Venting Tears of blood

[wishiwasalittlecool]

I can't cry. No matter how sad I get, I can't cry. I almost broke down in front of my mom, but I didn't. I can't cry.

My grandma passed away 2 years ago. I didn't cry. Yes, I was sad, but I'm always sad. A year later, I broke down. A 20 minute car ride coming home from school; I was inconsolable.

I can't express how I truly feel to anyone. Well, I can to some people. 2 people in my life right now. They're angels. Some people who I used to trust spread rumours about me, with their wicked theories on why I'm depressed or how I'm not to be trusted. How I cut myself for "no reason." Yea, people are entitled to their own opinions, but how can you interact with me almost daily while saying this shit behind my back? Whatever.

Anyways, I cut myself in the tub yesterday. Left shoulder, right shoulder, left thigh, right thigh. I never thought I'd get this bad. I just can't control anything anymore. I decided to play some sad music. Maybe something could show me that my cuts are valid at that moment. I started sobbing. Since I can't let anyone find out, I did it silently as usual. I haven't cried in a long time, and especially not like that.

 

[ArsTenebrae]

Crying is a way to release stress, but it's not always easy to do.

 

[timf]

Cutting can be a way to get a feeling of control. If you can do something in your life that you can actually control, you might find less reason to cut.

 

[Mooncry]

I can't cry either. Even when I force it, only 1 or 2 tears come out and then nothing. I want so badly to just sob uncontrollably, but the only time I can do that is with shrooms, and sometimes alcohol. I'm so painfully numb…