Something to look forward to!

[Red]

I'd set my date again and was holding to it - now I have to cancel my sad little hotel room, because...

I'm getting married! We'd been engaged a while (since 2019) and not made any plans for the wedding due to covid; I genuinely thought he'd come to his senses and gotten cold feet, as talks about it were vague and distant, but we got a call today from a venue we'd tentatively reached out to some weeks ago and suddenly we've pretty much got a date!

It seems to have changed everything in my mind with this big thing to look forward to! Everyone seems as joyous as we are about it and we're setting it up to only include those who would make it a good day for us and not ruin it. That unfortunately means cutting out most of my family but that's down to their own poor behaviour over the years and I'm actually very much at peace with it and feel that our day will be much better for it!

It signals the potential for a new start; a new name, a new identity; even my son wants to take the same name and I think that this will solidify our family unit. It's something to work both towards and from.

Now resolute to build towards this turning point and make it the start of something good.

Hoping to post here rather in "Suicide Discussion" a lot more from now on.

Happyyyyyy!

 

[fresca]

Congrats!! I hope you both can have an awesome wedding. You deserve this happiness

 

[Bensharp]

Congrats

 

[strangeceleste]

Congratulations!!! Wishing you so much joy

 

[Red]

I love you guys so much - so much support in everything, whether it be good or bad!
I don't think I'll ever leave this community, it means far too much to me...
Big love to you all, I wish everyone the same happiness x x

 

[Joey]

Congrats!

 

[gimme_my_happy_nap]

Grats! Wish you a fabulous, special day and lots of happiness afterwards~

 

[whywere]

CONGRATS!! WOW! it is so nice to have a global family member be very happy and alot to look forward to!!! I was having a down Saturday till I read your post, THANK YOU so, so much for sharing, really made my day. I send you and your fiance' all my love and my wish for your folks is a long happy life together filled with love, caring and kindness. Again, CONGRATS!!!!!!! Walter

 

[gus.nixon]

This is wonderful news indeed, but please keep in mind that there is no "magic bullet" that will cure all that troubles you. I'm extremely happy for you of your good fortune and the possibilities this opens up for your future. If you want to hold on to this feeling though, I might suggest finding a therapist for starters to find ways to cope with depression when it rears its ugly head again. Seeing a professional briefly helped me; I was put on a medication that seems to still be working (Lamictal) and the therapist opened my mind to some things about early trauma that I never saw until she pointed them out. This is a battle between life and death and every little bit helps. I'm sending you a virtual hug and I pray that you and your family remain healthy and happy for many years to come!

 

[sorella santini]

Congratulations! Having something to look forward to is a wonderful feeling. Continue to hold onto that.

 

[WornOutLife]

Getting married? Wooow that's a big step!
I find it fascinating that you were planning to ctb and now you have a reason to ctb. I don't believe in love but I guess it still exists. That makes me happy.

Wish you the best, my friend.

 

[Red]

This is wonderful news indeed, but please keep in mind that there is no "magic bullet" that will cure all that troubles you. I'm extremely happy for you of your good fortune and the possibilities this opens up for your future. If you want to hold on to this feeling though, I might suggest finding a therapist for starters to find ways to cope with depression when it rears its ugly head again. Seeing a professional briefly helped me; I was put on a medication that seems to still be working (Lamictal) and the therapist opened my mind to some things about early trauma that I never saw until she pointed them out. This is a battle between life and death and every little bit helps. I'm sending you a virtual hug and I pray that you and your family remain healthy and happy for many years to come!

Thank you - I'm under no illusions that suggest that this is the panacea for all my woes lol I am, as you rightly suggest, prone to depression and dark thoughts and don't expect them to stay at bay forever! They still lurk in the corners even now.

However it do feel that I can be stronger to fight them when they come. It has flipped that "maturity" switch along a little further (for it is very much analogue and not digital as is often implied!); with each little click I push a little harder still and eventually the reward seems to come. It's been a long slog (that is by no means over), but I finally have a lot of the stuff that I've been missing for most of my life. Stuff like a renewed bond with my son (despite a decade of parental alienation by, and abuse from, his father), a reasonably healthy romantic relationship (despite two other truly terrible significant relationships), financial stability (after so many years of struggling to make ends meet)... some things have slowly clicked into place despite much hardship along the way, because I've persevered, stayed calm and always vowed to learn from my mistakes as I made them. Life is by no means perfect; my family remains estranged (and strange!), my health and mobility are crappy, plus any one of those "fitted" jigsaw pieces could pop out at any given time... but there is a sense of having worked extremely hard to have gotten these things.

I am hopeful for a new start that is built on a solid foundation that enables me to try my absolute hardest without balking out too early. An new era of hope where there wasn't much before - after a truly crappy childhood, school life, adolescence and young adulthood, I'm out the other side. Still persevering, against the odds, still battling illness and struggling to escape the weird bonds of dysfunctional family... but things can get better.

May end up back here in the dumps again later but for now there's a renewed energy and will to carry on - not to be sniffed at in my position lol

 

[whywere]

Thank you - I'm under no illusions that suggest that this is the panacea for all my woes lol I am, as you rightly suggest, prone to depression and dark thoughts and don't expect them to stay at bay forever! They still lurk in the corners even now.

However it do feel that I can be stronger to fight them when they come. It has flipped that "maturity" switch along a little further (for it is very much analogue and not digital as is often implied!); with each little click I push a little harder still and eventually the reward seems to come. It's been a long slog (that is by no means over), but I finally have a lot of the stuff that I've been missing for most of my life. Stuff like a renewed bond with my son (despite a decade of parental alienation by, and abuse from, his father), a reasonably healthy romantic relationship (despite two other truly terrible significant relationships), financial stability (after so many years of struggling to make ends meet)... some things have slowly clicked into place despite much hardship along the way, because I've persevered, stayed calm and always vowed to learn from my mistakes as I made them. Life is by no means perfect; my family remains estranged (and strange!), my health and mobility are crappy, plus any one of those "fitted" jigsaw pieces could pop out at any given time... but there is a sense of having worked extremely hard to have gotten these things.

I am hopeful for a new start that is built on a solid foundation that enables me to try my absolute hardest without balking out too early. An new era of hope where there wasn't much before - after a truly crappy childhood, school life, adolescence and young adulthood, I'm out the other side. Still persevering, against the odds, still battling illness and struggling to escape the weird bonds of dysfunctional family... but things can get better.

May end up back here in the dumps again later but for now there's a renewed energy and will to carry on - not to be sniffed at in my position lol

Hi! Just have to say again.. CONGRATS! I think that you are just so great and cool for hanging in there and working hard for your happiness. My hat is off to you and I send you my most sincere and happy thoughts to you and your fiance' for a great wedding and life together!!! You are truly a great example of family!!!!!!! Walter (yes Walter is my real first name nothing ever phoney about me ever)

 

[Red]

Hi! Just have to say again.. CONGRATS! I think that you are just so great and cool for hanging in there and working hard for your happiness. My hat is off to you and I send you my most sincere and happy thoughts to you and your fiance' for a great wedding and life together!!! You are truly a great example of family!!!!!!! Walter (yes Walter is my real first name nothing ever phoney about me ever)

Bless you, so sweet - thank you so much!
Not sure if we're a model family but really hoping that the bonds are strong and that everyone feels safe and heard
Many happy thoughts back to you, Walter!