I wanna improve my life as a neet and stop being a leech, but idek how

[Misanthrope0000]

Im posting this on recovery because I don't really wanna die anymore despite attempting in the past, my life has improved drastically from leaving my third world country to enjoying freedom in a developed country and experiencing life to the fullest as a woman, but I still get the thoughts, they never truly went away, they're just less loud and less likely to actually commit again, but this specific problem still remains, I had to drop out of school because of death threats and becoming a target of bullying again, and I've been bullied since 2nd grade as a child and I am NOT going through that shit, so I had no choice but to drop out and now I don't know what to do, I'm 21, I got married at a pretty young age and now living with my partner, I just went from leeching from one family to another, and I really hate this feeling, this feeling triggered when my partner admitted that he was stressed about money and especially with how much money he spends on me and I jest feel helpless and can't even earn a single penny since I haven't been granted the legal way to work yet, and to be honest even when my visa is updated, I'll probably never find a job, I don't even know if I should get back into education or just work part time, it's probably gonna take even more money and I'm honestly so tired of relying on other people for money, I wish I wasn't a leech and could make my own money, I know complaining about it isn't gonna change anything but I really wanted to get this off my chest, I may be weak for dropping out of education because of bullying and death threats and I wish I didn't have to go through it, now I'm too old to be in highschool again and most likely will have to be in a private high school once again which costs money.
I can't complain too much about my life because it improved drastically from what I used to have but I just don't wanna be useless anymore, I wish I had more value and contribute more to those around me, whether my partner or mom or aunt or whoever.
I'm thinking of just starting with a part time job once my visa is updated and try to help around with bills and everyday stuff, I hate being broke

 

[LostHighway]

Im posting this on recovery because I don't really wanna die anymore despite attempting in the past, my life has improved drastically from leaving my third world country to enjoying freedom in a developed country and experiencing life to the fullest as a woman, but I still get the thoughts, they never truly went away, they're just less loud and less likely to actually commit again, but this specific problem still remains, I had to drop out of school because of death threats and becoming a target of bullying again, and I've been bullied since 2nd grade as a child and I am NOT going through that shit, so I had no choice but to drop out and now I don't know what to do, I'm 21, I got married at a pretty young age and now living with my partner, I just went from leeching from one family to another, and I really hate this feeling, this feeling triggered when my partner admitted that he was stressed about money and especially with how much money he spends on me and I jest feel helpless and can't even earn a single penny since I haven't been granted the legal way to work yet, and to be honest even when my visa is updated, I'll probably never find a job, I don't even know if I should get back into education or just work part time, it's probably gonna take even more money and I'm honestly so tired of relying on other people for money, I wish I wasn't a leech and could make my own money, I know complaining about it isn't gonna change anything but I really wanted to get this off my chest, I may be weak for dropping out of education because of bullying and death threats and I wish I didn't have to go through it, now I'm too old to be in highschool again and most likely will have to be in a private high school once again which costs money.
I can't complain too much about my life because it improved drastically from what I used to have but I just don't wanna be useless anymore, I wish I had more value and contribute more to those around me, whether my partner or mom or aunt or whoever.
I'm thinking of just starting with a part time job once my visa is updated and try to help around with bills and everyday stuff, I hate being broke

I'm an older woman. Consider me a Cautionary Tale. I have quite a few regrets in life, but one of my biggest was not pursuing the career of my dreams: to be a traveling photo-journalist. What do YOU want to do? What is your passion? If you don't have a passion, consider books like "What Color is Your Parachute?", "Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life", etc etc. You will feel SO much better about yourself when you start a part time job, but try to find work that you will enjoy. Go to school part time to learn a skill You do NOT want to go through life leeching on others. Something could happen to your partner and you would be left to defend for yourself. Learn how to be a strong, independent woman. Get THERAPY for this. Or find a life coach. As for the person who threatened your life - report them somehow. Get a restraining order. Take control of your life, okay? I'm so happy for you that you've chosen to live. Make it a good life. You've got this!