S
SilverBM
New Member
- Apr 29, 2026
- 3
I would occasionally be practicing choking myself using various things like sheet, belts, shoe laces and etc and I was so frustrated that I couldn't make myself pass out but only got the painful head exploding feeling. Today I tried something different and it worked in 80%? I used cable from old pc speakers and door latch as anchor point. I was standing with cable tied around my neck and leaning forward. Most of the times I was only feeling little uncomfortable on my face and tinglings in my legs but after few more attempts I somehow managed to reach the "seizure" phase or whatever it was. I was leaned forward and after couple of seconds I started feeling so light and like I'm no longer aware of what's going on and suddenly my body started thrashing around. It was so hard to find a balance but I wasn't scared, just confused. When I finally managed to stand straight I felt at peace and relaxed and it didn't hurt. I can't stop thinking of repeating that but I also don't want to end up with a brain damage or whatever. I really want to tell my psychiatrist about it but I know she would put me in hospital because I've been there three times and they know me. I'm in a state where I don't want to live but I also don't want to die but if something fatal were to happen to me I wouldn't mind