Surviving Sn - Update

[Kayla]

If you've read my other thread, then you will know that I survived taking sn. I took it on the 16th of May, got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to restart my heart, and I was in a coma for a while. I thought I would do an update on how things are. My memory is slowly coming back, but it's still not 100%. The tracheostomy hole is closed and healing well. My hands are still 2 different colours and they don't know why. I'm still on loads of medication. The crisis team is still involved. Everyone has been saying "you won't do it again" but the first thing I did when I got back to my flat was reorder the sn, and it came. Back in August last year, I lost my driving licence due to mental health, which in turn made my mental health even worse, as I live in a semi-remote area. So it felt like all my independence was stripped. I'm currently in the process of getting my licence back, so once I do, I can take the sn in a pretty place, as doing it in the bathroom was not the move. I'm still not trusted with medication, so I'm on weekly prescriptions. At the moment, I'm just doing and saying what people want to see/hear to get them off my back. I feel a lot of guilt because I've traumatised people with what I did. Sometimes I'm happy that I survived, but other times I wish I had died. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

 

[Seaghost]

May I ask you if you have something like a near death experience when they tryed to retrieve you back to life?

I hope you get what you want to finde peace :)!

 

[jazzcat621]

A lot of people CTBing will think of those that wronged them getting a sense of "i told you so" or "I wish I treated them better while they were still around". Have you experienced anything like that? Apologies from people that did mean things to you, care and love from people that neglected you, etc?

 

[Kayla]

May I ask you if you have something like a near death experience when they tryed to retrieve you back to life?

I hope you get what you want to finde peace :)!

I'm not sure, I just know that I felt a sense of peace that I've never felt before. I don't really remember the day that it happened. I was very confused because my brain wasn't getting oxygen. And when I eventually came round, I think like 2 weeks later, I was confused and didn't know what happened. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

A lot of people CTBing will think of those that wronged them getting a sense of "i told you so" or "I wish I treated them better while they were still around". Have you experienced anything like that? Apologies from people that did mean things to you, care and love from people that neglected you, etc?

Eh somewhat, In May of last year, I had cut contact with my family because they didn't respect me. For some reason, the hospital I was at had them down as next of kin. From the ages of 13-18 I was in foster care, and my last set of foster parents were amazing, and they still kept in contact with me even after I moved out and turned 18, they took me out and supported me with anything I needed. So when my "family" was visiting for some reason, they started saying that my foster family didn't care about me and just shit like that and also saying that they weren't visiting yet when I was in a coma, they were visiting every day. Exactly what I needed, having just woken up from a serious suicide attempt.

 

[jazzcat621]

Eh somewhat, In May of last year, I had cut contact with my family because they didn't respect me. For some reason, the hospital I was at had them down as next of kin. From the ages of 13-18 I was in foster care, and my last set of foster parents were amazing, and they still kept in contact with me even after I moved out and turned 18, they took me out and supported me with anything I needed. So when my "family" was visiting for some reason, they started saying that my foster family didn't care about me and just shit like that and also saying that they weren't visiting yet when I was in a coma, they were visiting every day. Exactly what I needed, having just woken up from a serious suicide attempt.

god im sorry to hear your bio family treated you like that, especially after an attempt. You dont deserve being misled and manipulated like that.

 

[wham311]

If you've read my other thread, then you will know that I survived taking sn. I took it on the 16th of May, got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to restart my heart, and I was in a coma for a while. I thought I would do an update on how things are. My memory is slowly coming back, but it's still not 100%. The tracheostomy hole is closed and healing well. My hands are still 2 different colours and they don't know why. I'm still on loads of medication. The crisis team is still involved. Everyone has been saying "you won't do it again" but the first thing I did when I got back to my flat was reorder the sn, and it came. Back in August last year, I lost my driving licence due to mental health, which in turn made my mental health even worse, as I live in a semi-remote area. So it felt like all my independence was stripped. I'm currently in the process of getting my licence back, so once I do, I can take the sn in a pretty place, as doing it in the bathroom was not the move. I'm still not trusted with medication, so I'm on weekly prescriptions. At the moment, I'm just doing and saying what people want to see/hear to get them off my back. I feel a lot of guilt because I've traumatised people with what I did. Sometimes I'm happy that I survived, but other times I wish I had died. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

Why did it fail?

 

[Seaghost]

I'm not sure, I just know that I felt a sense of peace that I've never felt before. I don't really remember the day that it happened. I was very confused because my brain wasn't getting oxygen. And when I eventually came round, I think like 2 weeks later, I was confused and didn't know what happened. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

Thank you very much for your response. It means much to me.
I wish you find that peace again. Good luck!!!

 

[RadioGaga]

Hey if you don't mind me asking, could we dm/private Message?

 

[Kayla]

Why did it fail?

i didn't prepare for it, i took it on a impulse and had medical help semi quickly.

 

[Xiaojiu]

i didn't prepare for it, i took it on a impulse and had medical help semi quickly.

What do you mean you didn't prepare for it? No fasting, etc.? And how did it feel when you took it?

 

[Kayla]

What do you mean you didn't prepare for it? No fasting, etc.? And how did it feel when you took it?

i didnt take anti emetics and i didnt fast. I was throwing up a lot and then very confused

 

[eupdplishlp]

firstly That all sounds like immense tourture and suffering, I'm so sorry for the pain in your life you've had to endue.

I am also planning on sn for ctb, would you mind sharing how many grams you used?

 

[Kayla]

firstly That all sounds like immense tourture and suffering, I'm so sorry for the pain in your life you've had to endue.

I am also planning on sn for ctb, would you mind sharing how many grams you used?

i didnt really measure it out. but they said 70g but that doesn't seem right.

 

[Obliviate]

Hey, so sorry you went through that. Can I ask how they found you to get you medical help or did you call yourself?

 

[Xiaojiu]

i didnt take anti emetics and i didnt fast. I was throwing up a lot and then very confused

Did you feel any pain? Headaches? Stomach pains?

 

[Kayla]

Hey, so sorry you went through that. Can I ask how they found you to get you medical help or did you call yourself?

the police had just arrived after being called by someone else.

Did you feel any pain? Headaches? Stomach pains?

no pain that i remember, i was very confused and don't remember much. only remember throwing up

 

[deletednumber]

where I then had a cardiac arrest.

Wow...first of all i want say to you that god you went throught a lot!!it's terrifying
I am very sorry and I hope now you feel at least a bit more serene since I believe you had to endure a lot of shit by now.

I wanted to ask you if you felt something regarding your heart stopping or you were unconscious?

 

[Obliviate]

Wow, no pain and peaceful? I'm glad. I wonder if you were involuntarily making noises (documented on previous cases) which caught the attention of others. You would probably have succeeded.

 

[Kayla]

Wow...first of all i want say to you that god you went throught a lot!!it's terrifying
I am very sorry and I hope now you feel at least a bit more serene since I believe you had to endure a lot of shit by now.

I wanted to ask you if you felt something regarding your heart stopping or you were unconscious?

i was unconscious so i didn't feel anything. It was only when I woke up from the coma and they said that I had a cardiac arrest that I knew what had happened

Wow, no pain and peaceful? I'm glad. I wonder if you were involuntarily making noises (documented on previous cases) which caught the attention of others. You would probably have succeeded.

i wouldnt know. Probably making noise as I was throwing up. I've requested the body cam footage of that day so I might be able to see how I looked etc. I would of succeed if the police weren't there when I had taken it

 

[deletednumber]

i was unconscious so i didn't feel anything. It was only when I woke up from the coma and they said that I had a cardiac arrest that I knew what had happened

Sending you the warmest hug

 

[Querry1]

i didn't prepare for it, i took it on a impulse and had medical help semi quickly.

There should be no further consequences after you recover, I did the same mistake, did not take any antiemetics, the pain and heart rushing is too much

 

[thaelyana]

Merci pour votre témoignage. On peut voir la couleur de vos mains ? Si ce n'est pas trop personnel, bien sûr.


Courage, j'espère que tu ne découvriras pas trop de dégâts à l'avenir ?

 

[Xiaojiu]

There should be no further consequences after you recover, I did the same mistake, did not take any antiemetics, the pain and heart rushing is too much

What kind of pain did you feel? And what was your experience like?

 

[TBONTB]

the police had just arrived after being called by someone else.

no pain that i remember, i was very confused and don't remember much. only remember throwing up

Where were you at the time...home, hotel? Does it seem like someone heard you?

I am sorry you had this experience

 

[Raindancer]

I am sorry for what you have been through, all of it. Be kind to yourself as your body heals from this and you decide what comes next. I hope you can get your license back and wish you some peace in this process.

 

[Freedomm]

If you've read my other thread, then you will know that I survived taking sn. I took it on the 16th of May, got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to restart my heart, and I was in a coma for a while. I thought I would do an update on how things are. My memory is slowly coming back, but it's still not 100%. The tracheostomy hole is closed and healing well. My hands are still 2 different colours and they don't know why. I'm still on loads of medication. The crisis team is still involved. Everyone has been saying "you won't do it again" but the first thing I did when I got back to my flat was reorder the sn, and it came. Back in August last year, I lost my driving licence due to mental health, which in turn made my mental health even worse, as I live in a semi-remote area. So it felt like all my independence was stripped. I'm currently in the process of getting my licence back, so once I do, I can take the sn in a pretty place, as doing it in the bathroom was not the move. I'm still not trusted with medication, so I'm on weekly prescriptions. At the moment, I'm just doing and saying what people want to see/hear to get them off my back. I feel a lot of guilt because I've traumatised people with what I did. Sometimes I'm happy that I survived, but other times I wish I had died. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

Of course, I'm not a doctor, but 25 minutes of cardiac arrest is kind of fantastic, as far as I know, the brain dies 10 minutes after cardiac arrest. Perhaps your case is unique, but unfortunately it doesn't sound very plausible.

 

[contentedlyplanning]

I attempted back in 2016 via a medication overdose. I was in the ICU for three days, "woke up", but I had no recollection of events for another two days. I have short- and long-term memory loss to this day, which I've mostly learned to cope with. The doctors said I absolutely should have died (medically speaking, not that they were passing judgement) and I still wish I hadn't been saved.

I made a commitment to stay alive for three more years, but if I'm still suicidal at the end of it I plan to try again. I hope you find peace

 

[Kayla]

I am sorry for what you have been through, all of it. Be kind to yourself as your body heals from this and you decide what comes next. I hope you can get your license back and wish you some peace in this process.

thank you <3

Where were you at the time...home, hotel? Does it seem like someone heard you?

I am sorry you had this experience

I was at home in the bathroom, the police were outside the door