My recovery journal

[Cloud Busting]

As many of you know, I was once pinkribbonscars.

My story is a sad one. As you would expect from someone here. And I was tired. Tired of existing and not being able to live.

I tried to hold on and everything kept getting worse. I couldn't function at all. I was ashamed. I was angry at the world, at systemic oppression, and I wanted my death to be heroic, a battle cry to help people like me abandoned and in need.

Now I just can't project that kinda pain and trauma onto the world anymore. Yet I can't live like this. I have three choices:

1. Be an addict
2. CTB
3. Recover

Not everyone has the privilege to recover. I understand to have the social supports I have, I am lucky and it makes it doable for me. Not everyone can be like me. It's also so hard. Sometimes it doesn't feel worth it. It's tiring. It's why social supports help, and once again, if you lack that, don't feel bad, and I don't blame you for anything you do. I am not better than you. You are you, and I am me.

I just know how much my story impacted people. I don't want a stained legacy. I don't want to think about that time with pain. I want to move on.

I'm healing. I'm lucky. If you want to heal, you can join me. Ask me anything.

Leaving the sanctuary. It's not conducive to my recovery. But my past actions are killing me.

I want to make it right.to everyone and everything.


Especially to myself.

 

[timf]

It can be difficult to summon the resolve to turn things around. However, in addition to resolve, it can be helpful to experiment with different things to see if one can discover a particular activity or approach that works better than another. The discovery of things that work can help sustain and build momentum towards recovery.

 

[Cloud Busting]

@Hystearical

Just tagging you so you can know where I'm at and what I'm up to today. Hope you're well.

Hard day today. It hurts to admit I'm experiencing trauma, yet protecting myself from deep pain with dissociation and numbing, or lashing out, is not helping. Idk. Imma go. Life be shit. But imma get thru.

PTSD sucks no wonder I was in denial for so long I'm not even angry at myself anymore I'm happy I'm doing anything at all

@_AllCatsAreGrey_

Hello, wonder if you could relate. Anyone I tag is not obliged to respond. I will not take it personally if you don't. Just my way of checking in and saying hi <3

 

[RawRX3]

I relate to that a lot about the wanting to do something meaningful before things happen, especially for those that hadn't had the support and care they should've had

I hope you continue to progress and find your self more alive the next day than the one before <3

Thank you for sharing, it's always nice to hear good things too! ^^