I mean, at some point we all are, right? ... I don't know what to believe about it anymore.
But, the point is, sometimes I find myself talking about human nature, mental health, philosophy whatever and all I receive are misunderstandings. Like, that's not what I meant. So I am not clear? I mean the thought has gotten through my head but there are one or two people I can count that actually get my point so that's definitely not it. But why do I bother anyway? Well you know, I always felt different, ever since I have awareness of memory, so it always sticked to me, am I different or am I not and how exactly. And also, even to this day I feel so lonely. I think it's a very natural question to ask myself over and over again.
And for now the answer is that yes, I am much very different and it's very hard to feel comfortable in any conversation. Like most of the time I just put myself in automatic mode, I always hated that but it's honestly easier and lately I don't have much energy to do anything else so yeah. Ironically (I think), I feel like I put my energy to much better use, like it actually makes me feel good. Well, momentarily, until I find myself alone again. But yeah, something's something. It also helps to keep certain topics with certain people, since the people that get one part seem to only get that one part. Funny I think?
Aaaanyway, I once heard that different people require different answers and it sticked with me ever since. Perhaps that's all there is to it. With some people you click, with some people you just don't click. I just wish sometimes that I didn't try to click with everyone and saved more stuff to myself. Then again, that's what I try. I just try. Whatever.
But, the point is, sometimes I find myself talking about human nature, mental health, philosophy whatever and all I receive are misunderstandings. Like, that's not what I meant. So I am not clear? I mean the thought has gotten through my head but there are one or two people I can count that actually get my point so that's definitely not it. But why do I bother anyway? Well you know, I always felt different, ever since I have awareness of memory, so it always sticked to me, am I different or am I not and how exactly. And also, even to this day I feel so lonely. I think it's a very natural question to ask myself over and over again.
And for now the answer is that yes, I am much very different and it's very hard to feel comfortable in any conversation. Like most of the time I just put myself in automatic mode, I always hated that but it's honestly easier and lately I don't have much energy to do anything else so yeah. Ironically (I think), I feel like I put my energy to much better use, like it actually makes me feel good. Well, momentarily, until I find myself alone again. But yeah, something's something. It also helps to keep certain topics with certain people, since the people that get one part seem to only get that one part. Funny I think?
Aaaanyway, I once heard that different people require different answers and it sticked with me ever since. Perhaps that's all there is to it. With some people you click, with some people you just don't click. I just wish sometimes that I didn't try to click with everyone and saved more stuff to myself. Then again, that's what I try. I just try. Whatever.
