Venting Stupid decision-Waiting to see what comes of it

[willitpass]

I nearly passed out several times this morning. I'm so tired and my back really hurts. I'm so thirsty. Gonna take a lot more laxatives. I've been peeing a lot more than I should be for how dehydrated I am and it's clear, so I think my kidneys are really going through it. I am so out of it.

 

[willitpass]

Had a panic attack earlier. I don't know what I look like anymore. Or who I am. All I know is I need to be 50lbs lighter faster than humanly possible and dead sooner than that. It's going to be a long fucking month waiting for this prescription.
I'm so disassociated I don't even recognize where I am. I'm going through the motions to get places but don't recognize what I'm actually looking at. Things look so unfamiliar.

 

[willitpass]

I haven't been able to think straight since last weekend. I don't know if my low heart rate or the hanging did any real long lasting damage but I am starting to think it might have.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

What are your goals? Are you trying to die in a painful way deliberately? Your method doesn't seem to be fast or effective and it seems to be ridiculously painful.

 

[willitpass]

What are your goals? Are you trying to die in a painful way deliberately? Your method doesn't seem to be fast or effective and it seems to be ridiculously painful.

There are multiple posts in this thread answering all of your questions, including the original post.
I don't feel well at all. I'm so shaky. And my joints feel strange, almost jelly like. I feel so strange.
My muscles feel weird.
My whole body is tingling.
Everything is pretty textbook of absolutely fucked electrolytes. I'm sure if I got blood drawn right now I'd be flagging red in almost every column.

 

[ladylazarus4]

does the unwellness ever make you want to stop, even for a second? I'm so sorry that life has come to this for you. I wish there was some way to alleviate your suffering.

 

[willitpass]

Horrible orthostatic hypotension this morning. Every time I stand up my body feels like TV static. I only slept two hours last night. I'm tired.

 

[Tesha]

I'm sorry you seem to be really struggling now. From your writing, you appear to be cognitively declining - I'm not sure if you're still working in your healthcare role, but if you are could you please reconsider that. I'd hate you to make a mistake that could result in someone else potentially being harmed. Apologies if you feel I've overstepped, but I felt I needed to say something.

 

[willitpass]

I'm sorry you seem to be really struggling now. From your writing, you appear to be cognitively declining - I'm not sure if you're still working in your healthcare role, but if you are could you please reconsider that. I'd hate you to make a mistake that could result in someone else potentially being harmed. Apologies if you feel I've overstepped, but I felt I needed to say something.

I've very recently filed for short term disability. I told my manager it was due to physical health problems. By the time everything gets filed and approved I'll probably be dead anyway so the pay cut won't even really have enough time to make a hit. I'm probably going to have to drop out of school and stop driving soon as well. The days I feel well enough to drive are few and far between anymore and I imagine soon I'll have to stop altogether.
I just ate a real hot meal for the first time since Monday. Most people wouldn't consider today or Mondays food a meal exactly but it's hot food and more substantial than just a granola bar. I feel so sick now. I couldn't even finish half of it before I got full and now I'm uncomfortably full now that it's had a bit to settle.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Been following your thread since the beginning but just joined today. Both heartbreaking and inspirational to see how tough you are. Best of luck with however you ultimately want this to go.

 

[willitpass]

I'm so ready for a month from now. I can be free.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Checking in on you, hoping you can find moments of relief in something that brings you comfort while this time passes, we are here for you.