Story Suicide note to my therapist and pro-lifers

[IWTD]

I'm ending my life by the end of the week and figured I'd post my suicide note to my therapist on here. It has quotes at the end of it from various members on here, from Reddit, and from various books. I don't expect anyone to read it and I don't expect any pro lifer to learn anything from it either but I think some of you will like the quotes at the end of it at least.

I used protonmail, delayed email, Tor, and a VPN for privacy. I'll be crossing my name out the day before I leave and hopefully nothing will go wrong(method is SN). Thanks for all the insightful quotes from SS particularly the ones from @purplemoon and thanks to this site I managed to meet at least one good person before I died.

Suicide note: It might require a copy-paste to work

Penzu

Free personal journal and online diary.

penzu.com

Are you a published writer? If not might want to give it a try.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Are you a published writer? If not might want to give it a try.

I'm not but thanks for the encouragement. The bus will be here to run me over on Monday night.

 

[IWTD]

I'm not but thanks for the encouragement. The bus will be here to run me over on Monday night.

I personally missed the bus a couple times. You have very well read. I wish I had small amount of that talent. I write like a 4th grader, and comprehend like a failing 8th grader lol.
If you put off Monday for any reason I'm in search of help myself.

I'm not but thanks for the encouragement. The bus will be here to run me over on Monday night.

What is harm and what is help? Man what a question. Can I save your note ? It's literally amazing.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

I'm not but thanks for the encouragement. The bus will be here to run me over on Monday night.

I wish the best for you and that everything goes as smoothly as can be expected

 

[Broken Chimera]

That was a beautiful letter that hit many on why the world is messed up and it was accurate about psychiatry. I hope some pro-lifers read that and try to refute it. I hope you find peace after going through hell.

 

[Iwantoknow]

I did read your latter and cried. World is so fucked up place.
You said things in beautiful way what I was trying to find words for my entire life.

I hope you find peace.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

16 hours left.

My regimen will include the stat dose and follows Stan's guide with the exception of 2 things:

1. I took 20mg of Duloxetine the night before (It's for my Fibromyalgia)
2. I'll take somewhere between 600-750mg of caffeine over the course of the day to avoid withdrawal as this is typically what I take.

Hopefully neither affect the SN working properly.

That was a beautiful letter that hit many on why the world is messed up and it was accurate about psychiatry. I hope some pro-lifers read that and try to refute it. I hope you find peace after going through hell.

To be quite honest I sugar coated how terrible the world is so I wouldn't traumatize my therapist. That was merely a introduction to humanity/life. People are aware of the most horrific things, but they pretend that they don't exist because it's easier for them that way.

Even this video is sugar coated but it gets the point across:

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

16 hours left.

Soon you'll be at peace then

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

How are you feeling today?

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Soon you'll be at peace then

How are you feeling today?

My friend momentarily convinced me to stay by being genuinely kind and wanting to help me so I ended up avoiding CTB on Monday after having everything prepared. I don't think I can stay for her sake though; this world doesn't allow people like me to exist and I can't continue on a misguided sense of hope. I am fasting again so I might go tonight and I won't have the option once my "family" returns on the weekend.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

I'm glad you posted again. I thought about you the last couple days. Maybe that sounds weird. I've been through so many deaths at my job and have become somewhat immune to it. It's so different though when someone my own age, even not knowing anything really about them, chooses it because they don't think they have any other option. There's really no easy answer to all of this. I wish we could all get the help we need. Just only go through with it if you're sure you're ready and not because you're not sure when you'll have the opportunity again. PM me if you want to talk. You don't have to, just offering.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

My friend momentarily convinced me to stay by being genuinely kind and wanting to help me so I ended up avoiding CTB on Monday after having everything prepared. I don't think I can stay for her sake though; this world doesn't allow people like me to exist and I can't continue on a misguided sense of hope. I am fasting again so I might go tonight and I won't have the option once my "family" returns on the weekend.

I am so glad that you found someone kind, last days or not. Xo

 

[TAW122]

I'm glad that you have decided to stay a bit longer, and I wish you peace and tranquility in whatever choice you end up making.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Everything. I relate to everything

I just wish I could also do this..

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I wish we could all get the help we need. Just only go through with it if you're sure you're ready and not because you're not sure when you'll have the opportunity again.

Thanks for the offer, I'll have to think about it as I'm antisocial haha. And yeah unfortunately I was doing it because I felt trapped, not because it was my time to go yet so you were spot on.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

Thanks for the offer, I'll have to think about it as I'm antisocial haha. And yeah unfortunately I was doing it because I felt trapped, not because it was my time to go yet so you were spot on.

It sounded like maybe that was the case. I've been through the same many times and backed out. It's not a bad thing to back out and try again to find something worthwhile. No worries, just offering even though I don't have much to offer.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Everything. I relate to everything

I just wish I could also do this..

I'm sure you could come up with something given enough time. Writing this much took me about half a year and I'm the type of person that is extremely poor at articulating themselves. I don't think I would've been able to write this without reading peoples stories or comments on here or on Reddit either because they helped me write my own version of their ideas.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump for pro-lifers. I wouldn't bother bumping this but considering all the encouraging comments I received I guess I might as well, maybe one of them will learn something from it.

 

[person123]

What is the main idea in the note? Antinatalism?

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

What is the main idea in the note? Antinatalism?

The main point of my note was to show that using force and cruelty to momentarily delay suicide doesn't actually stop it. If people want to genuinely prevent suicide then they're going to need to provide real forms of help like housing, universal income, understanding, etc. The inhumane methods that pro-life people use to keep people alive against their will only pushes people closer to suicide and doesn't actually prevent it(they just torture and alienate people before they die). Also, they naively believe that life is worth living under any circumstance and that they have the right to impose that belief on others which they don't; only I know what's best for myself, not privileged people who ignore all of the bad in life because it isn't affecting them.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bumpy

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump for pro-lifers.

I still kind of wish I could send this to my former therapists while I'm alive but I suppose that isn't possible until I actually ctb.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump.

 

[strawberryfield]

i read your note and it was so beautifully written & so accurate.
i feel like more people should see this because i think it would definitely change their way of thinking.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

i read your note and it was so beautifully written & so accurate.
i feel like more people should see this because i think it would definitely change their way of thinking.

Thank you, I never expected anyone to like what I wrote. It's unfortunate but we aren't allowed to talk about these types of things in real life without ending up in the psych ward.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Bump.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Heg there Embrace!

I just want to say how beautifully written and profound your note is. I relate to every word you've wrote in this. What you've written has put a lot of my thoughts about mental illness and society in general into perspective. I also want to thank you for sharing it with us, it was a privilege to read it.

You are truly wiser than the entirety of the narcissistis inside the prolife movement, and the same goes for the people you quoted in the note.

I have tried a lot of times to write a note that felt appropriate to leave but never felt the ones I left were good enough. This has given me a lot to think about for when I ctb.

Although I've never met you in the real world it is plain as day to see you are a compassionate and caring person. The anecdote from one of your quotes about the Iraq War veteran had me tearing up.

Your last paragraph has got me thinking what I'd want from my Good Place once I've ctb. Its something I would have to ponder on for a bit, I've never really considered it a possibility after this life. But what is in the end is anyones guess.

You undoubtedly deserve everything that this life has failed to give you. I hope you get to see your friend and doggie whenever you decide to go. You deserve better. This world will be a worse place without you in it.