Whatever it is, I don't like it very much. It usually forces me to pace the floor for hours on end sometimes and I can't get anything else done. Some nights it keeps me up all night and I can't sleep, other days I waste the entire day pacing around the floor and not getting anything else done. Sometimes I can force myself to stop long enough to wash my face or something like that, but the thoughts won't usually leave my head until I say them out loud and for some reason I have to be pacing the floor when I do it, otherwise it doesn't count.
I was in a group for depressed people once where a lot of the people were bipolar. They were all describing their manic phases and how much they looked forward to it so they could get things done, since most of them were so unable to function during the depressed phase that they would let everything go. Some of them would talk about how they had feelings of confidence or happiness when they were in their manic phase, and others would talk about boundless amounts of energy that they used to get stuff done. None of that is what happens to me. I don't have boundless energy, or happiness or confidence during these phases. It's just like there's an invisible motor in my body that's forcing me to pace the floor endlessly repeating the thoughts in my head until they allow me to stop. When it's over, I'm usually exhausted beyond belief and in a bad mood.
I wish I had the kind where it gave you extra energy or at least made you euphoric.
