Luchs
kristallene Bergluft Ć¼ber verfallener Gruft
- Aug 20, 2019
- 535
A week ago I met with a bunch of friends and we got absolutely sloshed. I don't remember anything from that night, but today I talked with someone about the night and I fucked up so bad.
Apparently when we were in the pool I pulled on the string of one of the girl's bikini tops and later slapped her on the ass while walking past her.
I think it was meant playfully, I don't desire her in any way, but she didn't take to it so well. It made her feel really shitty and uncomfortable.
She told me about it today, I was shocked at myself because I'm usually a pretty much totally non sexual person and very touch averse with 99% of people. We talked it through, I apologized and she forgave me.
That's all nice and well, but there are two issues. Firstly I just feel like an absolutely disgusting pig. I don't think the intentions were sexual, but there's no way to know. I feel so disappointed in and disgusted with myself. Like a dirty pig, some pwrverted animal, I pretty much lied to her saying that it'd never happen again, because how could I guarantee that?
Just the disconnect between my actions and who I think I am is horrible.
Secondly she talked about it with some of her friends and you know how the game of telephone goes around the globe basically. I deserve everything that comes my way in terms of social consequences, but that doesn't make me feel any less scared about it.
Sorry for bothering you with this pity party, if you decided to read this, I just feel like I needed to vent somewhere.
In conclusion, I wish I was castrated and I wanna die.
P.S. On a second read this just sounds like the innane ramblings of an abuser trying to paint himself as a victim too, to a bunch of strangers online. Even just this paragraph reinforces that notion I get from myself. Idk what to do.
Apparently when we were in the pool I pulled on the string of one of the girl's bikini tops and later slapped her on the ass while walking past her.
I think it was meant playfully, I don't desire her in any way, but she didn't take to it so well. It made her feel really shitty and uncomfortable.
She told me about it today, I was shocked at myself because I'm usually a pretty much totally non sexual person and very touch averse with 99% of people. We talked it through, I apologized and she forgave me.
That's all nice and well, but there are two issues. Firstly I just feel like an absolutely disgusting pig. I don't think the intentions were sexual, but there's no way to know. I feel so disappointed in and disgusted with myself. Like a dirty pig, some pwrverted animal, I pretty much lied to her saying that it'd never happen again, because how could I guarantee that?
Just the disconnect between my actions and who I think I am is horrible.
Secondly she talked about it with some of her friends and you know how the game of telephone goes around the globe basically. I deserve everything that comes my way in terms of social consequences, but that doesn't make me feel any less scared about it.
Sorry for bothering you with this pity party, if you decided to read this, I just feel like I needed to vent somewhere.
In conclusion, I wish I was castrated and I wanna die.
P.S. On a second read this just sounds like the innane ramblings of an abuser trying to paint himself as a victim too, to a bunch of strangers online. Even just this paragraph reinforces that notion I get from myself. Idk what to do.
