give you advice, I agree with discernment. Just remain a constant stable support. Encourage looking after himself. Your friend has to learn to love themselves as cliche as that sounds, but show them love while they can't too. It's rough to be a support in your situation, stay strong and caring like you are!

My friend doesn't respond to me following her threat. How can I support him? More so, he told me, if I call her out. He would never forgive me, "she would kill herself. She cut herself and showed me, it was scary and heartbreaking, she is capable of harming herself" he seems traumatised and fully under her control. You spoke my mind. I do fear my friend is at suicide risk

I agree that this is definitely an abusive dynamic. My best advice is to just continue being there for him as much as possible and to remind him that what he is experiencing is not normal or acceptable in a healthy relationship, and you will support him in ending the relationship if/when he is ready. Don't forget to look after yourself too

Tried. He doesn't wanna talk, yet he doesn't block me. He makes me keep writing. I'm tired of silent treatment. His mood depends on if she is treating him badly with cold behaviour then he reaches out, the moment she is warm, he is gets a rush as if starved of a drug withdrawal addiction, he does anything she says.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

So, you're still doing absolutely the right thing. Don't try to fix your friend's problem, but just remain available to provide space for him to talk about it, as you may be the only one listening.

If he talks to you, you're already doing everything you need to do. You might want to go above and beyond that, but it likely won't work. He just needs you to be there for him when needed.

I hope if you keep up consistency, he'll have trust that you keep it to yourself and he'll come to you whenever things get harder for him. You already seem to help regulate him, so keep up the good work.

Don't forget to take good care of yourself and try not to worry too much. That way you can remain constant for your friend and not burn out yourself. Nothing dramatic is required from you to intervene, just stay consistent.

 

[hopeifindmyself]

So, you're still doing absolutely the right thing. Don't try to fix your friend's problem, but just remain available to provide space for him to talk about it, as you may be the only one listening.

If he talks to you, you're already doing everything you need to do. You might want to go above and beyond that, but it likely won't work. He just needs you to be there for him when needed.

I hope if you keep up consistency, he'll have trust that you keep it to yourself and he'll come to you whenever things get harder for him. You already seem to help regulate him, so keep up the good work.

Don't forget to take good care of yourself and try not to worry too much. That way you can remain constant for your friend and not burn out yourself. Nothing dramatic is required from you to intervene, just stay consistent.

My friends had been giving me silent treatment for months and often reached out in need. He himself has mistreated me badly and never resolved conflicts. It's surprising he even shared after telling me he doesn't feel safe to talk to me. Out of all friends he told me, but I guessing it's when Lenore was cold to him. The moment she warmed up, he started ignoring me. How long can I go on? He wouldn't respond. It made me already upset that he treated me badly because of a girl he met a month and a half ago while I have been his friend who has supported him through thick & thin for years

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Then I really feel the right thing to do is to put yourself first. You're under no obligation to help, or even continue being friends with anybody like this.

I don't like the position you're in, because I feel you're being used and he's just being manipulated. There's so much wrong in this world as it is, just because this happens to be closer to you, doesn't mean it requires your attention.

I believe just from personal experience that there are two reasons a friend might tell someone something like this. The first reason is because the friend is the most trustworthy and respected, the second is because they feel they can say anything because they don't care how it affects you. I think it's possibly the second one based on what you've said and that makes me upset because it's clearly weighing on you.

I want you to try being a good person to yourself first, because if it's only possible to be good to others, you might not have anything left to care for your own emotional needs.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I need advice. My friend's gf freaks out if any girl talks to him, and threatens to kill herself. He is scared if he leaves she would die. She cuts herself and shows him, not sure photos or videos or extent of damage she is causing or many times or even live call cutting . He said it was scary and heartbreaking. This is very serious abuse in my opinion. My friend is often scared, depressed, suicidal and a month ago attempted because of this. His mental health his down the drain. He gave signals with songs like, "will you stay? Help me" "I am trapped" "can't talk" then called with alt account. His messages are monitored be it on Twitter or discord. This person has blown hot & cold over him many times that it has stressed him out. He is confused that her friends say she is an amazing person (the best friend friend is also psycho imo & as I her threading my friend to slice him into pieces if he even looks or talks to another woman while others maybe clueless) He is also worried if he leaves her how will her friends others would see or the fall out to reputation as well. To be fair think this is some kind of personality disorder. She gets mad at my friend for him taking care of his mom who suffered from cancer issue spending time with her, gets mad when he spend time to other male friend. I feel like she has isolated him classically cutting from support network. This is long distance btw. My friend has complained that she doesn't let me sleep & while crying he told she makes him wake up in the middle of night to call her. He is barely getting 4 hours of sleep. He told he is not allowed to talk to anyone but that male friend on one of one conversation.

I was in the exact same situation and I think that relationships such as this one never end well, the dynamic is just too toxic. I was also threatened with suicide and showed the aftermath of self harm and told it was bcs of my actions and idk, it's rlly fucking awful, but I got numb to it over time, which is even worse. Imo this is the worst kind of emotional manipulation, it makes you worry constantly and keeps you on edge all time. In my case, all my social media accounts, etc were also monitored, she freaked out, when I didn't want to give her my passwords. Well anyways, I still loved her, but I understand that relationships shouldn't be like that. I think it's great, that you are supportive of your friend, wish you and him all the best

 

[hopeifindmyself]

Then I really feel the right thing to do is to put yourself first. You're under no obligation to help, or even continue being friends with anybody like this.

I don't like the position you're in, because I feel you're being used and he's just being manipulated. There's so much wrong in this world as it is, just because this happens to be closer to you, doesn't mean it requires your attention.

I believe just from personal experience that there are two reasons a friend might tell someone something like this. The first reason is because the friend is the most trustworthy and respected, the second is because they feel they can say anything because they don't care how it affects you. I think it's possibly the second one based on what you've said and that makes me upset because it's clearly weighing on you.

I want you to try being a good person to yourself first, because if it's only possible to be good to others, you might not have anything left to care for your own emotional needs.

It really gave me some comfort, I'm teary, thank you so much you're very clear sighted with a kind heart

 

[Twistedliesinside]

I'm truly glad I could offer you some comfort. You deserve that. You're taking on a lot personally and reaching out for help over a situation that isn't your life means you're very compassionate to a fault and I would like to offer some support.