Venting I wish hanging felt like strangulation

[everythingturnsgrey]

I have tried to partial hang myself 4 times, i stopped myself each time (thrice recently because SI and once because my mom caught me, a long time ago back in high school). Each time it has felt very painful like my head is gonna explode, ive tried moving the rope around to different parts of my neck but it just feels like its too thin or something. Even if i can feel myself go lightheaded the pain scares me and i kinda get shocked into stopping in a panic. My now-ex (sigh, hurts to say that) has previously consensually strangled me to the point of full unconsciousness (wasnt on purpose the first time, but i liked it so we did it a couple more times after at different points) and it didnt hurt at all, after a very brief struggle that honestly didnt feel all too bad at all like it wasnt too uncomfortable i was fully unconscious. Lights out. It was so peaceful. If he had kept going a while longer i could've died and not felt it one bit. I wish i could die with the last thing i see being looking into his beautiful eyes and being in his embrace with his hands around my neck, I'd feel safe and comforted. Why do i have to do everything around here UGH i gotta do all the dirty work myself now smh men dont do shit anymore jkjk

 

[ctb_warrior]

I have tried to partial hang myself 4 times, i stopped myself each time (thrice recently because SI and once because my mom caught me, a long time ago back in high school). Each time it has felt very painful like my head is gonna explode, ive tried moving the rope around to different parts of my neck but it just feels like its too thin or something. Even if i can feel myself go lightheaded the pain scares me and i kinda get shocked into stopping in a panic. My now-ex (sigh, hurts to say that) has previously consensually strangled me to the point of full unconsciousness (wasnt on purpose the first time, but i liked it so we did it a couple more times after at different points) and it didnt hurt at all, after a very brief struggle that honestly didnt feel all too bad at all like it wasnt too uncomfortable i was fully unconscious. Lights out. It was so peaceful. If he had kept going a while longer i could've died and not felt it one bit. I wish i could die with the last thing i see being looking into his beautiful eyes and being in his embrace with his hands around my neck, I'd feel safe and comforted. Why do i have to do everything around here UGH i gotta do all the dirty work myself now smh men dont do shit anymore jkjk

I tried partial as well, didn't work at all.
If that thing worked for you, i think it's really good.. it can help you ctb painlessly

 

[matsuzaka]

i gotta do all the dirty work myself now smh men dont do shit anymore jkjk

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it wasnt too uncomfortable i was fully unconscious. Lights out. It was so peaceful.

ive strangled myself and have been strangled in the past and i agree its so peaceful. it just feels like the lights in your eyes slowly fading away and being hugged by warmth, its so euphoric almost. my attempts at hanging myself also have ended up with my head feeling like its going to explode

it sucks because if i could replicate the feeling of strangulation 100% of the time i would go with fsh or psh over sn. then again a lot of my close friends have passed with sn and maybe this is just being overly romantic but i wish to die in the same way as them, maybe i can see them again in the afterlife T~T

i hope you can find something that works for you <3