I of course don't know you, but I found this forum though a video a friend sent to me. I don't make judgements based on videos by people who clearly don't understand dark situations. So i decided to snoop around and make my own opinions. I'm not sure why, but your story in particular caught my attention. I'm so sorry things have been so hard and that life is just not good for you. I wish I had the capabilities to bring happiness to those who need it most. I cannot do this however, no matter how much I wish it. I will say though, I have had my fair share of darkness, and I understand. I am a good listener, so if you ever just want to chat, please reach out to me. No matter what you choose going forward in this life, know you aren't a failure no matter what your brain wants you to believe. Much love to you in your future endeavors.