v0id
my brain has claimed its glory over me
- Jul 12, 2023
- 14
i want to die. i want to kill myself. that's given, and that's why i am here. but i don't think i deserve a peaceful death.
i should get murdered.
i don't know when but i have had this desire to get beaten up so badly for a while now. i am insanely frustrated by myself and i thought i'd feel good when someone finally fucked me up. i think i deserve it; to get violated, to be hurt beyond repair, and to be killed. it's a strange desire, knowing i hate feeling physical pain in any way. but it is what i deserve.
a happy death, or even a peaceful one is not suitable for someone like me. i should die in the most grotesque way possible. i deserve it. it's the only affirmation i need that i am, indeed, a loathsome and horrendous person.
my hatred for myself is this much. i can't even see myself as a real person now. my perception of myself is fucking warped, and the adjectives i use to describe myself seems to be stolen from other people who suit them well and are comfortable with their own skin. i don't think i could ever be comfortable in my own. i can't even imagine what it's like to exist liking your self. i don't even know if it's possible, but i think i was born with hatred for myself. i'd rip myself apart if i could.
it's such a shame that i could not die. i could not kill myself. and no one tries to. i wish they would. i don't want to carry the guilt of taking a life. i wish someone would, for me.
i should get murdered.
i don't know when but i have had this desire to get beaten up so badly for a while now. i am insanely frustrated by myself and i thought i'd feel good when someone finally fucked me up. i think i deserve it; to get violated, to be hurt beyond repair, and to be killed. it's a strange desire, knowing i hate feeling physical pain in any way. but it is what i deserve.
a happy death, or even a peaceful one is not suitable for someone like me. i should die in the most grotesque way possible. i deserve it. it's the only affirmation i need that i am, indeed, a loathsome and horrendous person.
my hatred for myself is this much. i can't even see myself as a real person now. my perception of myself is fucking warped, and the adjectives i use to describe myself seems to be stolen from other people who suit them well and are comfortable with their own skin. i don't think i could ever be comfortable in my own. i can't even imagine what it's like to exist liking your self. i don't even know if it's possible, but i think i was born with hatred for myself. i'd rip myself apart if i could.
it's such a shame that i could not die. i could not kill myself. and no one tries to. i wish they would. i don't want to carry the guilt of taking a life. i wish someone would, for me.
