VanishedEurydice
Member
- Apr 1, 2026
- 5
I struggle a lot with independence and navigating the world. I don't know where I'm supposed to go, what to do, what to say in order to get diagnosed by myself, and every person I ever came to for help doesn't believe me because I seem 'normal', as if I haven't been bullied into it through my whole school life. I graduated earlier this year and I'm stuck. The second you turn 18 everyone expects you to magically turn into this mature, self-sufficient person and leaves you to fend for yourself. "You're a grown adult, just do it yourself".
Now it's time to get a job. I had to take apprenticeships in high school and my performance was so bad I don't even want to think what a real job would be like. I lost my first apprenticeship because I was so nervous I was unable to speak most of the time, which my boss somehow interpreted as disresepect. I managed to graduate with my second one, but I struggled a lot. I was confused on what I'm supposed to do even with guidance, and my instructors had to explain it to me multiple times, of course getting irritated in the process. Whenever I attempted to do anything all by myself, in fear of getting scolded for asking for help for the 100th time, I would do it terribly wrong and get yelled at even more. They probably would've kicked me out if they had the power to. One of my instructors that noticed there might be something up with me only told me to not bother her with it until I show her an official diagnosis.
Still, despite how harsh they could be, they had more patience than a real employer would. The place gets money if I passed my exams after all. But now no one has a reason to keep me around if I'm doing badly. I'm terrified but my family is getting sick of having me around and I'm afraid they'll kick me out if I don't find a job soon. There's very few offers in my area and it's either something I'm not qualified for or requires too much contact with other people. I can't ctb anymore so the only option is to move on, but I have no idea how to go about it and my family made it clear that I can't count on any kind of support from them. Whenever I had trouble with something it was always some kind of personal flaw. Because I'm lazy. Because I'm disobedient. Because I don't have a good excuse, unlike my younger brother with ADHD who gets to stress me out and my other little siblings for fun 'because he's sick'. But me? I'm just not trying hard enough!
And it's not just the employment part. The adult world is a huge bureaucratic maze. You need to go to many different places with many dfferent pieces of paper just to get one thing done. I already gave up on the idea of getting a driver's license when I learned how many steps you have to go through just to even get signed up. And then there's insurance for this, insurance for that, tax for this thing, bill for another. And I have to manage all of these things for the rest of my life all alone, and god forbid I fail to do any of them. I hate it here.
I'll appreciate any kind of advice, really.
Now it's time to get a job. I had to take apprenticeships in high school and my performance was so bad I don't even want to think what a real job would be like. I lost my first apprenticeship because I was so nervous I was unable to speak most of the time, which my boss somehow interpreted as disresepect. I managed to graduate with my second one, but I struggled a lot. I was confused on what I'm supposed to do even with guidance, and my instructors had to explain it to me multiple times, of course getting irritated in the process. Whenever I attempted to do anything all by myself, in fear of getting scolded for asking for help for the 100th time, I would do it terribly wrong and get yelled at even more. They probably would've kicked me out if they had the power to. One of my instructors that noticed there might be something up with me only told me to not bother her with it until I show her an official diagnosis.
Still, despite how harsh they could be, they had more patience than a real employer would. The place gets money if I passed my exams after all. But now no one has a reason to keep me around if I'm doing badly. I'm terrified but my family is getting sick of having me around and I'm afraid they'll kick me out if I don't find a job soon. There's very few offers in my area and it's either something I'm not qualified for or requires too much contact with other people. I can't ctb anymore so the only option is to move on, but I have no idea how to go about it and my family made it clear that I can't count on any kind of support from them. Whenever I had trouble with something it was always some kind of personal flaw. Because I'm lazy. Because I'm disobedient. Because I don't have a good excuse, unlike my younger brother with ADHD who gets to stress me out and my other little siblings for fun 'because he's sick'. But me? I'm just not trying hard enough!
And it's not just the employment part. The adult world is a huge bureaucratic maze. You need to go to many different places with many dfferent pieces of paper just to get one thing done. I already gave up on the idea of getting a driver's license when I learned how many steps you have to go through just to even get signed up. And then there's insurance for this, insurance for that, tax for this thing, bill for another. And I have to manage all of these things for the rest of my life all alone, and god forbid I fail to do any of them. I hate it here.
I'll appreciate any kind of advice, really.
