The ultimate irony

[StreetSweeper]

People cant help you if you dont want to help yourself right? thats a fair enough statement sure.

However, when it comes to wanting to kill yourself and truly giving up, thats like a shit-out-of-luck spot to be in? The most vital time of your suffering is when people decide to throw their hands up and give up.

Now, what can we really expect people to do, i get that. I cant expect superman to sense im tying a noose and come flying through the door with the answers to all my problems. Im not trying to complain about the fact people dont put effort into me unless i match it. I just think its ironic that help is only there for you if decide you want it.

the last therapist let it slip once. I barely made it to the session, but i really needed it so i fought my way to it, only to have my therapist downplay my state because i showed up. "If you were really that bad, you wouldnt of even showed up, you know?"

thats what made me go wtf. So the best way i can communicate the severity of my mental state to my therapist...is not showing up at all? Then i realized thats kind of how most people look at suicidical thoughts. "If you were really that bad you wouldnt be reaching out to me right now" (because you would be dead).

Only reason i used therapy is because im so fucking loney i treated it like hanging out with a friend who listens to you. Havent had any friends since i became homeless like 5 years ago. I have an apartment now but not for much longer.

The only social interactions i get are with strangers online, and even thats losing its appeal to me. Luckly i found this site but fuck i havent like, talked about my feelings in so long. I dont even know if my train of thoughts are sane anymore. I used to be a big people person but ive been alone for so long that my social skills have suffered greatly and i cant even tell if im the guy with stupid takes on everything because i never bounce anything off anybody. Like even this post ive read over 5 times and im still not sure if i sound like a dumbass. whatever. last time i called a help line basically just to vent, they sent police, and got me on the line with the health services. they were like "i see you missed your last appointment, would you like to set up another?" and i quickly went "no" and they went silent. after a long pause they said "so...what kind of help were you hoping to get?" and i went "i dont know i feel better now thanks" hung up and the cops let me go back inside. Like i turned down booking with another therapist and it felt like everyone went "welp, guess this one is hopeless, lets keep it moving" and then my name gets taken off their lists. which again, fair enough, but its ironic and kind of humorous to me in a way. Ive managed to talk my way out of ever getting committed to a ward, but looking back, that was to my detrement. I should of just been honest instead of telling everyone what they want to hear to get out of the situation at that moment.

im not going to be here for much longer. Not sure if ill get a funeral but i know not a lot of people will be there, likely only some family. My old friends probably wont even hear about it until months later.

what are you having for dinner tonight?

 

[Zegers]

what are you having for dinner tonight?

Burger, but i haven't even eaten it, i don't feel like it.

The only social interactions i get are with strangers online, and even thats losing its appeal to me

Same.

 

[StreetSweeper]

Burger, but i haven't even eaten it, i don't feel like it.

Same.

burgers are the best. everything is a burger when you think about, just with different ingredients, cooking methods, construction, and taste...but its all burgers man. why not eat the burger? not hungry? or is the answer much deeper than that?

 

[Zegers]

The meat on this one is not good, the meat and the bun is important in a burger.

 

[StreetSweeper]

The meat on this one is not good, the meat and the bun is important in a burger.

some would argue the most important

 

[theboy]

Sometimes we just want to be listened to without receiving advice, criticism or help.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

I think that's a shitty thing for a therapist to say tbh. Most people just don't even think about their words or actions or how other might see, interpret or feel about them. I think to be a decent person you almost have to have lived through trauma or abuse sometimes...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry life has brought you here. I think- as a society, we have become very impersonal. EVERYTHING feels like it's about paperwork with tick boxes. When they've done the bare minimum- enough to not be reproached if anything goes horribly wrong, they move on to the next person. I guess there are just too many of us now for places to be able to offer that personal approach. I imagine a lot of the people working in these industries just feel overwhelmed. You would hope that they would still have their compassion for others though.

Mental health is also so difficult to assess. I would say I have social anxiety. Funnily enough, we once did a project on this at uni. I must have said that I sympathised with the problem to which the tutor said- 'but you're here'. I mean, I guess he's right- had it been crippling, I suppose I couldn't have gotten that far. I agree that there are varying severities of mental health. Even within ourselves, I suspect we all have some days we feel more able to cope than others. I do wonder though- how much of it is because we do or don't force ourselves to do things we find uncomfortable. I know some cases are utterly debhilitating but I think there certainly is a 'band' of depression where you can choose whether or not to do things you probably hate but probably also know will help you. I guess to the outsider- these are our 'symptoms' so- if you are struggling on through, many people just do assume you are ok- or- ok enough not to worry about.

I agree- for anything in this world, it seems like you have to shout and ask for it. It's sad because a lot of the people who probably need help the most are already too downtrodden to do that.

I hope you are able to reach out for help- if you feel it might assist you. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[akirat9]

The meat on this one is not good, the meat and the bun is important in a burger.

The death and the SN is important

 

[actual_fox]

Sometimes we just want to be listened to without receiving advice, criticism or help.

Truuuueee Omg, so true indeed.

 

[akirat9]

Sometimes we just want to be listened to without receiving advice, criticism or help.

not get either

 

[makethepainstop]

People cant help you if you dont want to help yourself right? thats a fair enough statement sure.

However, when it comes to wanting to kill yourself and truly giving up, thats like a shit-out-of-luck spot to be in? The most vital time of your suffering is when people decide to throw their hands up and give up.

Now, what can we really expect people to do, i get that. I cant expect superman to sense im tying a noose and come flying through the door with the answers to all my problems. Im not trying to complain about the fact people dont put effort into me unless i match it. I just think its ironic that help is only there for you if decide you want it.

the last therapist let it slip once. I barely made it to the session, but i really needed it so i fought my way to it, only to have my therapist downplay my state because i showed up. "If you were really that bad, you wouldnt of even showed up, you know?"

thats what made me go wtf. So the best way i can communicate the severity of my mental state to my therapist...is not showing up at all? Then i realized thats kind of how most people look at suicidical thoughts. "If you were really that bad you wouldnt be reaching out to me right now" (because you would be dead).

Only reason i used therapy is because im so fucking loney i treated it like hanging out with a friend who listens to you. Havent had any friends since i became homeless like 5 years ago. I have an apartment now but not for much longer.

The only social interactions i get are with strangers online, and even thats losing its appeal to me. Luckly i found this site but fuck i havent like, talked about my feelings in so long. I dont even know if my train of thoughts are sane anymore. I used to be a big people person but ive been alone for so long that my social skills have suffered greatly and i cant even tell if im the guy with stupid takes on everything because i never bounce anything off anybody. Like even this post ive read over 5 times and im still not sure if i sound like a dumbass. whatever. last time i called a help line basically just to vent, they sent police, and got me on the line with the health services. they were like "i see you missed your last appointment, would you like to set up another?" and i quickly went "no" and they went silent. after a long pause they said "so...what kind of help were you hoping to get?" and i went "i dont know i feel better now thanks" hung up and the cops let me go back inside. Like i turned down booking with another therapist and it felt like everyone went "welp, guess this one is hopeless, lets keep it moving" and then my name gets taken off their lists. which again, fair enough, but its ironic and kind of humorous to me in a way. Ive managed to talk my way out of ever getting committed to a ward, but looking back, that was to my detrement. I should of just been honest instead of telling everyone what they want to hear to get out of the situation at that moment.

im not going to be here for much longer. Not sure if ill get a funeral but i know not a lot of people will be there, likely only some family. My old friends probably wont even hear about it until months later.

what are you having for dinner tonight?

I'm sorry you're having homelessness issues. I can't imagine how hard that has to be.
Yet our civilization gives no way for someone to recover from that. I hope you can find a way to peace. Love to you.

 

[akirat9]

I'm so sorry life has brought you here.

what does even mean ?? death is wonderful. ステキ・ダ・ネ

I'm so sorry life has brought you here. I think- as a society, we have become very impersonal. EVERYTHING feels like it's about paperwork with tick boxes. When they've done the bare minimum- enough to not be reproached if anything goes horribly wrong, they move on to the next person. I guess there are just too many of us now for places to be able to offer that personal approach. I imagine a lot of the people working in these industries just feel overwhelmed. You would hope that they would still have their compassion for others though.

Mental health is also so difficult to assess. I would say I have social anxiety. Funnily enough, we once did a project on this at uni. I must have said that I sympathised with the problem to which the tutor said- 'but you're here'. I mean, I guess he's right- had it been crippling, I suppose I couldn't have gotten that far. I agree that there are varying severities of mental health. Even within ourselves, I suspect we all have some days we feel more able to cope than others. I do wonder though- how much of it is because we do or don't force ourselves to do things we find uncomfortable. I know some cases are utterly debhilitating but I think there certainly is a 'band' of depression where you can choose whether or not to do things you probably hate but probably also know will help you. I guess to the outsider- these are our 'symptoms' so- if you are struggling on through, many people just do assume you are ok- or- ok enough not to worry about.

I agree- for anything in this world, it seems like you have to shout and ask for it. It's sad because a lot of the people who probably need help the most are already too downtrodden to do that.

I hope you are able to reach out for help- if you feel it might assist you. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

when i am disabled but and tried and b no
disability is harder tosses i guess here if i could go back to japan i would i am not welcomed here an unsought guest in this country

I sympathised with the problem

all everyone else can do.

I'm sorry you're having homelessness issues. I can't imagine how hard that has to be.
Yet our civilization gives no way for someone to recover from that. I hope you can find a way to peace. Love to you.

suicide is better than empty words and promises such as this

 

[Forever Sleep]

Forever Sleep said:
I'm so sorry life has brought you here.

'what does even mean ?? death is wonderful.'

It means- I'm sorry their life has been so awful that they have found themselves in the position that the only relief they feel will work is to end it. I don't pitty the dead- I pitty the living. Especially those who are living who don't want to be.

I agree- the concept of death is wonderful. The process of it- probably not so much- especially suicide because it's frightening and risky- otherwise I suspect the majority of us wouldn't be here.

 

[Rounded Agony]

People cant help you if you dont want to help yourself right? thats a fair enough statement sure.

However, when it comes to wanting to kill yourself and truly giving up, thats like a shit-out-of-luck spot to be in? The most vital time of your suffering is when people decide to throw their hands up and give up.

Now, what can we really expect people to do, i get that. I cant expect superman to sense im tying a noose and come flying through the door with the answers to all my problems. Im not trying to complain about the fact people dont put effort into me unless i match it. I just think its ironic that help is only there for you if decide you want it.

the last therapist let it slip once. I barely made it to the session, but i really needed it so i fought my way to it, only to have my therapist downplay my state because i showed up. "If you were really that bad, you wouldnt of even showed up, you know?"

thats what made me go wtf. So the best way i can communicate the severity of my mental state to my therapist...is not showing up at all? Then i realized thats kind of how most people look at suicidical thoughts. "If you were really that bad you wouldnt be reaching out to me right now" (because you would be dead).

Only reason i used therapy is because im so fucking loney i treated it like hanging out with a friend who listens to you. Havent had any friends since i became homeless like 5 years ago. I have an apartment now but not for much longer.

The only social interactions i get are with strangers online, and even thats losing its appeal to me. Luckly i found this site but fuck i havent like, talked about my feelings in so long. I dont even know if my train of thoughts are sane anymore. I used to be a big people person but ive been alone for so long that my social skills have suffered greatly and i cant even tell if im the guy with stupid takes on everything because i never bounce anything off anybody. Like even this post ive read over 5 times and im still not sure if i sound like a dumbass. whatever. last time i called a help line basically just to vent, they sent police, and got me on the line with the health services. they were like "i see you missed your last appointment, would you like to set up another?" and i quickly went "no" and they went silent. after a long pause they said "so...what kind of help were you hoping to get?" and i went "i dont know i feel better now thanks" hung up and the cops let me go back inside. Like i turned down booking with another therapist and it felt like everyone went "welp, guess this one is hopeless, lets keep it moving" and then my name gets taken off their lists. which again, fair enough, but its ironic and kind of humorous to me in a way. Ive managed to talk my way out of ever getting committed to a ward, but looking back, that was to my detrement. I should of just been honest instead of telling everyone what they want to hear to get out of the situation at that moment.

im not going to be here for much longer. Not sure if ill get a funeral but i know not a lot of people will be there, likely only some family. My old friends probably wont even hear about it until months later.

what are you having for dinner tonight?

I'm not sure you're still around given your last profile post, but this really resonated with me.

I'm noticing this kind of behaviour more and more from people, the older I get and the more I suffer. People seem keen to "lend a hand" when you ask for it, which I feel translates to normal problems or favours that are commonly known to be tough to accomplish alone. But at least in north America, it's hit this point where people seem to do this shit on rapid impulse without contemplating that there might be something seriously wrong, and have no clue how alienating it feels to continue to be given trite offers of help when in reality, the same people either can or will do nothing if they were actually asked to make good on their offers.

Worse still, sometimes we can't ask. As you say, in the hardest times, we sometimes don't initiate or flat out reject things that may, even briefly, do us some good. And people are never. fucking. proactive about helping. It's just this aggravating social performative thing to "be a nice person", but how many actually deliberately go out of their way to make a positive difference? It's been half a year since I let on to several people I considered close friends that I was beginning to struggle seriously, and since then it's been a few halfhearted attempts at business-as-usual text-based interactions, but mostly straight up neglect. Thanks, your past invitations to open up and be honest really make me feel extra great about all that...

I am struggling to eat these days. I have leftover rice in the fridge, had planned to make some lentils, maybe yogourt...god, having to eat is a pain. Sure wish it were optional.