Survived

[ShadowChild]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that; how are you feeling now?

Can I ask what you mean exactly when you say you were vague with them? I just want to know what to say to get off the hook if someone happens to interrupt my attempt, the last thing anyone needs is the psych ward.

Feel numb I wish I hadn't survived but I'm to mentally and physically exhausted to try again anytime soon. It's like I'm in a hole and my only way of climbing out has gone.

vague meaning they asked me do I know what happened I said no they asked what's the last thing I remember I said getting up to pee had I taken any drugs I said nothey said hadI drank alcohol I said yes about what would have been 4 hours before collapsing they said how much I said 2 pints they said had i smoked or vaped I said I had vaped. Basically you want to answer any questions with as little info as possible and act like you have no idea what's going on or what's just happened.

 

[s1mplem3]

Basically you took SN but parents found you and called ambulance? Can you tell please how fast did you lose consciousness and how long have you been like this? Time you've spent in hospital? How do you feel now? Thanks.

 

[ghostspace]

Feel numb I wish I hadn't survived but I'm to mentally and physically exhausted to try again anytime soon. It's like I'm in a hole and my only way of climbing out has gone.

vague meaning they asked me do I know what happened I said no they asked what's the last thing I remember I said getting up to pee had I taken any drugs I said nothey said hadI drank alcohol I said yes about what would have been 4 hours before collapsing they said how much I said 2 pints they said had i smoked or vaped I said I had vaped. Basically you want to answer any questions with as little info as possible and act like you have no idea what's going on or what's just happened.

Thank you for answering, I know this is a really hard time for you and you must be feeling devastated.

You may be in a hole, but you still have SN, right? Take some time to recover, your body and brain went through a lot and it takes time to fully process everything.

If you're planning on trying to CTB again, there's plenty of time for that. Take care for now ♡

 

[Ghost2211]

That is really unfortunate. I don't think one really can do activities after taking sn. Granted it's hard to think in that state, but if I were dying anyway I would most likely hold it or just wet myself. We all poop and pee once dead anyway.

Im a bit surprised people didn't realize it was a suicide since that typically doesn't just happen. Unless you're on specific meds that or a genetic factor that doesn't really happen. I suppose there isn't much they can do if you just deny it though since they have no real proof.

 

[ShadowChild]

Basically you took SN but parents found you and called ambulance? Can you tell please how fast did you lose consciousness and how long have you been like this? Time you've spent in hospital? How do you feel now? Thanks.

I took the sn I got up 5-10 minutes later to use the toilet I got to my bedroom door after stumbling towards it made my way toward the toilet (it's pretty close to my door) took one step fell and bam out like a light parents heard me fall and saw me then called ambulance. How do I feel? Physically fine kinda sore from all the needles tho. Mentally? Let's just say I wish I had gone to the toilet before taking the sn I'm not in a good place. How long have I been what? Wanting to ctb? Hard to say, years.

 

[Quarky00]

I said I had vaped

Now they'll ban vaping

I can see the headlines. "Vaping causes methemoglobinemia".

 

[s1mplem3]

I took the sn I got up 5-10 minutes later to use the toilet I got to my bedroom door after stumbling towards it made my way toward the toilet (it's pretty close to my door) took one step fell and bam out like a light parents heard me fall and saw me then called ambulance. How do I feel? Physically fine kinda sore from all the needles tho. Mentally? Let's just say I wish I had gone to the toilet before taking the sn I'm not in a good place. How long have I been what? Wanting to ctb? Hard to say, years.

How long have you been unconscious? So are you still in hospital?

 

[breachingthevoid]

Do you feel any differently about CTB now? Are you thinking of holding off and trying to do some recovery? Sounds like one of the things to take away from this is doing any kind of attempt where someone is there to possibly find you. I think this is why people will set up a time when they are alone in a house, car, even a hotel room, except for a loud crash in a hotel room may have resulted in someone calling the staff, so that may not have helped. How is your family handling it?

 

[jgm63]

Just to clarify in case we get the usual "how / why did you survive ?" questions...

1 tablespoon of SN is about 19g, which is a *very* high dose for most people, especially for your bodyweight.
100mg per kg is considered a lethal SN dose.
So, 55kg * 100mg = 5.5 g would be a lethal dose for your weight.

The guidelines suggest a "very lethal dose", of 250mg per kg.
55kg * 250mg = 13.75 g

So if you took a tablespoon of SN, you would be taking even more than that.
So the amount consumed is not the issue.

However, it would be better to follow the protocol in Stan's guide (use an anti-emetic, dissolve the SN in water, etc....)

The main issue here, however, is that you were found.
Virtually all SN survival cases seem to be due to either not following the protocol correctly, or being found, or calling for an ambulance....

Regarding SN amounts, I made this table that some people find useful to refer to :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-water-amount-lookup-table-v2.32241/

 

[ShadowChild]

How long have you been unconscious? So are you still in hospital?

How long is hard to say I'm not entirely sure I was unconscious from the moment of collapse until I got to the hospital and they administered oxejen then I was flitting in and out of conciousness whilst they were administering meth blue. I'm no longer in hospital

Now they'll ban vaping

I can see the headlines. "Vaping causes methemoglobinemia".

I know D:

Just to clarify in case we get the usual "how / why did you survive ?" questions...

1 tablespoon of SN is about 19g, which is a *very* high dose for most people, especially for your bodyweight.
100mg per kg is considered a lethal SN dose.
So, 55kg * 100mg = 5.5 g would be a lethal dose for your weight.

The guidelines suggest a "very lethal dose", of 250mg per kg.
55kg * 250mg = 13.75 g

So if you took a tablespoon of SN, you would be taking even more than that.
So the amount consumed is not the issue.

However, it would be better to follow the protocol in Stan's guide (use an anti-emetic, dissolve the SN in water, etc....)

The main issue here, however, is that you were found.
Virtually all SN survival cases seem to be due to either not following the protocol correctly, or being found, or calling for an ambulance....

Regarding SN amounts, I made this table that some people find useful to refer to :
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-water-amount-lookup-table-v2.32241/

Unfortunately I can't get AE without prescription, you're right about everything else. Like I said it would have worked perfectly and I wouldn't be here if I hadn't had to go to the bathroom. It felt like I'd been holding it in all day that's how uncomfortable it was. So an empty bladder is definitely beneficial

Do you feel any differently about CTB now? Are you thinking of holding off and trying to do some recovery? Sounds like one of the things to take away from this is doing any kind of attempt where someone is there to possibly find you. I think this is why people will set up a time when they are alone in a house, car, even a hotel room, except for a loud crash in a hotel room may have resulted in someone calling the staff, so that may not have helped. How is your family handling it?

Well I still want to ctb but I don't know why I don't want to do it again straight away I think I'm just exhausted. Sn would still be my go to after trying partial and being unable to pass out. You know people say after failing they have a brand new perspective on life but I don't

 

[Quarky00]

1 tablespoon of SN is about 19g, which is a *very* high dose for most people, especially for your bodyweight.

OP says 1 tablespoon is 10g .

Tablespoon "data" is misleading. For months Stan and others insisted on scales.

~~~

OP I don't get it , you're about to die and go to pee? You were doing SN but never consulted Guide? Parents don't care what happened?

~~~

This thread is confusing

 

[jgm63]

OP says 1 tablespoon is 10g .

Tablespoon "data" is misleading. For months Stan and others insisted on scales.

~~~

OP I don't get it , you're about to die and go to pee? You were doing SN but never consulted Guide? Parents don't care what happened?

~~~

This thread is confusing

Agreed. As I state on my table thread : "Using kitchen scales should always be the preference (cheaply available online). Use the teaspoon / tablespoon amounts only if scales are unavailable."

But sometimes, "life happens", and people end up not having access to scales....
No amount of saying "you must have scales !!" is likely to change that....

1 tablespoon is definitely more than 10g (unless they were using an especially small one, and "levelled off" the powder, so there was no "rounding" at all). I invested a fair bit of time looking into the tablespoon thing (with helpful input from @Soul), and ended up concluding that 18.5g was a reasonable figure to go with.... There's more info on my table thread...

 

[ShadowChild]

OP says 1 tablespoon is 10g .

Tablespoon "data" is misleading. For months Stan and others insisted on scales.

~~~

OP I don't get it , you're about to die and go to pee? You were doing SN but never consulted Guide? Parents don't care what happened?

~~~

This thread is confusing

I didn't know I was about to die until I stood up and took a few steps to go pee I thought I was just waiting for it to kick in and still had time to relive how uncomfortable it felt NOT to go pee. I honestly can't explain it because I can't exactly share every part of my experience with you. If they hadn't been home I still would have gotten up to pee, like a said, I was laying here feeling a little bit "drunk" next thing it feels like I haven't peed all day, I got up to go and it all kicked in as soon as I'd taken afew steps, I collapsed woke up "properly" in hospital told that the levels of methemoglobin in my blood were 86% they said I'd have been dead in an hour if I hadn't been "rescued" and they were baffled as I didn't give them any answers that would lead them to believe that it was a ctb attempt. No my parents bought it. Yes a tablespoon for someone if my weight was enough to cause this.

I didn't know I was about to die until I stood up and took a few steps to go pee I thought I was just waiting for it to kick in and still had time to relive how uncomfortable it felt NOT to go pee. I honestly can't explain it because I can't exactly share every part of my experience with you. If they hadn't been home I still would have gotten up to pee, like a said, I was laying here feeling a little bit "drunk" next thing it feels like I haven't peed all day, I got up to go and it all kicked in as soon as I'd taken afew steps, I collapsed woke up "properly" in hospital told that the levels of methemoglobin in my blood were 86% they said I'd have been dead in an hour if I hadn't been "rescued" and they were baffled as I didn't give them any answers that would lead them to believe that it was a ctb attempt. No my parents bought it. Yes a tablespoon for someone if my weight was enough to cause this.

oh and as far as the data goes a tablespoon of sugar is roughly 12 grams. Sodium is 25% denser than sugar. The lethal amount of sn for someone who is of average weight is about 6 grams I'm not doubting stans guide at all it was helpful but as I said I don't own any decent scales mine are old and jittery and not digital they are extremely inaccurate and only weight in 25g now it's difficult to actually work out how much 15g is from there. (If you saw my scales you'd realize this) anyway this isn't a guide it's nothing of the sort this is my account of unfortunately surviving. Like I said I'm underweight and iv probably lost weight since the attempt. I can assure you that a tablespoon was enough to have success. I can show you a picture of a blood test that was taken if you want clarification though I think it's unnecessary.
It seems a few people are confused by the needing to use the toilet thing. Okay. Fair enough. I'll explain though I really shouldn't have to. If you desperately need to go then are you comfortable just laying there? Like could you fall asleep if you had the sudden urge to go?

the whole point of this is to be as comfortable and care free as possible and if you think you still have enough time before the SN kicks in properly to the point where you are seconds away from from losing consciousness then you'll go then get back in bed and relax Until you fade away.

OP says 1 tablespoon is 10g .

Tablespoon "data" is misleading. For months Stan and others insisted on scales.

~~~

OP I don't get it , you're about to die and go to pee? You were doing SN but never consulted Guide? Parents don't care what happened?

~~~

This thread is confusing

And forgive my typing error that was supposed to read "roughly 20mg" not 10 ..like I said I don't read before I post and I should -\- sorry for the confusion..
And to everyone asking about how my parents think/feel well they're checking on me constantly so that makes it hard to make any second attempt plans. Gonna have to wait a little bit or find my own place or something. They're more concerned about not knowing what caused it, the hospital originally said carbon monoxide poisoning then saw my parents were fine and then they were like oooo have you taken any poppers? No no I haven't. Not ever..hmmmm what about heroin? Hah..no (I wish I had) ummm hmmm........so yeah the hospital don't know nobody knows.

 

[autumnal]

How long is hard to say I'm not entirely sure I was unconscious from the moment of collapse until I got to the hospital and they administered oxejen then I was flitting in and out of conciousness whilst they were administering meth blue. I'm no longer in hospital
[...]

Wait...if they saw there was no response to oxygen, and decided to administer methylene blue and then saw that was successful, they would have known pretty conclusively that the cause was SN. So how did they believe your denials and vague answers about not having taken any drugs and it not being a suicide attempt?

As others have said, this story doesn't make a lot of sense.

 

[Mm80]

That is really unfortunate. I don't think one really can do activities after taking sn. Granted it's hard to think in that state, but if I were dying anyway I would most likely hold it or just wet myself. We all poop and pee once dead anyway.

Im a bit surprised people didn't realize it was a suicide since that typically doesn't just happen. Unless you're on specific meds that or a genetic factor that doesn't really happen. I suppose there isn't much they can do if you just deny it though since they have no real proof.

Wasnt a whole bag poured on the table surely some one would go in the bedroom and see a bag or some leftover sn ? Unless op put it into 20mg bags or something and took it all then threw bag away ?

 

[Despairing]

How long is hard to say I'm not entirely sure I was unconscious from the moment of collapse until I got to the hospital and they administered oxejen then I was flitting in and out of conciousness whilst they were administering meth blue. I'm no longer in hospital

I know D:

Unfortunately I can't get AE without prescription, you're right about everything else. Like I said it would have worked perfectly and I wouldn't be here if I hadn't had to go to the bathroom. It felt like I'd been holding it in all day that's how uncomfortable it was. So an empty bladder is definitely beneficial

Well I still want to ctb but I don't know why I don't want to do it again straight away I think I'm just exhausted. Sn would still be my go to after trying partial and being unable to pass out. You know people say after failing they have a brand new perspective on life but I don't

Did they put a catheter in you to drain urine?

 

[Quarky00]

No amount of saying "you must have scales !!" is likely to change that....

It did . People postponed their ctb to buy scales.

Or at least made sure it's 20g. I remember members being frantic about that. Suddenly it doesn't matter.

In the last week few members reported "SN spoon", though I must emphasize that wasn't a cause of failure, there is now a confusion about that.

Saying to "use scales but oh here's a spoon equivalent" -- does not work.

 

[ShadowChild]

Wasnt a whole bag poured on the table surely some one would go in the bedroom and see a bag or some leftover sn ? Unless op put it into 20mg bags or something and took it all then threw bag away ?

No I didn't take the sn until I'd hidden the rest of it, nothing was to be found the amount I took was placed onto a piece of paper that was then used like a funnel to avoid spilling any just emptied into my mouth swallowed then drank some water to wash it down.

Wait...if they saw there was no response to oxygen, and decided to administer methylene blue and then saw that was successful, they would have known pretty conclusively that the cause was SN. So how did they believe your denials and vague answers about not having taken any drugs and it not being a suicide attempt?

As others have said, this story doesn't make a lot of sense.

maybe I'm just not very good good at explaining it.

 

[jgm63]

It did . People postponed their ctb to buy scales.

Or at least made sure it's 20g. I remember members being frantic about that. Suddenly it doesn't matter.

In the last week few members reported "SN spoon", though I must emphasize that wasn't a cause of failure, there is now a confusion about that.

Saying to "use scales but oh here's a spoon equivalent" -- does not work.

Ah, my worthy SN-amount adversary has arrived for another bout.
Welcome ! (bows)

I didn't say reinforcing the need for scales wouldn't make a difference to individual cases....
I fully agree that we should continually tell people to use scales.
Each time we can convince an individual to do it correctly, then that's great.

My statement was : that *sometimes* people end up not having access to scales, and *that* fact won't be changing anytime soon.
( hence my statement : No amount of saying "you must have scales !!" is likely to change that.... )
I stand by that assertion....

The SN table thread explicitly tells people to favour the use of scales, and highlights the SN grams column in the table to reinforce that.
However, I also know that sometimes real life takes over, things happen, time crunches can occur, and people sometimes end up in situations where they don't have access to scales.... During stressful times such as those, it's nice to have a backup to be able to refer to....

We need to remember that on this website there are many different types of people, in many different types of situation.
Or people may end up in different situations where they need to CTB. There are so many possible different cases that could be imagined.
So we should try to be as "inclusive" as we can be. Some people may be in a situation where they don't have access to kitchen scales for one reason or another.

 

[ShadowChild]

Wait...if they saw there was no response to oxygen, and decided to administer methylene blue and then saw that was successful, they would have known pretty conclusively that the cause was SN. So how did they believe your denials and vague answers about not having taken any drugs and it not being a suicide attempt?

As others have said, this story doesn't make a lot of sense.

They believed me because 1-I'm convincing 2-they had no proof to the contrary as they hadn't taken a toxicology report just a blood test blood, Gas test etc figured out straight away what was going on but they don't know what caused it.

 

[k75]

I just want to know the logic behind not mixing it with the water.

 

[Majin K.]

I hate the hostility here. Someone attempted to take their own life and all you can do is doubt them. "Dumb" suicide attempts are a lot more common than you might think.

 

[ShadowChild]

I just want to know the logic behind not mixing it with the water.

personal choice.

 

[k75]

I hate the hostility here. Someone attempted to take their own life and all you can do is doubt them. "Dumb" suicide attempts are a lot more common than you might think.

I don't think it's hostility. It's good to ask for clarification when stories are confusing so nobody else repeats false information and hopefully noone makes the same mistakes in the future.

 

[jgm63]

I hate the hostility here. Someone attempted to take their own life and all you can do is doubt them. "Dumb" suicide attempts are a lot more common than you might think.

Which hostility are you referring to ?
e.g. Can you cite an example of a specific post ?

 

[k75]

personal choice.

Maybe the fact that it wasn't properly mixed affected how well it was absorbed.

 

[ShadowChild]

I hate the hostility here. Someone attempted to take their own life and all you can do is doubt them. "Dumb" suicide attempts are a lot more common than you might think.

thank you <3

I don't think it's hostility. It's good to ask for clarification when stories are confusing so nobody else repeats false information and hopefully noone makes the same mistakes in the future.

A lot of people seem to be focusing on the amount taken and the way it was taken like that really mattered in this case. I needed the toilet as I couldn't relax. That was my downfall. Nothing else.

Maybe the fact that it wasn't properly mixed affected how well it was absorbed.

methemoglobin lvls were at 86% so no I don't think this was the issue. I was discovered after collapsing after getting up to use the toilet. If I hadn't gotten up the I'd be dead and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

 

[jgm63]

It did . People postponed their ctb to buy scales.

Or at least made sure it's 20g. I remember members being frantic about that. Suddenly it doesn't matter.

In the last week few members reported "SN spoon", though I must emphasize that wasn't a cause of failure, there is now a confusion about that.

Saying to "use scales but oh here's a spoon equivalent" -- does not work.

From https://www.epa.govt.nz/assets/File...0/ba878fffce/ERMA200570-QA-sodium-nitrite.pdf :
"The oral lethal dose for humans has been estimated to vary from 33 to 250 mg nitrite/ kg"

So when we apply 250mg per kg, then we're at the very top of that range....

If some data becomes available that suggests higher amounts are needed then I shall happily revise my table, or mark it as obsolete if needed.

 

[jimbob1000]

sounds like you been through a rough time, i wish you well

 

[ShadowChild]

sounds like you been through a rough time, i wish you well

thanks man