The biggest reason (besides health) why I want to die is that I have to live in a society

[martinso67]

I have tendencies of a Schizoid (personality type that lives on his own/in his own mind, extreme hermit).
But still regardless of that fact. I can't live anymore in a society or any group of people/humans. As a human you are damned to have to depend on other humans. Be it food, clothes, protection, etc. I have already high blood pressure (and stress, fatigue) trying to cope with that fact (needing other people) which comes with being a human.

It's annoying having to depend on other people for the basic of my needs. Like I have to go to a dentist. I have some teeth problems. Still I have to interact with the dentist and trust him. I looked up everything about him. But still I have to interact and depend on him.

When I succeeded somewhat trying to be myself when I am alone. I found that I have many good qualities like ambition, resilience and creativity. But that stuff is hidden and nullified by the stress I have by having to be in a society and other environmental factors of a society that affect me.

 

[lachrymost]

Yes, I've been feeling this more and more. I just want to be in one place forever and be left alone and never have to interact with anyone unless I want to (which, outside of my mom and my partner, would be rarely). If that were somehow possible, things would be a lot more bearable.

 

[Lulzacruel]

As a schizotypal brother to the schizoid's, I feel this post mentally and physically.

I just wish we could be ourselfs, though I am not too concerned about relying on other people per se but rather just conforming.

 

[martinso67]

Thank you for your replies. Yes, that's correct.

I am not happy at all with my life. But I am content and somewhat happy about the fact that I tried to live as much as possible on my terms. I have to wear a mask and conform to my family, friends and surroundings. But I tried as much as possible (with my social anxiety) to live on my terms and fulfill a large chunk of my goals and dreams.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I am fairly introverted possibly autistic.... Trust me I know how it is to have to interact with a society that doesn't treat people well. You are not alone. Hopefully you can grace us with your presence more though :)