Surviving Sn - Update

[razor543]

If you've read my other thread, then you will know that I survived taking sn. I took it on the 16th of May, got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to restart my heart, and I was in a coma for a while. I thought I would do an update on how things are. My memory is slowly coming back, but it's still not 100%. The tracheostomy hole is closed and healing well. My hands are still 2 different colours and they don't know why. I'm still on loads of medication. The crisis team is still involved. Everyone has been saying "you won't do it again" but the first thing I did when I got back to my flat was reorder the sn, and it came. Back in August last year, I lost my driving licence due to mental health, which in turn made my mental health even worse, as I live in a semi-remote area. So it felt like all my independence was stripped. I'm currently in the process of getting my licence back, so once I do, I can take the sn in a pretty place, as doing it in the bathroom was not the move. I'm still not trusted with medication, so I'm on weekly prescriptions. At the moment, I'm just doing and saying what people want to see/hear to get them off my back. I feel a lot of guilt because I've traumatised people with what I did. Sometimes I'm happy that I survived, but other times I wish I had died. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

 

[Seaghost]

May I ask you if you have something like a near death experience when they tryed to retrieve you back to life?

I hope you get what you want to finde peace :)!

 

[jazzcat621]

A lot of people CTBing will think of those that wronged them getting a sense of "i told you so" or "I wish I treated them better while they were still around". Have you experienced anything like that? Apologies from people that did mean things to you, care and love from people that neglected you, etc?

 

[razor543]

May I ask you if you have something like a near death experience when they tryed to retrieve you back to life?

I hope you get what you want to finde peace :)!

I'm not sure, I just know that I felt a sense of peace that I've never felt before. I don't really remember the day that it happened. I was very confused because my brain wasn't getting oxygen. And when I eventually came round, I think like 2 weeks later, I was confused and didn't know what happened. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

A lot of people CTBing will think of those that wronged them getting a sense of "i told you so" or "I wish I treated them better while they were still around". Have you experienced anything like that? Apologies from people that did mean things to you, care and love from people that neglected you, etc?

Eh somewhat, In May of last year, I had cut contact with my family because they didn't respect me. For some reason, the hospital I was at had them down as next of kin. From the ages of 13-18 I was in foster care, and my last set of foster parents were amazing, and they still kept in contact with me even after I moved out and turned 18, they took me out and supported me with anything I needed. So when my "family" was visiting for some reason, they started saying that my foster family didn't care about me and just shit like that and also saying that they weren't visiting yet when I was in a coma, they were visiting every day. Exactly what I needed, having just woken up from a serious suicide attempt.

 

[jazzcat621]

Eh somewhat, In May of last year, I had cut contact with my family because they didn't respect me. For some reason, the hospital I was at had them down as next of kin. From the ages of 13-18 I was in foster care, and my last set of foster parents were amazing, and they still kept in contact with me even after I moved out and turned 18, they took me out and supported me with anything I needed. So when my "family" was visiting for some reason, they started saying that my foster family didn't care about me and just shit like that and also saying that they weren't visiting yet when I was in a coma, they were visiting every day. Exactly what I needed, having just woken up from a serious suicide attempt.

god im sorry to hear your bio family treated you like that, especially after an attempt. You dont deserve being misled and manipulated like that.

 

[wham311]

If you've read my other thread, then you will know that I survived taking sn. I took it on the 16th of May, got airlifted to the hospital, where I then had a cardiac arrest. It took them 25 minutes to restart my heart, and I was in a coma for a while. I thought I would do an update on how things are. My memory is slowly coming back, but it's still not 100%. The tracheostomy hole is closed and healing well. My hands are still 2 different colours and they don't know why. I'm still on loads of medication. The crisis team is still involved. Everyone has been saying "you won't do it again" but the first thing I did when I got back to my flat was reorder the sn, and it came. Back in August last year, I lost my driving licence due to mental health, which in turn made my mental health even worse, as I live in a semi-remote area. So it felt like all my independence was stripped. I'm currently in the process of getting my licence back, so once I do, I can take the sn in a pretty place, as doing it in the bathroom was not the move. I'm still not trusted with medication, so I'm on weekly prescriptions. At the moment, I'm just doing and saying what people want to see/hear to get them off my back. I feel a lot of guilt because I've traumatised people with what I did. Sometimes I'm happy that I survived, but other times I wish I had died. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

Why did it fail?

 

[Seaghost]

I'm not sure, I just know that I felt a sense of peace that I've never felt before. I don't really remember the day that it happened. I was very confused because my brain wasn't getting oxygen. And when I eventually came round, I think like 2 weeks later, I was confused and didn't know what happened. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

Thank you very much for your response. It means much to me.
I wish you find that peace again. Good luck!!!

 

[Nagoop]

Hey if you don't mind me asking, could we dm/private Message?

 

[razor543]

Why did it fail?

i didn't prepare for it, i took it on a impulse and had medical help semi quickly.