Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
nope. it went away... i need it back... i mean sure impulsivel ysuicidal is bad... but this is worse.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I am completely out of kilter. I need to get up and brush my teeth and wash my face.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I understand. I've had pretty much all the eating disorders there are for nearly 20 years now. For a while I was bulimic, though I had exercise bulimia, not the kind where you make yourself throw up. I'm no good at making myself throw up. Not that I didn't give it a valiant try. Then I moved on to anorexia and I did that for a few years. Then my thyroid gave out and no matter how much exercise or starving I did, I still ended up either not losing weight or gaining. That's when I went in the entirely other direction and started binging. At this point, I'm mostly as stable as I get when it comes to eating. Some days I only eat because I have meds that I have to take at night that have to be taken with food, otherwise they bother my stomach. Sometimes I do go without taking those meds, just so I won't have to eat. Other times, I lean more toward binging. At this point, it's all so screwed up I can't even keep it straight anymore. I figure I'm going to end up being cremated so how much I weigh really isn't going to matter all that much. It's all going to turn into ash at some point. I'm sure, if it's possible though, I am going to be thrilled when my fat starts burning away from my body. Does that sound morbid?
I used to have dreams about taking a knife and just cutting all the fat off of my body.
I guess that's part of the problem with doctors. They give you meds to take and then your situation can change on a dime, and then they aren't available to tell you how to deal with your new situation as far as your meds are concerned. Particularly when dealing with people that have mental illnesses, they need to figure out a better way to do it. Actually, they need to figure out a better way to do it for everybody.
When my husband was ill, he had a pleural effusion which meant he had a hard time breathing and they had to drain this liquid off of his lungs basically. I remember once it was Labor Day weekend and they tried to drain it and for some reason they couldn't do it, so they let it go all weekend and he didn't get it drained until the Tuesday after Labor Day. That meant he had to go all weekend struggling to breathe because there was no doctor available who was authorized use his drain properly. They just don't even seem to care about the states that they're leaving people in. I realize that doctors need to take a break to, but they really need to figure out a way to have someone else there that can help when they aren't available.
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Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Are you bipolar too? Has everyone here been diagnosed with bipolar, except for me?
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Bipolar as a kid. Major Depression as adult. Something is wrong and I may be going back to Bipolar
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Yeah I am. My old psychiatrist diagnosed me with it and I didn't believe him for years til I had a manic episode
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
It's really not clear to me what bipolar is exactly. I've taken tests for it and I've been told that I don't meet all the criteria for the manic part of it. I do have phases where I can't sleep, and all I can do is pace around the house talking to myself, and I have racing thoughts. Apparently that's not the same as being manic though. I never gain any extra energy from these periods or any extra confidence. My body just won't let me stop and rest during this period, so I'm forced to pace around the room and repeat the thoughts going through my head because I can't do anything else. When I try to stop and lay down, I just can't do it. I have no clue what that is. I know I have PTSD. I'm certainly clinically depressed, or whatever the latest term for it is now.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I'll have to look that up because I don't know what that is. I've never heard that term before.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
All About Hypomania Symptoms and Treatment
Episodes of hypomania are periods of energetic, happy, or irritable mood linked with bipolar II disorder. Learn how to manage these mood episodes.
psychcentral.com
Not diagnosed with bipolar, but it runs in my family and my mother says I am, and I'm already on mood stabilizers so they may as well add that to my list of disorders
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
Mine's actually testing and seeing what could exist... but his nurse slipped. lol. so I use their terms, and really his. granted when originally asked I was wrong and gave wrong info, then later realized what I said was wrong.. so we'll find out... meanwhile though this is highly annoying. because I can't be so exhausted and not caring I can sleep whenever or just by shutting my eyes, but can't be going out doing highly risky impulsive things either..
I might come hang out here with you guys I'm just really taking the news of the death of my ex hard. Once I can get my thoughts together I'll write about him here...like a short bio about our relationship... because it's a pretty special story. I think my time is coming...I can feel it. I'm really getting ready.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Darn cat! Now it's got me wanting fish sticks and fries! I may have to go with that instead of the soup and sandwich.
Thanks @Squiddy. I'll have to read up on this.All About Hypomania Symptoms and Treatment
Episodes of hypomania are periods of energetic, happy, or irritable mood linked with bipolar II disorder. Learn how to manage these mood episodes.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
It doesn't have to. I don't have a single relative with a mental disorder. Some of use are simply "struck by ligthning". (It's a little bit more complicated than that, but I think I save that for another thread.)
Sounds exactly like me. Been this way since I was 11 and I'm 32 now. I had finally reached an ok place with my eating habits and body then they found my liver tumors and all they would talk about is how I need to lose a little more weight before they can operate on me. Cue major trigger and now I'm spiraling out.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
Hypomania can take different forms. What you're describing sounds very much like hypomania. For some it can be a bit negative, for others, like yours trylu, it's out and out positive. In fact, I wouldn't mind having hypomania every day for the rest of my life.
I was here recently. Obviously, I didn't make much of an impression on you. :P
Do you mean that you miss mania? Let's be honest. If you are going to live a normal life, this is the deal:
1) You won't have mania again, and you won't experience that wild joy and strong self-confidence again.
2) You won't have depressions again, and you don't have to feel depressed and suicidal like you do now.
In short, you have to sacrifice extreme happiness to get rid of extreme pain. Unfortunately, you don't really have a choice. If you don't take your medicines you will sooner or later get manic again, and then it will be difficult for you to keep a job and you may be locked up in a ward. The latter is very common during manic episodes.
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Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I'm so sorry to hear that. They probably had no clue they were triggering you either. I found that most doctors don't seem to know the first thing about eating disorders. When I weighed 80 pounds, I had doctors and nurses telling me how great it was that I had such low blood pressure. I was passing out all over the place, but that didn't matter. It was great that I had such low blood pressure.
I don't know if you're a reader or not, but have you ever heard of the book "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher? It's one of the best books about eating disorders that I've ever read in my life. And she tells it like it is, not the way they usually tell it where it's sugarcoated at the end and the sick girl gets healthy and lives happily ever after.
Of course, it's also very triggering. I used to read it for that purpose.
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I need a medication change. My doc won't be in until Monday. I am way out of wack and my emotions are all over the place.
I was Bipolar as a kid. Switched to Major Depression as a adult and I think I am going back to Bipolar.
Pulmonologist told me basically to increase my medical marijuana until Monday.
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
Do you take one or two medicines? Often, but not always, you get two medicines, one against mania and one against depression.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I've read some of her other books, and actually own Wasted, but haven't read it. I have a whole bookshelf of books waiting to read, I just can't make myself sit still long enough. The only doctor who respected my eating issues is my gp, she's great. The others are like "if you really had an eating disorder you wouldn't be overweight! Have you consider weight loss surgery?" Ummm ok.
