The bus is on its way !

[Lara Francis]

I have been a member on here for some time and talked to some great people who have been very kind,supportive and genuine putting their problems aside for a while to help others.
I have a great feeling that death is close and excitment fills the air.
Whilst suicide is not acceptable to outsiders it feels like a normal state of mind for me and no great deal.
It would be nice to slip into the next life whilst listening to a favourite song just closing your eyes as if it was a routine approach to a good nights sleep.

I really do see why depresson is a silent killer and before i became one of its victims - i did not realize the gravity of its despair and hopelessness.
The ability for it to take hold and drag you to a place of no return.
When i first became unwell,i thought i could be helped and recovery was possible but i realise this was an illusion.
When u give up on yourself then there is certainly no one else that can even create a ripple of hope in your or i should say my life.
Ive been through all the motions of psychiatrists,home treatment teams,meds decieving myself into thinking they would work.
Now i am pushing people away and planning a infinate death with a forever goodbye attatched.
Thanks for reading x

 

[Lady black]

I wish you good luck! And rest in peace! May your death be comfortable and peaceful

 

[Redt2go]

I completely relate to everything you wrote except I never tried meds

 

[brighter]

Your welcome and if there's anything waiting for you on the other side I hope it puts your heart back together x

 

[JustAboutDone]

I know that we cannot live for others and that we must find purpose for ourselves to live life but will your little boy be ok? Your have only just got him back after fighting a court battle for him and having him living with you for a few weeks has that helped at all?

 

[Jenna]

I've always been a huge fan of yours. You are in so much pain and I know you wear your heart on your sleeve. I know you have tried everything. You are hurting so bad yet you still support everyone here.

I wish so bad I had the right words.

I'm sending you a huge hug from the states.

 

[JohnUK]

Sorry for your problems and pains. Hope you have a good journey to the other side xx

 

[Macc Lad]

The bus definately ain't on it's way in my area.......the service is terrible !!

 

[goxua]

With love, be in peace soon x

 

[Coral7]

You know? I do love that warm beautiful sunset you have as an avatar, since the beggining it drowns me in it... so much calm, deep peace, Love !!! Each one of those feelings, plus Joy, I sincerely wish You experience on the other side... and if you allow/want those in your Beautiful SoulBeing, I have no doubt you will Live it @Lara Francis !!! ...and this time easily, with no need of anybody or anything but your whole-Essential will Power.

 

[ForestLove]

I'm so sorry to see that you are hurting so much. Wishing you a gentle and peaceful journey ahead.

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi.
I cry a silent tear as death draws near.
I sit alone on my cloud that is floating high,i am becoming totally unreachable and will die.
My mind is full of tangled thoughts and lost hope.my heart is so broken and painful emotions are soul destroying.
This game of tug of war is not enjoyable.
Being pulled between life and death trying to live this exsistence between is impossible.
I feel no professional can help as i have gone beyond.
I stagger through life bearly putting one foot in front of the other and have no idea where i am or want to go.
I have this unrealistic fantansy about jumping whilst looking into the sunset and falling.
I will fly and be free until i splat onto the floor but at least i will be free from the inner turmoil that haunts me everyday.
This depresson stole my life and wish i could have been the parent that died as my husband would have coped so much better.i am pathetic and so weak now.
I ignored a home visit from social services this am which will send alarm bells ringing.
I was self harming which was giving me a temp high.
I started the regime of starvation and metoclopramide last week but was talked out of taking the sn.
I feel on the verge of sectioning again so if i go off for a while,i may be hospitalised and was banned from using the internet last time as they caught me on other suicide forum or i may just be dead!.
Much love to u all my friends xx

 

[SeekingSolace]

Much love to you.

 

[Lara Francis]

Much love to you.

Thanku x

 

[JustAboutDone]

Oh Lara
I'm so sorry that you are back to this dark desperate place again. Lots of people here have been very worried about you and really hoping you can make it through this.

You are the better parent, the stronger parent and the one best soul in the world and you will get there but for now you are exhausted with all you have been through. You need a rest and a break.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Is there someone who can care for your darling boy if you can go into hospital for a short while? I think you need some time to be treated and rest. With nothing to do but sleep and eat so you can heal. You must be so drained xx

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I ignored a home visit from social services this am which will send alarm bells ringing.
... was banned from using the internet last time as they caught me on other suicide forum or i may just be dead!.
Much love to u all my friends xx

Really sorry for your pain and exhaustion. Hope you can find a way to realize your wants for yourself.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I really do see why depresson is a silent killer and before i became one of its victims - i did not realize the gravity of its despair and hopelessness.

Listening to and reading others talk about depression and suicide, I feel our culture and others make depression a silent killer because people don't want to be bothered with others' "drama." That was the word everyone used when I was in school to talk about what others were going through. "Drama." Like people are pretending to hurt. As if, like a play, others' lives were mere marginalizable fictions. We often tell people who're "mentally ill" to go (away) and get help. Then we often don't want to have anything to do with them moving forward. But how do many of us conceive of the result of so much family/friends/societal alienation and ineffective professional intervention? Ironically by affixing the word "silent" to something impersonally characterized as "killer." Nope. There was no warning. It just ... happened. Oh well.

Wishing you peace. Sorry to have butt in...

 

[Lara Francis]

Oh Lara
I'm so sorry that you are back to this dark desperate place again. Lots of people here have been very worried about you and really hoping you can make it through this.

You are the better parent, the stronger parent and the one best soul in the world and you will get there but for now you are exhausted with all you have been through. You need a rest and a break.

I feel this place is the only place people really understand and this is comforting.
I love your words justaboutdone,jenna amongst many.you are always so kind and wise.
I told a family member some stuff tonight and hope she does not inform anyone else but feel she may as she said that she was very worried.
I cant do the psych ward thing again.
It was like being in prison.
She made me promise that if i was to go ,that i would ring her so she could collect my boy so he does not find me.
Day or night - she was going to drive 80 miles.
I really hope i feel different in the morning.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Oh sweetheart, you are doing so well to have got this far, are you trying to remember to care for yourself? Have you had a nice bath this evening or shower

 

[Lara Francis]

Oh sweetheart, you are doing so well to have got this far, are you trying to remember to care for yourself? Have you had a nice bath this evening or shower

No.not today x

 

[JustAboutDone]

No.not today x

Do you think you could try and wash your face and hands in scented shower gel if you can't manage a full bath?

 

[JustAboutDone]

Also if you can make yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate and have a biscuit with it or some hot buttered toast. What's your favourite thing for toast?

 

[leaps]

Good luck @Lara Francis

 

[Lara Francis]

Also if you can make yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate and have a biscuit with it or some hot buttered toast. What's your favourite thing for toast?

Sounds like a good idea.still trying to get little man to sleep.! Its only 11.30pm here (oops)

 

[Lara Francis]

Good luck @Lara Francis

Thanku xx

 

[JustAboutDone]

Sounds like a good idea.still trying to get little man to sleep.! Its only 11.30pm here (oops)

He's a night owl!! :-)

After he's asleep have some spoil you time where you eat some nice food, hug a mug of tea and Jenna and lots of lovely people from over the wet pond are here through the night for you and I will be sure to turn my computer on in the morning so you won't be alone xx

 

[Lara Francis]

He's a night owl!! :-)

After he's asleep have some spoil you time where you eat some nice food, hug a mug of tea and Jenna and lots of lovely people from over the wet pond are here through the night for you and I will be sure to turn my computer on in the morning so you won't be alone xx

U are very sweet ❤ x

 

[JustAboutDone]

Night night from me and a big hug and some more people will step in and keep you company xxx :-)

 

[Lara Francis]

Falling asleep.
Goodnight all x